so in my previous thread i posted that i was looking for mr. right. thankfully, the most amazing, sweet, loving guy who is very on fire for God, slid into my DMs. he is 15, he lives in the farthest state from me, so i wouldn't be able to see him and well, on the very first day i met him, i fell in love with him. i love everything about him. we talked on the phone for hours upon hours. one night, things got a little deep. (well sexual) he asked me some questions, admitted some things and i began to feel more and more uncomfortable. i would have liked to have been asked these questions when we're married because they are sexual. i am saving myself for marriage, and he is too. the one problem is that he struggles with lust. i understand it's hard to not be lustful. i understand i'm the only girl he wants to think about. i just wish i knew what to do. i don't want lust to get in the way of our relationship. but i love him. a lot. it would hurt so much if i had to let him go. but God is #1 in my life and if it means i get to stay loyal to Him and resist temptation, i might have to let him go.
relationship advice?
- Thread starter Briannafaith2003
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J
both of you,simply put God first "And" "Fear" God,like with him you particularly see he is struggling with lust,so suggest to him a scenario of some sort that if he doesn't strive to stop lusting that not only will he Go away from doing right by God on such a path but "Lose You" as well,so both of you just try to keep a "mentality" of that your actions have "consequences" and "Fearing" what those are particularly those from God can keep you two from ever being divided!
Hope this helps!
Hope this helps!
Since he asked you sexual questions, that's kinda a red flag that should tell you where his mindset is.. :/ And if you want to be on fire for GOD, then you need to get these stupid dating sites and apps, and get focused on what God has in mind for you. You're 15, leave the guys alone. They'll never love you as much as God does. 
Also, it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've never even met. All you know is what he tells you. The fact that he's also on fire for God, yet has a lust problem and asked you sexual questions, is another red flag. Since he has a lust problem, he probably masturbates, which is a sin against his own body, so technically he's NOT saving himself for marriage.
You're wayyy too eager to meet guys, and it's gonna land you in trouble one of these days. Don't be unequally yoked with someone who has a lust problem.. YOU are NOT the only girl he thinks about, since he has a lust problem. He probably looks at playboy magazines or porn. :/ God needs to be #1 in your life, but He can't be because you're too busy trying to catch all the guys you can..
Also, it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've never even met. All you know is what he tells you. The fact that he's also on fire for God, yet has a lust problem and asked you sexual questions, is another red flag. Since he has a lust problem, he probably masturbates, which is a sin against his own body, so technically he's NOT saving himself for marriage.
You're wayyy too eager to meet guys, and it's gonna land you in trouble one of these days. Don't be unequally yoked with someone who has a lust problem.. YOU are NOT the only girl he thinks about, since he has a lust problem. He probably looks at playboy magazines or porn. :/ God needs to be #1 in your life, but He can't be because you're too busy trying to catch all the guys you can..
That should've said "get rid of"...
Since he asked you sexual questions, that's kinda a red flag that should tell you where his mindset is.. :/ And if you want to be on fire for GOD, then you need to get rid of these stupid dating sites and apps, and get focused on what God has in mind for you. You're 15, leave the guys alone. They'll never love you as much as God does.
Also, it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've never even met. All you know is what he tells you. The fact that he's also on fire for God, yet has a lust problem and asked you sexual questions, is another red flag. Since he has a lust problem, he probably masturbates, which is a sin against his own body, so technically he's NOT saving himself for marriage.
You're wayyy too eager to meet guys, and it's gonna land you in trouble one of these days. Don't be unequally yoked with someone who has a lust problem.. YOU are NOT the only girl he thinks about, since he has a lust problem. He probably looks at playboy magazines or porn. :/ God needs to be #1 in your life, but He can't be because you're too busy trying to catch all the guys you can..
Also, it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've never even met. All you know is what he tells you. The fact that he's also on fire for God, yet has a lust problem and asked you sexual questions, is another red flag. Since he has a lust problem, he probably masturbates, which is a sin against his own body, so technically he's NOT saving himself for marriage.
You're wayyy too eager to meet guys, and it's gonna land you in trouble one of these days. Don't be unequally yoked with someone who has a lust problem.. YOU are NOT the only girl he thinks about, since he has a lust problem. He probably looks at playboy magazines or porn. :/ God needs to be #1 in your life, but He can't be because you're too busy trying to catch all the guys you can..
P
Since he asked you sexual questions, that's kinda a red flag that should tell you where his mindset is.. :/ And if you want to be on fire for GOD, then you need to get these stupid dating sites and apps, and get focused on what God has in mind for you. You're 15, leave the guys alone. They'll never love you as much as God does.
Also, it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've never even met. All you know is what he tells you. The fact that he's also on fire for God, yet has a lust problem and asked you sexual questions, is another red flag. Since he has a lust problem, he probably masturbates, which is a sin against his own body, so technically he's NOT saving himself for marriage.
You're wayyy too eager to meet guys, and it's gonna land you in trouble one of these days. Don't be unequally yoked with someone who has a lust problem.. YOU are NOT the only girl he thinks about, since he has a lust problem. He probably looks at playboy magazines or porn. :/ God needs to be #1 in your life, but He can't be because you're too busy trying to catch all the guys you can..
Also, it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've never even met. All you know is what he tells you. The fact that he's also on fire for God, yet has a lust problem and asked you sexual questions, is another red flag. Since he has a lust problem, he probably masturbates, which is a sin against his own body, so technically he's NOT saving himself for marriage.
You're wayyy too eager to meet guys, and it's gonna land you in trouble one of these days. Don't be unequally yoked with someone who has a lust problem.. YOU are NOT the only girl he thinks about, since he has a lust problem. He probably looks at playboy magazines or porn. :/ God needs to be #1 in your life, but He can't be because you're too busy trying to catch all the guys you can..
Lust is a sin, masturbation isn't a sin. It's sort of like murder is a sin but killing isn't necessarily a sin (unless it's murder). On a side note, if the kid is looking at playboy magazines, I doubt he's really 15. He'd be closer to 45. Is playboy still a thing? =p Okay, back to being serious, not everyone with a "lust" problem necessarily watches porn. I'll speak for myself and incriminate myself: I probably lust on a daily basis. I do my best not to... Whether I look at women I'm in contact with or think of lustful thoughts, it's important not to dwell on them. I consider it a "lust problem" because I've yet to master not checking out women from time to time... This doesn't mean I look at porn though, nor do I think everyone who lusts from time to time watches it either.
I also disagree that you have to physically see someone in 3 dimensions to "love someone". Now, I'm not saying she really loves the guy, but I believe she thinks she does. I just don't think the reason is because she hasn't seen him in person. Love takes time to build and cultivate, proximity makes it easier and more efficiently. I love God with all my heart... I've never seen him. I talk to Him daily, I read scriptures every day to know more about Him and what He wants me to do/how to be. Of course, this is a different type of "love", but it's rooted and cultivated in the same exact way.
For Brianna:
Was he asking sexual questions throughout every conversation or was it just one time?
Did you tell him you felt uncomfortable? If so, did he respect you enough to stop?
How often does he (and you) bring Christ up when you do talk?
Has he apologized or does he think it's perfectly normal in a relationship?
The best way to know someone's heart and mind is to look at the bigger picture. No one knows him but you, so we can all speculate and assume the best or worst. If he brings that up in every conversation, then I would think he isn't trying hard enough to control his passions. If it was a one time thing and he stopped, then I would say he is genuine in wanting to overcome his lust problem. If he doesn't bring up Christ or his walk with you, then how can God be the center of the relationship? If he brings up Christ, respected you when you told him you were uncomfortable and stopped, it was a one time thing, he apologized and realizes it's ungodly in a relationship (especially for teens), then I can't see how anyone can judge the kid. Anyone who has said they have never done the same thing at one time would be a liar.
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This is a girl who, in another thread she started, posted her social media and asked guys here to DM her.. She's looking for a Christian guy, and "falls in love" with the very first one who messages her? Get real. She needs to focus on GOD, not guys.. And if she would stop posting that she's looking for guys, get off the social media, and get serious about being on fire for God, she'd be doing much better..
it was just the one time. after that he told me he never wanted me to see that side of him again. i did tell him and he stopped immediately. Christ comes up often in our conversations. He has apologized several times and honestly, i agree with you. we talked about it and he does try to overcome it most of the time.
To me (of what you have told) it sounds that the guy is serious about you and God. This aged guys and even older lust problem is not something that necessarily means "avoid at all costs". More like what do they do with/to the problem.
The guy recognizes his problem and I hope does his best to keep it control. As long as he stays with this track its good.
Also that you said that he lives quite apart from you sounds in a way good thing. You can keep contact to him and yet be far enough to lower the temptation for both of you a bit, and you can concentrate also other things in you life at the moment.
Personally I think that specially nowadays you may need just a one physical meeting to fall in love. I dated online my wife 7 months before I even see her in real first time and when the moment finally came I fell in love to her the first day we were together.
One more thing about lust problem from my own experience: (Yes I admit, I have it too and know how troublesome it can be for christian guy) The longer you are together the more it will pop up. This MAY not have to be the end of your relationship but in that case it needs you both to stay strong, even support each other not to fall. If one is to fall the other should help and with love to rebuke him.
Wise man accepts such with happiness and respect but also works himself not to fall. (Lust and alcohol are bit similar, the more you have them the easier it is to fall next time)
Put God first in your life and in everything pray his guidance.
The guy recognizes his problem and I hope does his best to keep it control. As long as he stays with this track its good.
Also that you said that he lives quite apart from you sounds in a way good thing. You can keep contact to him and yet be far enough to lower the temptation for both of you a bit, and you can concentrate also other things in you life at the moment.
Personally I think that specially nowadays you may need just a one physical meeting to fall in love. I dated online my wife 7 months before I even see her in real first time and when the moment finally came I fell in love to her the first day we were together.
One more thing about lust problem from my own experience: (Yes I admit, I have it too and know how troublesome it can be for christian guy) The longer you are together the more it will pop up. This MAY not have to be the end of your relationship but in that case it needs you both to stay strong, even support each other not to fall. If one is to fall the other should help and with love to rebuke him.
Wise man accepts such with happiness and respect but also works himself not to fall. (Lust and alcohol are bit similar, the more you have them the easier it is to fall next time)
Put God first in your life and in everything pray his guidance.
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T
Give it some space. I have always been of the opinion that "true love will wait". If he's really in love with you, and you're really in love with him you'll both wait for each other. So, talk less. Set a time (once a week for only one hour), maybe consider sending any texts or emails to parents as well so you have some accountability. You're not of an age to marry soon, yet you're acting like you ARE. If you continue in that path, you'll just be led through a very lustful relationship. That's why you were counseled against looking for Mr. Right at so young an age. Of course, nothing is impossible . But definitely, give it some space.
. But definitely, give it some space.
I'm going to be as nice as I can while still being blunt, Even though I really don't think that's what you want.
You've already gotten some great advice here and you've been warned before. I'm not trying to be harsh so if I come off as such please assume it was not intentional, it wasn't. The issue is I've been down a road I'd like to help people avoid and if you're not careful....you'll walk the same road.
Here goes...
At 15 most of the male population thinsk about something sexual a few times a minute. If he is comfortable enough to express lust or ask a sexual question within a few days of meeting him online that means chances are he isn't new to the idea of discussing it and is ok with letting a conversation be less that clean. I'm not condemning him...just stating a fact. If you are both serious about keeping purity in your relationship then find a parent and sit down with them. Explain your intentions and add them to a group text and only text each other in that group setting. Is it awkward? Sure. But it'll keep you accountable and keep the conversation clean. I know a lot of great guys that age and I don't know a single one that hasn't fallen into some sort of sexual relationship in the text sense. Is it touching? no. Are you still virgins? Sure. Doesn't mean it honors God and makes your life easier. In this type setting you're still playing with fire. Even with a distance you're playing with fire. Lust is lust and it will consume and destroy you if you allow it. Be his friend...be in a group...talk about food...sports...music...if you're sending pictures look at it and really think about it....does that picture send the message that you want to save yourself for marriage or does it say "HEY LOOK AT ME!". Remember that if you really care about him and his well being then your goal should be to love him as a sister in Christ until you're in the position to change that to being his wife.
You've already gotten some great advice here and you've been warned before. I'm not trying to be harsh so if I come off as such please assume it was not intentional, it wasn't. The issue is I've been down a road I'd like to help people avoid and if you're not careful....you'll walk the same road.
Here goes...
At 15 most of the male population thinsk about something sexual a few times a minute. If he is comfortable enough to express lust or ask a sexual question within a few days of meeting him online that means chances are he isn't new to the idea of discussing it and is ok with letting a conversation be less that clean. I'm not condemning him...just stating a fact. If you are both serious about keeping purity in your relationship then find a parent and sit down with them. Explain your intentions and add them to a group text and only text each other in that group setting. Is it awkward? Sure. But it'll keep you accountable and keep the conversation clean. I know a lot of great guys that age and I don't know a single one that hasn't fallen into some sort of sexual relationship in the text sense. Is it touching? no. Are you still virgins? Sure. Doesn't mean it honors God and makes your life easier. In this type setting you're still playing with fire. Even with a distance you're playing with fire. Lust is lust and it will consume and destroy you if you allow it. Be his friend...be in a group...talk about food...sports...music...if you're sending pictures look at it and really think about it....does that picture send the message that you want to save yourself for marriage or does it say "HEY LOOK AT ME!". Remember that if you really care about him and his well being then your goal should be to love him as a sister in Christ until you're in the position to change that to being his wife.
P
Maybe single adults should only group text each other as well then. I mean, lust doesn't get easier over time. If anything, once you've tasted the forbidden fruit, the desire could be that much greater in the future right?
Do I really advocate for single adults to do that? No... Heavenly Father knew we wouldn't be perfect. It's why He sent his Son Jesus Christ to atone for our sins. We are commanded to "go and sin no more", meaning, we strive with the intentions of not doing it. Yes, that means be proactive in avoiding situations where we will be tempted to sin but it doesn't mean we have to give up our freedom and privacy to avoid sin. By giving up our freedom and privacy, we actually delay our decision-making growth.
In the family thread, I saw a 21 year old woman whose mother was dictating who her daughter could and could not hang out with. She was living at home, and I think her mother has the right to set whatever rules she sees fit. If the girl doesn't like it, she can move out. However, just because the mother has the right, doesn't mean that she is helping her daughter become an independent woman. She is flexing her power (which she has as a mother and owner of the home) and her daughter is submissive at 21. No disrespect to the girl or her mother, I just disagree with that sort of dynamic.
Now, this doesn't mean I'm advocating for a 14 year old girl and 15 year old boy to have complete and utter privacy. Absolutely not, but some of the suggestions are a bit over the top. I agree with the pictures suggestion. Make sure the pictures sent are sending the right message... this applies to both single adults and teens. I don't think it's necessary to have every message sent in a group text UNLESS one party perpetually does/speaks about things that are inappropriate. Even then really, I wouldn't say go to group text, I'd advise to leave the relationship altogether until both of you have more self-control.
Most importantly, I think it's imperative the parents are aware of the relationship. If the parents are aware and have even spoken to him/her, I think that is adequate counter-measures to take to ensure your relationship will remain Christ centered. We can't always rely on other people or even our parents to give us "accountability". It sounds like you held him and yourself accountable by calling him out on the one instance. To me, this is a HUGE positive. You were aware it was wrong, you told him how you felt, he apologized and assured you it wouldn't happen again. This "mistake" turned into a "learning experience". Just remember though, if it is repeated over and over again, then it's not a learning experience...
Do I really advocate for single adults to do that? No... Heavenly Father knew we wouldn't be perfect. It's why He sent his Son Jesus Christ to atone for our sins. We are commanded to "go and sin no more", meaning, we strive with the intentions of not doing it. Yes, that means be proactive in avoiding situations where we will be tempted to sin but it doesn't mean we have to give up our freedom and privacy to avoid sin. By giving up our freedom and privacy, we actually delay our decision-making growth.
In the family thread, I saw a 21 year old woman whose mother was dictating who her daughter could and could not hang out with. She was living at home, and I think her mother has the right to set whatever rules she sees fit. If the girl doesn't like it, she can move out. However, just because the mother has the right, doesn't mean that she is helping her daughter become an independent woman. She is flexing her power (which she has as a mother and owner of the home) and her daughter is submissive at 21. No disrespect to the girl or her mother, I just disagree with that sort of dynamic.
Now, this doesn't mean I'm advocating for a 14 year old girl and 15 year old boy to have complete and utter privacy. Absolutely not, but some of the suggestions are a bit over the top. I agree with the pictures suggestion. Make sure the pictures sent are sending the right message... this applies to both single adults and teens. I don't think it's necessary to have every message sent in a group text UNLESS one party perpetually does/speaks about things that are inappropriate. Even then really, I wouldn't say go to group text, I'd advise to leave the relationship altogether until both of you have more self-control.
Most importantly, I think it's imperative the parents are aware of the relationship. If the parents are aware and have even spoken to him/her, I think that is adequate counter-measures to take to ensure your relationship will remain Christ centered. We can't always rely on other people or even our parents to give us "accountability". It sounds like you held him and yourself accountable by calling him out on the one instance. To me, this is a HUGE positive. You were aware it was wrong, you told him how you felt, he apologized and assured you it wouldn't happen again. This "mistake" turned into a "learning experience". Just remember though, if it is repeated over and over again, then it's not a learning experience...
I don't think most girls realize how difficult they can make a guys life. It isn't intentional...just how differently we see things.
I never intended to say that every moment forever must be ruled by parents. But in my personal experience as I've aged I'm much more aware of the negative consequences of my actions where at 14 I thought I was untouchable. The younger you are the more you think things like oh they just don't want me to have fun and that'll never happen to me. There's a huge difference a single 15 year old and a single 21 or 25 year old, imo.
I never intended to say that every moment forever must be ruled by parents. But in my personal experience as I've aged I'm much more aware of the negative consequences of my actions where at 14 I thought I was untouchable. The younger you are the more you think things like oh they just don't want me to have fun and that'll never happen to me. There's a huge difference a single 15 year old and a single 21 or 25 year old, imo.
Well,as a person who is 16 and just fought lust harder than ever before let me just say that what you need to do is shut him down. by that i mean if he begins to ask sexual questions or if you even pick up a hint of lust change the topic or better yet just start telling him why your relationship cannot be that way because it is a toxic relationship (even if you are just friends). You say you love him. if you love him you would want the best for him,right? the best thing for him is for you to deny his opportunity to lust and simply, "shut him down"
G
Since he asked you sexual questions, that's kinda a red flag that should tell you where his mindset is.. :/ And if you want to be on fire for GOD, then you need to get these stupid dating sites and apps, and get focused on what God has in mind for you. You're 15, leave the guys alone. They'll never love you as much as God does.
Also, it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've never even met. All you know is what he tells you. The fact that he's also on fire for God, yet has a lust problem and asked you sexual questions, is another red flag. Since he has a lust problem, he probably masturbates, which is a sin against his own body, so technically he's NOT saving himself for marriage.
You're wayyy too eager to meet guys, and it's gonna land you in trouble one of these days. Don't be unequally yoked with someone who has a lust problem.. YOU are NOT the only girl he thinks about, since he has a lust problem. He probably looks at playboy magazines or porn. :/ God needs to be #1 in your life, but He can't be because you're too busy trying to catch all the guys you can..
Also, it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've never even met. All you know is what he tells you. The fact that he's also on fire for God, yet has a lust problem and asked you sexual questions, is another red flag. Since he has a lust problem, he probably masturbates, which is a sin against his own body, so technically he's NOT saving himself for marriage.
You're wayyy too eager to meet guys, and it's gonna land you in trouble one of these days. Don't be unequally yoked with someone who has a lust problem.. YOU are NOT the only girl he thinks about, since he has a lust problem. He probably looks at playboy magazines or porn. :/ God needs to be #1 in your life, but He can't be because you're too busy trying to catch all the guys you can..