C
I don't think the thoughts that pop in my head are normal for people my age. My mind is always going 90 mph. I've tried to stop it, but alas to no avail. I feel like I've learned in my few years what takes most a lifetime, much to my chagrin. I used to separate myself from the crowd during school and just ponder. I often wondered where the thoughts came from, but I've had them for as long as I can remember.
I started out with nothing. And one day I saw a peer of mine with great athletic ability whom was adored. I prayed to God, "Lord give me athletic ability", and he granted it to me, as is just I thought. What I found was that it brought me neither joy nor friends. One day I noticed a neighbor of mine with terrible misfortune, but yet somehow managed to smile back into the face of uncertainty. I prayed, "Lord, give me strength", and he granted it to me, as is just I thought. What I found was that it brought me neither joy nor contentment. One day I witnessed a classmate of mine with a mind as sharp as a knife. I prayed, "Lord above, give me the intelligence to bask in the knowledge of learning, and he granted it to me, as is just I thought. But what I found was that it brought me neither joy, nor praise. Finally, one day I met an old man with a mouth that spoke of truth hard earned from many years of experience. I prayed to God, "Lord, give me the wisdom and composure to recognize that which is abstract so that I may observe things for what they truly are", and he granted it to me, as is just I thought. What I found was emptiness. I felt that my virtue had transformed itself into a curse.
Human nature, I observed with diligence and struggled to understand. I found that people put their hope into many things ranging from money, to material objects, to even other people. Yet humorously enough, almost never in the creator of such things. I found in a world where hatred is prevalent, that anger clouds judgment and destroys the mind. I told myself that I would never fall to such fallacy, and yet I grew to hate the very thing that allowed me to comprehend it. "One shouldn't be too hasty in his reproaches", I thought. Likewise, I fell to addiction to that which is unGodly. I came to the conclusion that I had only convinced myself that I really needed anything that this world has to offer. With my insight I observed others on the same road to see where it might lead. I called out to them, but sound does not reach such places. Witnessing the end result, I stopped and pondered where I should go from there. I went home and opened my Bible. In The Lord I found purpose and direction, as is just I thought.
However, the thoughts still haven't stopped. Briefly I come to a point of mental equilibrium and manage to suck it up and act like a normal person, to varying success. I haven't shared with anyone the thoughts that haunt me, I guess out of fear of being labeled a freak, or maybe that they won't understand. I suppose my point is I'm wondering if anyone else suffers from similar afflictions and if so, if anyone has found a lasting solution.
I started out with nothing. And one day I saw a peer of mine with great athletic ability whom was adored. I prayed to God, "Lord give me athletic ability", and he granted it to me, as is just I thought. What I found was that it brought me neither joy nor friends. One day I noticed a neighbor of mine with terrible misfortune, but yet somehow managed to smile back into the face of uncertainty. I prayed, "Lord, give me strength", and he granted it to me, as is just I thought. What I found was that it brought me neither joy nor contentment. One day I witnessed a classmate of mine with a mind as sharp as a knife. I prayed, "Lord above, give me the intelligence to bask in the knowledge of learning, and he granted it to me, as is just I thought. But what I found was that it brought me neither joy, nor praise. Finally, one day I met an old man with a mouth that spoke of truth hard earned from many years of experience. I prayed to God, "Lord, give me the wisdom and composure to recognize that which is abstract so that I may observe things for what they truly are", and he granted it to me, as is just I thought. What I found was emptiness. I felt that my virtue had transformed itself into a curse.
Human nature, I observed with diligence and struggled to understand. I found that people put their hope into many things ranging from money, to material objects, to even other people. Yet humorously enough, almost never in the creator of such things. I found in a world where hatred is prevalent, that anger clouds judgment and destroys the mind. I told myself that I would never fall to such fallacy, and yet I grew to hate the very thing that allowed me to comprehend it. "One shouldn't be too hasty in his reproaches", I thought. Likewise, I fell to addiction to that which is unGodly. I came to the conclusion that I had only convinced myself that I really needed anything that this world has to offer. With my insight I observed others on the same road to see where it might lead. I called out to them, but sound does not reach such places. Witnessing the end result, I stopped and pondered where I should go from there. I went home and opened my Bible. In The Lord I found purpose and direction, as is just I thought.
However, the thoughts still haven't stopped. Briefly I come to a point of mental equilibrium and manage to suck it up and act like a normal person, to varying success. I haven't shared with anyone the thoughts that haunt me, I guess out of fear of being labeled a freak, or maybe that they won't understand. I suppose my point is I'm wondering if anyone else suffers from similar afflictions and if so, if anyone has found a lasting solution.