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Christian Teens Forum

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Thread: what to say

  1. #1
    Junior Member hannahcorn's Avatar
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    Default what to say

    Hey!What’s the most encouraging thing to say to a friend who thinks they're not good enough and just generally doesn't think they're all that great? For example, if they say they are really bad at a sport, what can you say that'll make them feel like they're really good? thanks!!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Waggles's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say

    Sometimes expressing I'm no good is a symptom
    of a deeper malaise.
    Keep an eye on your friend, and stay in contact.

    Remind them that you friendship and caring is
    about you seeing good in them.
    That you enjoy who they are and what they have to offer.

    What are they good at?
    Art and craft? Music?
    Caring for others? Babysitting?
    Listening? Being there when needed?
    Working hard? Cooking?
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say

    How about rather than insisting someone is good at something maybe they actually Aren't why not redirect them to what they are good at? Or helping them find what they're good at? Not everyone is good at everything. I'm not good at sports. Not because I'm down on myself but because I'm genuinely not good.

    As far as anyone down on themselves generally there is no easy answer. There is nothing you can say to change it. Getting to the root cause is the only chance to fully change it. Some people are naturally like that. Some are raised hearing it, or hearing it in relationships. Some people have depression or another mental illness. All these things have different needs and reasons for why they feel that way. All you can do is try to keep it from worsening. But you won't stop it.
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  4. #4
    Junior Member hannahcorn's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say

    They really enjoy the sport though.......

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    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say

    Quote Originally Posted by hannahcorn View Post
    They really enjoy the sport though.......
    I've music. As a teen i was in bands. My goal was to make a living through music. Playing it. Producing it. Maybe forming a label. But, guess what. I am not a musician.
    I played trumpet for three years in jr high. I was always at or near the bottom.
    I played drums for three years. Practiced 3 hours a day, give days a week. I wasn't good.
    I can't sing.
    Music theory is so abstract to me I was unable to grasp even most of the beginner stuff. I know. I went to jr college to major in music and flunked the first semester in music theory.
    Yet I currently have over 3000 albums and 100s more songs.
    Obviously I love music. But I'm not good at it, even after years of trying. So no matter how much I wanted it I had to come to grips with the fact that i did not possess the skills required.
    And for a few years I was lost. But I stumbled across other things I was Actually good at and enjoyed.

    Different people have different things programmed into their system that allow them to excel in some areas, or to be restricted in some areas. There are people granted a higher proficiency in physical activities. Some mental.
    Now your friend can practice and try to have fun. But they won't ever be as good as someone with a natural ability.
    Which takes me back to drums. I practiced all the time. A guy at my church, he played for the worship band. He was Way better than me. He wasn't even interested in doing music. He was thrown on the drums as a kid just to keep a beat.
    It always frustrated me how little he cared about playing and was so good while I busted my butt and wasn't half as good as he was. Thats life.
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  6. #6
    Senior Member WineRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say

    For me, nothing. I have little experience in suffering and I generally give out bad advice, anyway.

    ...But if I absolutely HAD to say something...I would tell them that out of 7 billion people there's always someone worse than them.

    ...I did tell you that I'm not good at this whole counselling thing...
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    Senior Member Gracie_14's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say

    Quote Originally Posted by WineRose View Post
    For me, nothing. I have little experience in suffering and I generally give out bad advice, anyway. ...But if I absolutely HAD to say something...I would tell them that out of 7 billion people there's always someone worse than them. ...I did tell you that I'm not good at this whole counselling thing...
    yeah, you're telling me
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  8. #8
    Senior Member joefizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say

    Quote Originally Posted by WineRose View Post
    For me, nothing. I have little experience in suffering and I generally give out bad advice, anyway.

    ...But if I absolutely HAD to say something...I would tell them that out of 7 billion people there's always someone worse than them.

    ...I did tell you that I'm not good at this whole counselling thing...
    I know what you mean I'm more a "listener" instead of "counselor"but even then I have my limits,like currently I just about want everyone in my house to just "be quiet" because my uncle has been on a rant for about a month straight,keeping me awake and irritating me and my aunt to no end,even now I only have peace to post a bit and even possibly sleep(I sleep better in the day time)because one of his case managers took him to his clinic for awhile.
    I can endure alot,pain,sleep deprivation,but run on sentence mental patients talking day and night cursing God and being hateful while claiming they love Jesus eventually leads to my breaking point,sigh,but I'm stuck living here,I do feel for such people but I just can't manage for too long,I've been staying up for a few weeks now talking my uncle down but he just starts up again,and I've exhausted my options on moving to other relative's houses until I can get my own place where I might hopefully have "stability" and a bit of "peace",I don't know how people like my Aunt can put up with this for so many years.
    Even with my mother whom I deeply care for,I could only stand 2 years of being around her before she eventually cracked and drove me off.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Demi777's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say

    God doesn't make ppl from scratch. God forms in his own image. Everyone is special. Point out a persons blessings
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  10. #10
    finaldesire
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    Default Re: what to say

    Quote Originally Posted by hannahcorn View Post
    Hey!What’s the most encouraging thing to say to a friend who thinks they're not good enough and just generally doesn't think they're all that great? For example, if they say they are really bad at a sport, what can you say that'll make them feel like they're really good? thanks!!
    hannahcorn, only you know what this person is like, and only you can find something nice to say about them. It all comes down to learning about them and finding out what they are like on the inside.