I'm 16 and my for the past two years or so, I've been having bad thoughts about my stepdad [I'm male btw]. I don't want these thoughts. They started off harmeless enough but they've gotten to the point that the thoughts are very [sexually] graphic and I feel like they are controlling my life. I wouldn't commit suicide over them because I don't want to go to Hell but I really need these thoughts to stop. I can't talk to my family about this stuff (for obvious reasons) but I have to do something. I've actually thought about the possibility of giving my stepdad pills to knock him out for a few hours so I could be with him and he wouldn't know it. I don't think I'd ever do it but just having the thought is scary. I identity as heterosexual, I have a girlfriend, I don't watch porn and I don't have any history of sexual abuse. I really love my stepdad. He's really the only member of my family that taks an interest in my life. My sibs don't really relate to me and my mom pays more attention to my sisters than me. I don't know what started these feelings or thoughts. I pray multiple times a day, I read the Bible and I go to church but it's been so long and I kinda feel like God isn't helping me and I feel guilty for thinking God is ignoring me because I know that He isn't. I believe He can do anything. I just wish He'd cut me even a small break. Like stopping my stepdad from walking around the house shirtless. Currently, I'm fasting to try and get rid of the thoughts but it's not working well. I just feel desperate and I don't know what else to do.
Teen with incestuous thoughts
- Thread starter Tsalagi
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Funny thing about 'thought sins' is how people always pray for God to just take thoughts away, when in reality we are supposed to be renewing our minds through the bible, through controlling our thoughts, fighting thoughts and temptation with quoting scripture, prayer, both in your general prayers, and when you feel the thoughts coming, praying that God will help you beat them.
Also you have to have realistic expectations. God is not going to 'make' someone stop doing something. If your stepfather has always gone shirtless at home, its no likely he's just going to suddenly stop, so you have to learn to deal. Don't look at him, even when you feel tempted. Whenever you can leave the room. Turn on the TV, do something that keeps you from having to look at him.
Chances are most people, at least adults, are going to encourage you to take this to your family. So many teens try to deal with problems without bringing their parents into the situation, but in reality that usually backfires. I did the same thing, and in retrospect i wish i had spoken up about some thing because my life may have turned out better, but because i thought i 'couldn't' go to my family i'm paying the price. I understand this is a bit of a different situation, but doesn't mean you still don't need the help.
Also you have to have realistic expectations. God is not going to 'make' someone stop doing something. If your stepfather has always gone shirtless at home, its no likely he's just going to suddenly stop, so you have to learn to deal. Don't look at him, even when you feel tempted. Whenever you can leave the room. Turn on the TV, do something that keeps you from having to look at him.
Chances are most people, at least adults, are going to encourage you to take this to your family. So many teens try to deal with problems without bringing their parents into the situation, but in reality that usually backfires. I did the same thing, and in retrospect i wish i had spoken up about some thing because my life may have turned out better, but because i thought i 'couldn't' go to my family i'm paying the price. I understand this is a bit of a different situation, but doesn't mean you still don't need the help.
Tsalagi, I gotta start from the beginning here. Your profile says you were raised Christian. Did you ever give your heart to Jesus? You mentioned God in your post, but I just wanted to double-check, as a lot of people who believe in God aren't Christian.
Secondly, It sounds like you feel love only from your stepdad, and no one else in your family. I think this is part of the problem. You need to feel loved. Ask Jesus to let you feel His love for you, instead of asking Him to make your stepdad stop doing things.
Please pray to be filled with The Holy Spirit also. That really helped me. I'm going to pray for you also.
Secondly, It sounds like you feel love only from your stepdad, and no one else in your family. I think this is part of the problem. You need to feel loved. Ask Jesus to let you feel His love for you, instead of asking Him to make your stepdad stop doing things.
Please pray to be filled with The Holy Spirit also. That really helped me. I'm going to pray for you also.
Yes, I've given my heart to Jesus. 
I've been saved and baptized and I believe Jesus died on the cross for my sins.
My stepdad is the only person in my family who doesn't yell or curse at me (aside from my brother but I don't see him often). My mom and my sisters constantly blame me for things I don't have any control over or for accidents. I dropped plate in the sink yesterday while washing the dishes and my mom said I dropped it on purpose to wake her up so she called me the B word and gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the night. I have panic disorder and I'm on Xanax for it and I feel like I can't relax in my house without my stepdad there. He's the only one who will take up for me and he's the only person in my life that I really trust (aside from Jesus and God, of course). Discounting hugs from my stepdad, I literally can't remember the last time a member of my family hugged me. I know Jesus loves me but it still feels good to have a human being acknowledge me and be nice to me.
I've been saved and baptized and I believe Jesus died on the cross for my sins.My stepdad is the only person in my family who doesn't yell or curse at me (aside from my brother but I don't see him often). My mom and my sisters constantly blame me for things I don't have any control over or for accidents. I dropped plate in the sink yesterday while washing the dishes and my mom said I dropped it on purpose to wake her up so she called me the B word and gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the night. I have panic disorder and I'm on Xanax for it and I feel like I can't relax in my house without my stepdad there. He's the only one who will take up for me and he's the only person in my life that I really trust (aside from Jesus and God, of course). Discounting hugs from my stepdad, I literally can't remember the last time a member of my family hugged me. I know Jesus loves me but it still feels good to have a human being acknowledge me and be nice to me.
Everything you said was good except for one little sentence that **edited** off. Many people on this forum say similar things, and they are doing a major disservice by doing so.
It would have been much much better if you had just asked "Have you ever given your life to Christ?". That is enough. But that one little extra phrase was unnecessary. Its not our place to judge who is really a Christian and who isn't. The last thing this kid needs is to be judged right now.
Tsalagi, I understand what is going on with you. At 16 years old you are still going through puberty. I remember the kinds of thoughts I had at 16, they were scary to say the least. At this age almost everything turns you on sexually. You have to learn to ignore it and fight it. You need God's help for that. No way around that. That's how I do it.
To add to the stuff your body is going through, the fact that your stepdad is the only one who cares about you is psychologically helping to create these weird feelings of being sexually attracted to him. As much as Sigmund Freud was an atheist **edited**, sadly many things he said were true.
Sorry if this is too personal of a question, but how is your relationship with your girlfriend? If that relationship is strong, these thoughts should disappear, but if you can't connect with your girlfriend either, then it makes perfect sense why you are having these thoughts.
It would have been much much better if you had just asked "Have you ever given your life to Christ?". That is enough. But that one little extra phrase was unnecessary. Its not our place to judge who is really a Christian and who isn't. The last thing this kid needs is to be judged right now.
Tsalagi, I understand what is going on with you. At 16 years old you are still going through puberty. I remember the kinds of thoughts I had at 16, they were scary to say the least. At this age almost everything turns you on sexually. You have to learn to ignore it and fight it. You need God's help for that. No way around that. That's how I do it.
To add to the stuff your body is going through, the fact that your stepdad is the only one who cares about you is psychologically helping to create these weird feelings of being sexually attracted to him. As much as Sigmund Freud was an atheist **edited**, sadly many things he said were true.
Sorry if this is too personal of a question, but how is your relationship with your girlfriend? If that relationship is strong, these thoughts should disappear, but if you can't connect with your girlfriend either, then it makes perfect sense why you are having these thoughts.
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I'm really good friends with my girlfriend. Like even if we weren't dating, we would still be friends and in each other's lives. And we do fool around (nothing major) and I like her and I'm attracted to her. I mean, not to get too descriptive but I like girls and their body parts. lol I've had a few girlfriends before and after I started having these thoughts for my stepdad two years ago.
Tsalgi, I'll keep you in my prayers. The only thing I can think of is to re-iterate what I said about asking Jesus to fill you with The Holy Spirit, and ask Him to let you surrender completely to His will. I'm sorry your family is so hurtful to you, I hope you find some people at your church who are loving people. -JIM
F
good post! the poster needs to realize that allowing these thoughts to play out in his mind is where he needs to start, at the first inclination of a sexually perverted thought, he needs to hold that thought captive to Christ, If Jesus wouldn't think it neither should he...........actually what the poster is describing is how homosexuality begins, a few thoughts, a few perverted daydreams, perversion can be very sexually arrousing, if he keeps feeding his mind these kinds of thoughts and fantasies this perversion will grow, he needs to put these thoughts to death at the threshold of his mind........take it from a 16 yr old who didn't follow this advice, and was led away into all kinds sexual fantasies and escapades.......now at 49 the only thing I have is regret and shame, If only someone would have told me what a dark path it was to allow myself to think about whatever my lustful heart desired, its a long road back most never make it
True this...
http://www.bishop-accountability.org/priestdb/PriestDBbydiocese.html
Take these thoughts to God, if you are truly His which you say you are you will have no shame in repenting before him regarding them. Then lift up the sheild of faith - put out these fiery darts of the wicked one, and pickup the sword of the Lord - which is the Word of God. Also if you were already abused as a child, ask him for healing and restoration. I find it hard to believe a 16 year old just came up with these ideas himself. Most likely you were already invovled and/or were trained in the Brave New Schools.
http://www.bishop-accountability.org/priestdb/PriestDBbydiocese.html
Take these thoughts to God, if you are truly His which you say you are you will have no shame in repenting before him regarding them. Then lift up the sheild of faith - put out these fiery darts of the wicked one, and pickup the sword of the Lord - which is the Word of God. Also if you were already abused as a child, ask him for healing and restoration. I find it hard to believe a 16 year old just came up with these ideas himself. Most likely you were already invovled and/or were trained in the Brave New Schools.
For the record, please do not use me to represent homosexuality or homosexual thoughts and feelings. I don't want people reading this and thinking "Gays are perverts. I knew a gay guy who wanted to have sex with his stepfather." I don't identify as homosexual and I don't have these feelings for any other man but my stepfather. Homosexuality is not incest.
I have given it to God. I've prayed. I've fasted. I recently ended my two week long fast last night. I read the Bible. I go to church. I have done everything possible in a religious sense that I know of.
I have given it to God. I've prayed. I've fasted. I recently ended my two week long fast last night. I read the Bible. I go to church. I have done everything possible in a religious sense that I know of.
Does it really make sense for you to come on a Christian site and offer secular advise, AND denigrate Christian ministers while you do it?!?? Don't you think if he wanted secular advise he would go on another site to ask his question??? Look, I'm not opposed to seeing a therapist so long as they are advising from a Christian perspective, but please keep your condescending comments to yourself. They really don't make sense given the context.