Afraid to take a chance?

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faithonhigh

Guest
#1
#1
I personally think dating is so that you can find your potential spouse... With that being said, I don't date because of that. I'm too scared of the thought of marriage (even if I think of it being 10 years away). Every time I picture myself getting married I start freaking out and picturing a divorce, which is something I never want to go through. I'm so afraid of divorce that I can't ever picture myself getting married. I mean, I know I'm young and I have a while to go before I'd even consider it and my mind could change within that time, but I'm so turned off by the thought of giving my heart to someone and marrying them, and giving them every part of me and then watching them walk away. I know that as a Christian it's important for me to find someone who is also a Christian, but that doesn't help my fear of marriage/divorce because divorce is still pretty common with Christians too. It's really hard because I want to meet new people and go on cute dates and stuff but if I can't see myself getting married I know I have no business dating. :(
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#2
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
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#2
faithonhigh said:
I personally think dating is so that you can find your potential spouse... With that being said, I don't date because of that. I'm too scared of the thought of marriage (even if I think of it being 10 years away). Every time I picture myself getting married I start freaking out and picturing a divorce, which is something I never want to go through. I'm so afraid of divorce that I can't ever picture myself getting married. I mean, I know I'm young and I have a while to go before I'd even consider it and my mind could change within that time, but I'm so turned off by the thought of giving my heart to someone and marrying them, and giving them every part of me and then watching them walk away. I know that as a Christian it's important for me to find someone who is also a Christian, but that doesn't help my fear of marriage/divorce because divorce is still pretty common with Christians too. It's really hard because I want to meet new people and go on cute dates and stuff but if I can't see myself getting married I know I have no business dating. :(
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The main thing is day by day keeping focused on the Lord (Hebrews 12.2), and then He can take care of whatever future He has for you, right?
 
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faithonhigh

Guest
#3
#3
faroukfarouk said:
The main thing is day by day keeping focused on the Lord (Hebrews 12.2), and then He can take care of whatever future He has for you, right?
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You're right!
 
S

Spokenpassage

Guest
#4
#4
I kinda feel the same way. I don't want to say scared, but instead careful. It is too often people get into a mix with relationships and it crumbles from there. I believe it's mainly because Christ isn't in the center.

Like my brother above said, keep your focus on God and don't worry. :)
 
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faithonhigh

Guest
#5
#5
Spokenpassage said:
I kinda feel the same way. I don't want to say scared, but instead careful. It is too often people get into a mix with relationships and it crumbles from there. I believe it's mainly because Christ isn't in the center.

Like my brother above said, keep your focus on God and don't worry. :)
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I try my hardest to keep God first. But my past experience with relationships is without exaggeration every guy I've ever dated except one said they were a Christian and put on a pretty good mask of their true ways just so I would date them.. So I don't know when God would really be the center for both of us or just one, so I just stopped.
 
C

Callmebadger

Guest
#6
#6
If they're a true Christ follower, you'll know without a doubt. With this said, just being a Christian doesn't make you a good person, which I imagine only adds to your fears. People are quite unpredictable, I've found. But on the bright side, more than ever now you can support yourself as a woman. So you can choose to go as far as you'd like without actually going "all in", ya know? Just find someone that you enjoy being around and isn't a total bloke when things get bad. Trust me, if you wait an appropriate amount of time before going "all in", there will be ample bad times, as well as opportunities for him to prove himself.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
41,304
16,297
113
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Tennessee
#7
faithonhigh said:
I personally think dating is so that you can find your potential spouse... With that being said, I don't date because of that. I'm too scared of the thought of marriage (even if I think of it being 10 years away). Every time I picture myself getting married I start freaking out and picturing a divorce, which is something I never want to go through. I'm so afraid of divorce that I can't ever picture myself getting married. I mean, I know I'm young and I have a while to go before I'd even consider it and my mind could change within that time, but I'm so turned off by the thought of giving my heart to someone and marrying them, and giving them every part of me and then watching them walk away. I know that as a Christian it's important for me to find someone who is also a Christian, but that doesn't help my fear of marriage/divorce because divorce is still pretty common with Christians too. It's really hard because I want to meet new people and go on cute dates and stuff but if I can't see myself getting married I know I have no business dating. :(
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Yes, I can understand where you are coming from. Now, in regards to dating, just think of these experiences as little excursions. Fear will inhibit your growth in this particular arena and in life in general. Now go on, and take a little field trip to Arby's or whatever your prospective date can afford. Oh yeah, he is going to pay for this "date". That's just how it is dear.
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#8
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
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#8
I wonder why you're so concerned about divorce, Faith. ANy idea why you immediately think of it after marriage?
 
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faithonhigh

Guest
#9
#9
Callmebadger said:
If they're a true Christ follower, you'll know without a doubt. With this said, just being a Christian doesn't make you a good person, which I imagine only adds to your fears. People are quite unpredictable, I've found. But on the bright side, more than ever now you can support yourself as a woman. So you can choose to go as far as you'd like without actually going "all in", ya know? Just find someone that you enjoy being around and isn't a total bloke when things get bad. Trust me, if you wait an appropriate amount of time before going "all in", there will be ample bad times, as well as opportunities for him to prove himself.
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I guess I'll just see where life takes me... and who I'll meet.. Although right now it's just hard to picture finding someone worth it.
 
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faithonhigh

Guest
#10
#10
tourist said:
Yes, I can understand where you are coming from. Now, in regards to dating, just think of these experiences as little excursions. Fear will inhibit your growth in this particular arena and in life in general. Now go on, and take a little field trip to Arby's or whatever your prospective date can afford. Oh yeah, he is going to pay for this "date". That's just how it is dear.
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I don't think I understand what you were meaning to say.
 
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faithonhigh

Guest
#11
#11
JimJimmers said:
I wonder why you're so concerned about divorce, Faith. ANy idea why you immediately think of it after marriage?
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I've always though of divorce when I think of marriage... Maybe an effect of my parents' divorce? I'm not too sure..
 
F

faroukfarouk

Banned
#12
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#12
faithonhigh said:
I try my hardest to keep God first. But my past experience with relationships is without exaggeration every guy I've ever dated except one said they were a Christian and put on a pretty good mask of their true ways just so I would date them.. So I don't know when God would really be the center for both of us or just one, so I just stopped.
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You know where the word 'sincere' comes from? it's from a phrase meaning, without wax. In other words, without a mask. For so many people, it doesn't take long before the mask slips. Seems like you are good at discerning this.

Our relationship with the Lord matters far, far more.
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#13
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
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#13
faithonhigh said:
I've always though of divorce when I think of marriage... Maybe an effect of my parents' divorce? I'm not too sure..
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Well, I reckon that you have been given a healthy, deep conviction about what should be avoided at all costs. But the Lord can strengthen and guide. In the end, it's our relationship with Him that comes first.
 
P

-puppy-

Guest
#14
#14
I agree with you in that not dating is the sensible answer for you. To marry someone with a bailout package in mind is not marriage or commitment. It is simply a living arrangement in which to pass time.
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#15
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#15
faithonhigh said:
I don't think I understand what you were meaning to say.
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I think he means, dating is harmless "in case" you like the person. (Although I would have thought that even before going out with someone it's a definite advantage already to have the idea that you like the person as a Christian.) Blessings.
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#16
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
48
#16
I guess the best advice I have, Faith, is to pray about it. Ask God to show you what His plans for your dating life are. It may be that you will remain single, or that you'll get married, but God wants you to have what's best for you. I'll pray for you also. -JIM
 
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Jda016

Guest
#17
#17
faithonhigh said:
I personally think dating is so that you can find your potential spouse... With that being said, I don't date because of that. I'm too scared of the thought of marriage (even if I think of it being 10 years away). Every time I picture myself getting married I start freaking out and picturing a divorce, which is something I never want to go through. I'm so afraid of divorce that I can't ever picture myself getting married. I mean, I know I'm young and I have a while to go before I'd even consider it and my mind could change within that time, but I'm so turned off by the thought of giving my heart to someone and marrying them, and giving them every part of me and then watching them walk away. I know that as a Christian it's important for me to find someone who is also a Christian, but that doesn't help my fear of marriage/divorce because divorce is still pretty common with Christians too. It's really hard because I want to meet new people and go on cute dates and stuff but if I can't see myself getting married I know I have no business dating. :(
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I am 30 and I still am not married or have a significant relationship.

I remember being asked out in college, but before I went on a date, I asked her if we could just have coffee and talk at the college coffee shop. I asked her about her beliefs and she said she grew up Christian, but fell away from God because she partied hard and then she told me she had a 2 year old daughter. I offered to be a friend and was willing to talk with her more about The Lord and the Bible, but she didn't want to. But because I wouldn't "date" her she didn't like me at all afterwards.

I agree with you. I only want to date someone I know that I would potentially marry and if they are not completely sold out for Christ, then I would never give them the wrong Impression by dating them.

I feel that if The Lord wants me married, then He will show me in His good time, but as for now I am content with what I have.

We should not seek relationships simply because we are lonely or because everyone else has one, we should seek them based on God's direction in our life.

May God grant you wisdom and discernment that you may know His will for your life. May he also give you peace and rest so that you will not fear divorce in your own life that you saw in your parent's. don't let that fear bind you.
 
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GaurdianAngel

Guest
#18
#18
It all comes down to maturity. If you feel like you are mature enough to date then try it. Be safe of course and start small like a movie or something like that.
 
A

Addy007

Guest
#19
#19
As a man think in his heart so is he says the Bible. If what has dominated your mind is divorce, its obvious you have divorced far before you meet your feature husband. Way out, confess with your mouth everyday that, "I will get married and enjoy my family, divorce is not my portion" Have been married for 6 years and I'm happy I did.
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#20
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#20
faithonhigh said:
I guess I'll just see where life takes me... and who I'll meet.. Although right now it's just hard to picture finding someone worth it.
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Remember that it's the Lord that opens doors and closes doors. Revelation 3.7 speaks of 'He that has the key of David, he that opens and no one shuts, and that shuts and no one opens'. What the Lord asks us simply to do is to trust Him! Blessings.
 
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