Parties, friends and loneliness | Advice?

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ScaryJS97

Guest
#1
#1
On Saturday, there was another big party that everyone I know at college went to. I'm talking parties where everyone's drunk, kissing, filled with lust, getting into fights, etc. It's nothing new; there's always parties like this here. But this time some of my closest friends went and got drunk. I've always seen them as 'the last hope' in the school, the last group of people that haven't been corrupted by the world (I really shouldn't have because they're just as human as me and you). Now I feel like there's no one around me that isn't like the world. I mean, all of them except two are not believers anyway, so I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I think it just hit me this time and made me realise that they're going to perish. Even my two Christian friends are falling away.

"Envy, drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God." ~ Galatians 5:21

"Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise." ~ Proverbs 20:1

They know how I feel about drunkenness and they know I stand in Christ and believe in His gospel, but they don't listen. What am I supposed to do? How can I bring them to Christ? I'm watching my friends kill themselves in their sin and it's breaking my heart. I realise now how the Father must feel about ALL of us when we sin against Him; they're fools but I love these fools, I don't want them to die. But I preach the gospel all the time, and that's all we can do, but they don't listen. What should I do? Should I just accept that they're not elect and detach myself from them so I don't feel so sorrowful about them, or keep on preaching in case God plans to bring them to Him but just not at the current time?

The other issue that's getting me down is that I clearly have no friends on my wavelength and although I speak to these people on a daily basis, get on with them extremely well and can have an amazingly enjoyable and humourous time with them all, I actually feel very lonely because I'm the only one that will abstain from worldly things. My two Christian friends believe in Christ, but are still attending things like these parties and indulging in worldly activities and debauchery. They only seem to be 'Christians' on Sundays, and they're a major part of the reason why I've actually been staying away from church for the past few months because I just feel like they're all hypocrites. However, my lack of fellowship with Christians and the anguish that's causing me is making me realise how stupid that decision of mine was. I'm thinking I should probably seek a new church where I can settle in and make some good solid friendships with people that won't cause me pain like my current friends.

But I'm not sure. I really don't know what to do. All thoughts, advice, prayers, help and fellowship would be extremely appreciated right now. Thank you for reading this and considering me and my friends. God bless you all in Jesus' name.


-Jon
 
ronnie2796

ronnie2796

Senior Member
#2
May 9, 2014
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I think that separation might be a good idea, but not total separation as some people see it.

Tell them how you feel, and how you're hurting for them, one last time. Tell them that you love them very much and you're still willing to love them and be their friend, but you can't spend all of your time around behavior like that. Distance yourself, be a good example. pray for them, and be there for them when they need you.

I've had to do the same thing and its very painful, but its so much better to be around people who will build you and your relationship with God, rather than drag you down.
I wish you the best!
 
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ScaryJS97

Guest
#3
#3
Thanks, Ronnie. You're right. I will speak to them when I get the chance, and if that doesn't work then a degree of separation is probably a good idea. Any tips on how to do this? How far should I distance myself, exactly? I don't want to completely abandon them, I just don't want them to be too close. It's hard to determine what distance is far enough.
 
ronnie2796

ronnie2796

Senior Member
#4
May 9, 2014
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That's very true. It sounds harsh, but its almost better to just start replacing them with better friends. Find a good church home with uplifting people, spend time with them when you would've spent time with the old friends. After a while the separation will happen on its own, and they'll know that they can still talk to you and that you still love them.

If they question you, or ask you to spend more time than your comfortable with, just find something else to do. You're not doing anything wrong by putting yourself in a better situation.
 
Crazyteen

Crazyteen

Senior Member
#5
Aug 11, 2013
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#5
Hey Bud, I know how you feel.
First of all if your friends get drunk all the time, do they nag you to come to parties?
Because people that start to all out party usually find pleasure in making Christians stumble, so be very wary of who your friends are. Keep just the right amount of distance so they they will not make you stumble.
Is their anyone you can really trust? Besides Jesus maybe start making friends with the older generation. Like grandpas that go fishing.
Your Friends are also growing up and experiencing a freedom that they can "finally do what they want".
Young Christians usually actually end up being better Christians after they realize how cold and evil the world is.
Just help them realize that when you see them down and out after a party.


Anyway be a good example for them.
 
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ScaryJS97

Guest
#6
#6
ronnie2796 said:
That's very true. It sounds harsh, but its almost better to just start replacing them with better friends. Find a good church home with uplifting people, spend time with them when you would've spent time with the old friends. After a while the separation will happen on its own, and they'll know that they can still talk to you and that you still love them.

If they question you, or ask you to spend more time than your comfortable with, just find something else to do. You're not doing anything wrong by putting yourself in a better situation.
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Thank you, that makes sense. I appreciate it! :)

Crazyteen said:
Hey Bud, I know how you feel.
First of all if your friends get drunk all the time, do they nag you to come to parties?
Because people that start to all out party usually find pleasure in making Christians stumble, so be very wary of who your friends are. Keep just the right amount of distance so they they will not make you stumble.
Is their anyone you can really trust? Besides Jesus maybe start making friends with the older generation. Like grandpas that go fishing.
Your Friends are also growing up and experiencing a freedom that they can "finally do what they want".
Young Christians usually actually end up being better Christians after they realize how cold and evil the world is.
Just help them realize that when you see them down and out after a party.


Anyway be a good example for them.
Click to expand...
Thank you, Crazyteen.

They don't get drunk all the time, no. There are always parties every week or two, but my friends very rarely go. This is the first time that I can remember or I am aware of that they have went and joined in with it all. I think that's why it's been quite a shock to me.

They were saying that I should come and enjoy myself, and that I could stay sober if I wanted, but I knew the temptation would be high (in fact, they themselves said they were not going to get drunk, but they did; they were quickly enticed into it all) and so I told them that I didn't want to go and encouraged that they didn't too. They were fine with me not going and have said that they respect my beliefs and decisions. So I don't feel like they're trying to make me stumble.

My anguish is not coming from them trying to trip me up (because they're not - well, not yet anyway), but rather it's coming from the fact that they're showing clear signs of becoming increasingly worldly. They're good friends, I love them, I don't want to watch them do this to themselves.
 
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Callmebadger

Guest
#7
#7
You're going through the same thing I used to. I used to put my hope in people too, only to have that indescribable feeling of betrayal when I got online to discover what they had done the previous night, or who they had been with. The people you thought to yourself would never stoop to such a level, basking in the pleasures offered by a forsaken world. It sucks, man. Gosh, it sucks.

I've long since severed any ties with people I felt didn't strive to serve The Lord as best they could. After a while, people got the point and didn't even bother trying to invite me to parties anymore. Sometimes I get lonely. I'm sure everyone can relate to the vast, empty feeling. Something about not seeing my phone light up every few seconds and not having any notifications like everyone else makes me wonder sometimes if there's something wrong with me. But then I pray to God and he gives me the strength I need to carry on. Find your burning passion to carry on whatever you choose to do, mate.
 
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ScaryJS97

Guest
#8
#8
Callmebadger said:
You're going through the same thing I used to. I used to put my hope in people too, only to have that indescribable feeling of betrayal when I got online to discover what they had done the previous night, or who they had been with. The people you thought to yourself would never stoop to such a level, basking in the pleasures offered by a forsaken world. It sucks, man. Gosh, it sucks.

I've long since severed any ties with people I felt didn't strive to serve The Lord as best they could. After a while, people got the point and didn't even bother trying to invite me to parties anymore. Sometimes I get lonely. I'm sure everyone can relate to the vast, empty feeling. Something about not seeing my phone light up every few seconds and not having any notifications like everyone else makes me wonder sometimes if there's something wrong with me. But then I pray to God and he gives me the strength I need to carry on. Find your burning passion to carry on whatever you choose to do, mate.
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I appreciate it, Badger. I know exactly what you mean. God bless.
 
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