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Thread: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

  1. #41
    Senior Member Corbinscam's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by TemporaryCircumstances View Post
    Yes....we have even tried getting a notebook so we could write what we had to say
    My mom and I tried a notebook simply because it's literally impossible to actually yell at each other while writing

    It was a flop. I wasn't ready to deal with it and she wasn't ready to either. It's easy to ignore feelings and manipulate a situation and ignore the real issue. The elephant in the room. Look around for an elephant....if you find one be ready to deal with him first. Until you do that nothing will really happen between you and your mom.

    And I think I mentioned it before but pray about it. Ask God for wisdom and guidance and ask Him to help you deal.
    “Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the worlds needs is people who have come alive.”
    John Eldredge

  2. #42
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Corbinscam View Post
    My mom and I tried a notebook simply because it's literally impossible to actually yell at each other while writing

    It was a flop. I wasn't ready to deal with it and she wasn't ready to either. It's easy to ignore feelings and manipulate a situation and ignore the real issue. The elephant in the room. Look around for an elephant....if you find one be ready to deal with him first. Until you do that nothing will really happen between you and your mom.

    And I think I mentioned it before but pray about it. Ask God for wisdom and guidance and ask Him to help you deal.

    Yeah....
    Will do... thank you
    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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  3. #43
    GaryA
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by TemporaryCircumstances View Post
    And to your comment about abuse, no this parent has not abused me.
    Quote Originally Posted by TemporaryCircumstances View Post
    (Except for my father I will never obey or honor him.)
    I sincerely hope and pray that what I am thinking is not true...

  4. #44
    Senior Member Willie-T's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    When you guys say you tried notebooks, did you actually write individual letter personally directed and delivered to the other person? Or did you treat it like a diary entry left for the other to read?
    Tinuviel likes this.
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  5. #45
    Senior Member Corbinscam's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Willie,

    We used both methods. I honestly think both are effective if used correctly. We just didn't use them correctly. We just weren't ready to handle reality....and if you're not being honest no relationship is fixable.
    Last edited by Corbinscam; June 26th, 2017 at 07:10 AM.
    Willie-T and Tinuviel like this.
    “Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the worlds needs is people who have come alive.”
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  6. #46
    Member Ruth's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    I think the idea of seeing a therapist is a good idea for the simple reason that there would be a third party present and a witness of what your mother says to do should your mother try to deny that she said anything mean and nasty to you! With time, the therapist may be able to help teach both of you how to listen and respond instead of react to each other. Just a thought......
    Do not PM me if I have not spoken with you in the main chatroom or without asking my permission first. Thank you.

  7. #47
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by GaryA View Post
    I sincerely hope and pray that what I am thinking is not true...
    Well I don't know what you're thinking so I couldn't tell you
    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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  8. #48
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Willie-T View Post
    When you guys say you tried notebooks, did you actually write individual letter personally directed and delivered to the other person? Or did you treat it like a diary entry left for the other to read?
    We wrote it and slipped it under the door of the other persons bedroom for them to read and respond
    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...-election.html

  9. #49
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Ruth View Post
    I think the idea of seeing a therapist is a good idea for the simple reason that there would be a third party present and a witness of what your mother says to do should your mother try to deny that she said anything mean and nasty to you! With time, the therapist may be able to help teach both of you how to listen and respond instead of react to each other. Just a thought......
    That's what I was thinking.
    We found a therapist who takes out insurance and specializes in everything I need, so we'll see what happens
    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...-election.html

  10. #50
    Senior Member Tinuviel's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by TemporaryCircumstances View Post
    That's what I was thinking.
    We found a therapist who takes out insurance and specializes in everything I need, so we'll see what happens
    I'm not sure how to say this without sounding insensitive, so please know that I don't mean it insensitively! What about your mum? She sounds like she has a lot of needs too.
    “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”
    ~Charles Spurgeon

  11. #51
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinuviel View Post
    I'm not sure how to say this without sounding insensitive, so please know that I don't mean it insensitively! What about your mum? She sounds like she has a lot of needs too.
    She has a counselor
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    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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  12. #52
    Senior Member Willie-T's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    I wish I had $10 for every time I have heard, "Boy, she (he, them, they) sure need/needed to hear THAT." Or more directly when they walk into the office.... "I brought her here so you can straighten her out."

    Therapy should always be approached with an emotional mirror held up to OURSELVES....... NOT the other person.
    __________________________________________________ ________________________________________
    “True eloquence consists of saying all that is necessary, and only that which is .” François Duc De La Rochefoucauld (among others)
    I am the righteousness of God, in Christ Jesus.

  13. #53
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Willie-T View Post
    I wish I had $10 for every time I have heard, "Boy, she (he, them, they) sure need/needed to hear THAT." Or more directly when they walk into the office.... "I brought her here so you can straighten her out."

    Therapy should always be approached with an emotional mirror held up to OURSELVES....... NOT the other person.
    Youre right......
    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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  14. #54
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinuviel View Post
    I'm not sure how to say this without sounding insensitive, so please know that I don't mean it insensitively! What about your mum? She sounds like she has a lot of needs too.
    By the way, when I said she specializes in everything I need I was talking about anxiety, depression ect.
    The therapist isn't only there for our relationship but to try to work on me.
    Willie-T likes this.
    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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  15. #55
    Senior Member Willie-T's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    I have heard two things about marriage that I think apply to all of life in some way or another.

    One, marriage is a give-and-take affair. Plan to give 90%, and hopefully receive 10%.

    Two, the man is the head of the family, BUT the wife is the neck, and the neck turns the head.

    You can swap and or substitute any of those subject/nouns for parent & child, or boss & employer, etc..... even just thinking about friends.
    __________________________________________________ ________________________________________
    “True eloquence consists of saying all that is necessary, and only that which is .” François Duc De La Rochefoucauld (among others)
    I am the righteousness of God, in Christ Jesus.

  16. #56
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Willie-T View Post
    I have heard two things about marriage that I think apply to all of life in some way or another.

    One, marriage is a give-and-take affair. Plan to give 90%, and hopefully receive 10%.

    Two, the man is the head of the family, BUT the wife is the neck, and the neck turns the head.

    You can swap and or substitute any of those subject/nouns for parent & child, or boss & employer, etc..... even just thinking about friends.
    What if the "neck" or "head" isn't working
    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...-election.html

  17. #57
    Senior Member Willie-T's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    BTW, a good therapist doesn't try to 'fix' you, but rather, they lead you to the threshold of your own understanding, and let you walk through on your own.
    __________________________________________________ ________________________________________
    “True eloquence consists of saying all that is necessary, and only that which is .” François Duc De La Rochefoucauld (among others)
    I am the righteousness of God, in Christ Jesus.

  18. #58
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Willie-T View Post
    BTW, a good therapist doesn't try to 'fix' you, but rather, they lead you to the threshold of your own understanding, and let you walk through on your own.
    Yeah... I know
    I am the only person who can fix me. I know
    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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  19. #59
    Senior Member Willie-T's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by TemporaryCircumstances View Post
    What if the "neck" or "head" isn't working
    Which do you see yourself as..... and why do you think either (or both) are "not working?"
    __________________________________________________ ________________________________________
    “True eloquence consists of saying all that is necessary, and only that which is .” François Duc De La Rochefoucauld (among others)
    I am the righteousness of God, in Christ Jesus.

  20. #60
    Senior Member TemporaryCircumstances's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Willie-T View Post
    Which do you see yourself as..... and why do you think either (or both) are "not working?"

    Neck I guess... and because.... I don't know...we can't work together, I can't trust her, she's doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, and I know I'm doing things wrong.
    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
    Your Frog President
    #froglivesmatter
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    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...-election.html

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