Idk what to do about my bf...

[Esther_x1993]

I met my boyfriend last year on youtube. He was 30 back then and I was 17 still a minor. We started talking and talking and then became best friends and after 2 weeks he admitted his feelings for me, and soon we were lovers and I called him my boyfriend.
I told my friends about it, and they told me to stay away because I can't trust guys online, and there are cheaters out there.
I didn't want to listen and kept talking and talking and talking untill I became obsessed with this guy and was madly crazy in love with him.
It even became so worse that we I would stay up till morning to talk to him, and make myself exhausted and cry myself to sleep.
We talk about everything, about my life, his life and what's going on right now. However even back then I had trouble trusting him, I thought he cheated on me and wasn't the guy on the picture.
I even found out he send other girls messages too, lying about his age, and asked him about it he told me his friends send those messages and he would never cheat on me, I still can't believe that untill this day.
He saw my picture and told me I'm not his type (while others tell me I'm pretty and look cute) he told me he looks so handsome and can get any woman he wants but that he chooses to love me, cuz of that I feel ugly and not good enough for him... he says love is all about the inside.. I disagree with that because when you're in love you find that person the most beautiful person outside too right? if not I would think you would lust over others.

I walked away so many times.. but we always came back to each other and never stopped loving each other.
Last month I deleted him again and blocked him for 4 weeks, cuz I didn't trust him anymore and I was tired of our love and how obsessed we were with each other that it even made my relationship with God less and distant.
Yesterday I had a break down...I missed him so much that I emailed him again and guess what? he was still there waiting for me to come back to him and talk to him again.. he just forgave me and told me he wants to come to my country to marry me and never be apart again.

I'm still confused and have doubts about him.. I mean I hear so many crazy stories of crazy guys on the internet who make girls love them and then meet them and let those females work in the sex industry etc.

I also faked my voice to him to sound better and not so boring.. I feel like I faked myself to him.. but I deeply care about him and don't want to hurt him again.
I feel so bad I feel like dying and I know I have to stop this relationship but I don't know how.. I fell back so many times

There's just too much doubt here.
What shall I do?.

 

[lil_christian]

What should you do? Simply just get out of it. Occupy yourself with other things to get your mind off of him. He's obviously a liar, a jerk, and a player. And he's from YouTube....much as I like YouTube, I don't think that's exactly a good place to find a boyfriend

 

[Bornfromabove]

The fact that he was 30 and you were 17 when you met (online) is all you need to know. Stay as far way from that guy as you can. I had a niece who met a man online who was in his mid 30's and she was only about 16 at the time. Like all 16 year old's, she was naive, foolish, and thought she was in love with the guy. He pretty much had her brain washed and no matter how hard people tried to talk sense into her, she wouldn't listen. Well, they ended up getting married and needless to say, not long after, he ends up in jail for bigamy.

Young girls wise up....There is something wrong with any man in his 30's that want to be with a girl in her teens. I don't care what kind of garbage he whispers in your ears, don't fall for it. Grown men know how to manipulate young girls and have them believe anything. He will probably tell you all kinds of lies like "Oh, they just dont understand our love for each other, they dont get it" or "You are so mature for your age and they cant see that but I can".....its garbage, don't listen!!! Wake up!!!

 

[lil_christian]

The fact that he was 30 and you were 17 when you met (online) is all you need to know. Stay as far way from that guy as you can. I had a niece who met a man online who was in his mid 30's and she was only about 16 at the time. Like all 16 year old's, she was naive, foolish, and thought she was in love with the guy. He pretty much had her brain washed and no matter how hard people tried to talk sense into her, she wouldn't listen. Well, they ended up getting married and needless to say, not long after, he ends up in jail for bigamy.

Young girls wise up....There is something wrong with any man in his 30's that want to be with a girl in her teens. I don't care what kind of garbage he whispers in your ears, don't fall for it. Grown men know how to manipulate young girls and have them believe anything. He will probably tell you all kinds of lies like "Oh, they just dont understand our love for each other, they dont get it" or "You are so mature for your age and they cant see that but I can".....its garbage, don't listen!!! Wake up!!!

^^^ This....basically said what I wanted to say. thank you soooo much for saying what I didn't say. haha

 

[Esther_x1993]

Thanks guys for your replies. Yall are aboslutely right... this is more bondage and emotional dependency and this guy is full of lies. I walked away before I can do this again for good in Jesus name!!!! please pray for me.

 

[lil_christian]

Thanks guys for your replies. Yall are aboslutely right... this is more bondage and emotional dependency and this guy is full of lies. I walked away before I can do this again for good in Jesus name!!!! please pray for me.

Yes in Jesus' name AMEN!

I'll definitely be praying for you!

 

[bullssoxfan23]

pray that you will find who God wants you to be with. Thats my prayer everyday and I will be sure to pray for you too

 

[Esther_x1993]

Hi everyone.
So I still didn't manage to break up with him.
A while ago he made a promise that he would never leave me.
So today I wrote him a letter that I can't handle a Long distance relationship anymore, it's too much and I don't trust him and have doubts.. and that it will neve rwork out.. I told him in a nice letter that I won't change my mind about this and move on.
Of course he told me ''No I made that promise and I will wait on your forever thru tears''.
He told me to think about if this is God's willl to love me, and that he will stand by the Bible.
This guy's words are so sweet and everything but I don't trust him at all.
Now I feel guilty if I walk away and never come back cuz the thought of him waiting for me forever to come back just cuz of that promise.. makes me so upet and irri.
I told him to break the promise cuz I made up my mind and don't want to give him false hope anymore. Ofc he made me talk normal again and forget what happened.
I told him I will pray about it and have the answers soon.
He also said no other men will ever love me like he does in BIG LETTERS.
I feel like dying right now and just want to get out of this relationship cuz I feel like he's lying and it only makes me more distant from God.
I have a weird feeling about this.. isn't this manipulation?.

 

[lil_christian]

Hi everyone.
So I still didn't manage to break up with him.
A while ago he made a promise that he would never leave me.
So today I wrote him a letter that I can't handle a Long distance relationship anymore, it's too much and I don't trust him and have doubts.. and that it will neve rwork out.. I told him in a nice letter that I won't change my mind about this and move on.
Of course he told me ''No I made that promise and I will wait on your forever thru tears''.
He told me to think about if this is God's willl to love me, and that he will stand by the Bible.
This guy's words are so sweet and everything but I don't trust him at all.
Now I feel guilty if I walk away and never come back cuz the thought of him waiting for me forever to come back just cuz of that promise.. makes me so upet and irri.
I told him to break the promise cuz I made up my mind and don't want to give him false hope anymore. Ofc he made me talk normal again and forget what happened.
I told him I will pray about it and have the answers soon.
He also said no other men will ever love me like he does in BIG LETTERS.
I feel like dying right now and just want to get out of this relationship cuz I feel like he's lying and it only makes me more distant from God.
I have a weird feeling about this.. isn't this manipulation?.

Yes it's manipulation at its finest. I'd tell that guy to just take a hike.

 

[JimJimmers]

Not every voice that uses God's name is Godly. Lil_christian is absolutely right.

 

[Relena7]

Soooooo many red flags in that post about that guy. I don't know where to begin...
He sounds like trouble. And yes, he is trying to manipulate you. I'd listen to the others. ^^

 

[lil_christian]

Oh and...do yourself a favor and block him. Keep him from messaging you, keep you from messaging him.

 

[CryingRose94]

I can understand the problem...I personally do not see a prob with the age difference...seeing as I personally am attracted to guys alot older then me as well!...but online is a very dangerous thing sometimes! My mum met my step dad and that turned out good, but it does not always turn out like that! And to me, he sounds a bit to obsessive...that could end up abusive! Yes he is manipulating you for sure!!! And if you found out about him lying to others about his age and he made up some silly excuse like that...he sounds like a pervert that may be talking the same way to other teen girls! My advise....stick to face to face relationships! And with someone from church that is obviously a Christian and all!

 

[CryingRose94]

And ANYONE that gets in the way of your relationship with God....NO GOOD!!!! But I do understand it being hard! Because I am in love with someone I should not be!

 

[PopClick]

You mentioned twice that he pulled you farther away from God. Does that sound like God's will? Cut off contact before you fall any harder for him.

 

[Hava91]

This guys is not only manipulating you, but abusing you. Please trust me on this, as hard as it is delete him. if he truly is 30 yrs old he has most likely made that promise before to other women to get them to stick around. it is a guilt trip and it IS intentional. I have been through much counceling from abusive relationships of all kinds, emotional, physical, sexual and this is emotional abuse. get out now. stay out. going back may give u temporary happiness, but will cause PERMANANT damage. please, for yourself get out now. would it really be god's will for you to be in a relationship that hurt this bad, is this confusing, made u feel this way about youself (his precious daughter), and seperated you from him?

 

[lil_christian]

I agree with Hava...he is also abusing you. But unfortunately, I'm not bold enough to be the first one to just go out and say stuff like that...so thanks for adding that Hava.

 

[Esther_x1993]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I know I need to get out.. I just keep talking to this guy and I can't stop I got myself in this so deep. I still feel love for him in my heart and whenever I talk to him I forget everything and feel like I'm in heaven. But all the pieces need to fit together for a good relationship, and part of me can't trust him and fears him.. and my heart is telling me to break up with him before it's too late. I need to listen to God I can't let anyone come in between me and my relationship with God.

LDR are very painful and it takes a lot of effort to make it work.I wish we could do webcam and talk on the phone, but my family doesn't know of our relationship yet and I'm afraid they will never accept it. Before he will be able to come to my country and live here will take years, and I can't hold on that long.

I love talking to him tho, and it's so hard to let go, I mean we were almost 1 year together and end of this month it's our first anniversary together.. and we talked almost every day since we got to know each other on youtube.

I tried to break up so many times. Like a few days ago, I send him a long letter with the reasons why I wanted to break up. He got very upset and told me it's not always about me and that he would give me answers. After fighting for hours on email.. we talked again and ofc I forgot everything that happened and moved on.

Now that he isn't online I feel frustrated irri and confused. I just want to get this off my shoulders, no matter what happens and how much I miss him this just doesn't feels right.

So how do I this time tell him I want to break up without being afraid for his response and hurt?.

I really feel depressed over this.

 

[JimJimmers]

You don't tell him anything, you stop talking to him completely. He'll figure it out. Block him, block his e-mails, and run from this abuser.

 

[lil_christian]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I know I need to get out.. I just keep talking to this guy and I can't stop I got myself in this so deep. I still feel love for him in my heart and whenever I talk to him I forget everything and feel like I'm in heaven. But all the pieces need to fit together for a good relationship, and part of me can't trust him and fears him.. and my heart is telling me to break up with him before it's too late. I need to listen to God I can't let anyone come in between me and my relationship with God.

LDR are very painful and it takes a lot of effort to make it work.I wish we could do webcam and talk on the phone, but my family doesn't know of our relationship yet and I'm afraid they will never accept it. Before he will be able to come to my country and live here will take years, and I can't hold on that long.

I love talking to him tho, and it's so hard to let go, I mean we were almost 1 year together and end of this month it's our first anniversary together.. and we talked almost every day since we got to know each other on youtube.

I tried to break up so many times. Like a few days ago, I send him a long letter with the reasons why I wanted to break up. He got very upset and told me it's not always about me and that he would give me answers. After fighting for hours on email.. we talked again and ofc I forgot everything that happened and moved on.

Now that he isn't online I feel frustrated irri and confused. I just want to get this off my shoulders, no matter what happens and how much I miss him this just doesn't feels right.

So how do I this time tell him I want to break up without being afraid for his response and hurt?.

I really feel depressed over this.

Man....a manipulative, abusive, AND toxic relationship. All in one!! Woo. Doesn't sound fun.

Whether you enjoy talking to him or not, he's lying. He doesn't mean a thing he's saying. Well he probably does mean it with everything he says when he says it's not all about you. It's probably because he thinks it's all about him.

But a good friend of mine gives me this verse for when I'm freaking out, burdened, or sad.
1 Peter 5:7

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

7 casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Read up on the Scripture. Pray. Ask God to give you the strength to let go and move on. And I'm not gonna claim it will be easy. Because it won't be. It might be the hardest thing you do. But considering what could happen in the future if you don't get out of this, it'll be a lot better than sticking around.