Boyfriend will not accept that I want to remain a virgin?

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justagirlinalonelyworld

Guest
#1
#1
I am eighteen, and have chosen to remain a virgin until marriage. I have been dating my first boyfriend for six months, and he does not accept that I want to remain a virgin until I am married. I suggested waiting until we were in a situation where we were ready to get married, but he says no. He has become very rough with me and keeps pushing me to go farther than I want to sexually. I am scared to leave him because he says that he cant live without me etc. etc. but I don't want to have sex with him, and lately it feels like our relationship is all about that.

What does everyone think? Should I loosen up like he says? SHould I leave him? What do I do?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
You give in and you will regret it the rest of your life. What you should do is leave him. And as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the worse you will make the situation. Why would you even suggest marriage with this man? Is he a Christian? If not why are you dating him? If so, what kind of Christian is he to pressure you into sex and manipulate and control you with threats?

E V E R Y T H I N G about this guy Screams 'run away from him fast' and you're completely missing the multiple giant red flags waving in your face. This guy shows signs of potentially being abusive. Staying with this guy even another day is nothing but a mistake. Period. Ignore his threats. If he harms himself for you dumping him, that's his problem, not yours. You can't ignore God, your standards and what you believe in for the sake of the threats of a Godless, selfish, controlling boy who will do nothing but drag your life down. Don't believe me? Look at where you're at now.
 
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just_monicat

Senior Member
#3
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
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#3
what ugly said.

i too had determined to wait until marriage. unfortunately, i didn't follow the advice above, and through multiple efforts of wearing my resistance, i eventually gave in.

it's one of the precious few deep regrets i have in my life. once you open that door, there is no closing it. i'm not talking about virginity, but how sexual sin can corrupt your life, affect your choices, cloud matters that need to be made more simple. believe me when i say that nothing is ever the same once you open that door.

sister, you are worth waiting for. believe that. i wish i had someone reminding me of that, when i was in your situation.

and any man who can't abide by that (even support that) is truly not a good choice for you, as difficult as that may be to accept. there are men who will love that you've made that choice for yourself. if he is a christian, then he isn't living as he ought to right now. that should be a big concern for you.

this is what God's best is for you - waiting until marriage to have sex.

and importantly, you will have your self-respect, which matters more than you can possibly appreciate.
 
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Percepi

Percepi

Banned
#4
Feb 16, 2014
903
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#4
Although relationships require compromise, there are some things that can't be compromised. It differs from person to person. For you, saving yourself for marriage is something you will not compromise away. And your boyfriend needs to accept that. If he's willing to support your decision, then the relationship will work. However, if sex is so important to him that he can't compromise and wait for you, then you're both holding onto something neither one of you are willing to give up. In this case, it's a stalemate, and the two of you should separate.

If he keeps pressuring you to have sex, let him know that will be the fastest way to ruin your relationship.

Talk to him, let him know that saving yourself is something you will NOT compromise, because it's very important for you.. Either he'll have to be the one to compromise on this issue, or the relationship isn't going to work.

When you talk to him, you need to be firm - don't let him make you feel guilty. But don't be cruel either. You need to understand that if he's being honest with you, him wanting to have sex with you is an act of love (as well as lust, but love too!). Let him know you understand how he feels, but his want for sex is something the two of you will have to find a way to overcome together until you get married. When you're married, you can promise him the ride of his life.
 
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TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#5
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#5
justagirlinalonelyworld said:
I am eighteen, and have chosen to remain a virgin until marriage. I have been dating my first boyfriend for six months, and he does not accept that I want to remain a virgin until I am married. I suggested waiting until we were in a situation where we were ready to get married, but he says no. He has become very rough with me and keeps pushing me to go farther than I want to sexually. I am scared to leave him because he says that he cant live without me etc. etc. but I don't want to have sex with him, and lately it feels like our relationship is all about that.

What does everyone think? Should I loosen up like he says? SHould I leave him? What do I do?
Click to expand...
Sounds like classic emotional manipulation and an attempt at rape. I think the answer is obvious here. Stay far away from him.
 
MartyrNdaMaKn

MartyrNdaMaKn

Senior Member
#6
Jan 22, 2013
4,482
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#6
To add on to what was already said above, if he truly did care for you, he would respect your decision and not pressure you to do something you were against. Always remember if it goes against Christ its never right. God Bless.
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#7
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
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#7
Percepi said:
But don't be cruel either. You need to understand that if he's being honest with you, him wanting to have sex with you is an act of love (as well as lust, but love too!).
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She came here for Christian advice, don't come in here and lie to her.

"He has become very rough with me and keeps pushing me to go farther than I want to sexually. I am scared to leave him because he says that he cant live without me etc. etc."

You are a guest here at a Christian site, and I'm fine with that. Don't start giving advice, you're terrible at it.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#8
#8
JustaGirl, run in the other direction. Just run!
 
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fire-rescue

Guest
#9
#9
You have got alot of good advice here. If he dont respect your wishes hes probly not the guy god has for you. If you are on different paths now only god can line them up but god can only do in ours lives as we allow him. I commend you for wanting to wait. Thats pretty rare i think. Your heavenly father and im sure your earthly one wants better for you than that. Look to jesus for youre example. If he wouldnt pressure you then dont give in. Marry yourself to jesus until he puts the right man in your life. I said man not sex crazed little boy. A true man will not pressure you for a temporary pleasure. A true man would be by your side helping you protect your virtue. Stay strong and lean on god. Sounds like you got your head on straight here dont let some wayward guy turn you down the wrong path. Be equally yoked in your relationships
 
JesusChica1991

JesusChica1991

Banned
#10
May 9, 2012
1,514
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0
#10
I'm not going to lie to ya hunny. I've gotta be blunt. But those are early signs of a potential rapist hunny. You need to run now. If you don't, you'll regret it.
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#11
#11
I'm going to agree with most of Percepi's post. I would also add that in order for this to work, you should bring this to your family's attention to garner their support and assistance on your behalf and have your parents explain it to him.

This brings the situation into public light and sets concrete boundaries which everyone enforces. You are NOT expected to do this by yourself or in your own will power. If you want to be with him, do this and see what his decision really is.

If you don't really want to be with him, then you can garner your family's support on your behalf and break up with him. Either way, get your family involved in support of YOU.


Percepi said:
Although relationships require compromise, there are some things that can't be compromised. It differs from person to person. For you, saving yourself for marriage is something you will not compromise away. And your boyfriend needs to accept that. If he's willing to support your decision, then the relationship will work. However, if sex is so important to him that he can't compromise and wait for you, then you're both holding onto something neither one of you are willing to give up.

If he keeps pressuring you to have sex, let him know that will be the fastest way to ruin your relationship.

Talk to him, let him know that saving yourself is something you will NOT compromise, because it's very important for you.. Either he'll have to be the one to compromise on this issue, or the relationship isn't going to work.

When you talk to him, you need to be firm - don't let him make you feel guilty. But don't be cruel either. You need to understand that if he's being honest with you, him wanting to have sex with you is an act of love (as well as lust, but love too!). Let him know you understand how he feels, but his want for sex is something the two of you will have to find a way to overcome together until you get married.
Click to expand...
 
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Pres19

Senior Member
#12
Nov 27, 2013
779
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#12
Don't give in! You'll regret it trust me.. if he can't accept and appreciate that you want to wait then GET OUT of the relationship.
I mean RUN! Any man (or woman) who doesn't respect you and your beliefs doesn't deserve you. And if you stay with someone who doesn't appreciate you and pushes you to do things you don't wanna do or aren't ready for will only keep hurting you. Run from this guy and seek God. He will put the right man in your life when it's time. The man God has for you will never push you. he will appreciate that you want to wait. And he will wait with you. Pray about it.
 
M

MarkMulder

Guest
#14
#14
justagirlinalonelyworld said:
I am eighteen, and have chosen to remain a virgin until marriage. I have been dating my first boyfriend for six months, and he does not accept that I want to remain a virgin until I am married. I suggested waiting until we were in a situation where we were ready to get married, but he says no. He has become very rough with me and keeps pushing me to go farther than I want to sexually. I am scared to leave him because he says that he cant live without me etc. etc. but I don't want to have sex with him, and lately it feels like our relationship is all about that.

What does everyone think? Should I loosen up like he says? SHould I leave him? What do I do?
Click to expand...
Bf should take a walk.
 
A

ALauren

Member
#15
Oct 22, 2013
93
1
0
#15
justagirlinalonelyworld said:
I am eighteen, and have chosen to remain a virgin until marriage. I have been dating my first boyfriend for six months, and he does not accept that I want to remain a virgin until I am married. I suggested waiting until we were in a situation where we were ready to get married, but he says no. He has become very rough with me and keeps pushing me to go farther than I want to sexually. I am scared to leave him because he says that he cant live without me etc. etc. but I don't want to have sex with him, and lately it feels like our relationship is all about that.

What does everyone think? Should I loosen up like he says? SHould I leave him? What do I do?
Click to expand...
If he can't accept the fact that you want to wait, let him go. You shouldn't be in a relationship where your boyfriend is forcing you into situations you are uncomfortable with. You are doing right in waiting, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise :)
 
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Brandon116

Guest
#16
#16
if he really loves you and says "he cant live without you" then let him prove himself.. stay true to what is right and if he keeps pressuring you into wanting to do something you don't want to do. let him know that your a Christian and your doing gods will so if you can accept that then you guys just weren't meant to be. just little advice. theirs billions of Christians here on earth and he if says your the one for him then he will respect what you have say and understand.. but if not its obvious he just wants sex. "TRUTH HURTS"
 
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Tintin

Guest
#17
#17
I'm pretty sure there aren't billions of Christians on the earth, there are only 7 billion people in the whole world. There may be hundreds of millions of Christians though.
 
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oldernotwiser

Guest
#18
#18
if he is "very rough" with you now ..... RUN !!! that is a mark of an abuser. as far as not being able to live without you, it appears that he isn't interested in you but in some kind of sexual fantasy where you play the female lead. move on dear. if you want to talk just contact me, i'm about as safe as a person can be on line, im 75 years old and in china. i will be praying for you
 
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Brandon116

Guest
#19
#19
1/3 of the people in this world are Christians I just heard it on the history channel and that's around a billion of people.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#20
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#20
justagirlinalonelyworld said:
I am eighteen, and have chosen to remain a virgin until marriage. I have been dating my first boyfriend for six months, and he does not accept that I want to remain a virgin until I am married. I suggested waiting until we were in a situation where we were ready to get married, but he says no. He has become very rough with me and keeps pushing me to go farther than I want to sexually. I am scared to leave him because he says that he cant live without me etc. etc. but I don't want to have sex with him, and lately it feels like our relationship is all about that.

What does everyone think? Should I loosen up like he says? SHould I leave him? What do I do?
Click to expand...
I think saving sex is not only acting in obedience to God but also a choice that is considerate of your future husband.

Just like many other people have said, LEAVE HIM... He's stepping over a red line. LEAVE HIM. There are many other christian guys out there that will treat you better than that. He is showing himself as someone who wants to comprise with God and his future wife.

Also, Percepi, is not a christian. He made it vague by saying that sex is an act of love... However, that expression of love is meant between a husband and wife.

Again, LEAVE HIM.... even if he says he can't live with out you. He's trying to hold you hostage... if he decides to make stupid choices.. its on him. DON'T LET HIM DRAG YOU WITH HIM IN HIS STUPID CHOICES.
 
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