Hi Michelle94. I'm glad to see you haven't left, and hope you are going to stick around too. I'd like to put my 2 cents in because I think I know where you are coming from (so to speak). I didn't follow any religion most of my life and pretty much lived the same philosophy you described as satanistic. I don't have time to write right now but will post something later. Please don't go away! 
And don't worry, I am not going to judge you or try to convert you.
And don't worry, I am not going to judge you or try to convert you.