hi catherine,
wow, i'm so sorry to hear you've been having such a hard time and i'm glad you weren't successful in your attempt. i don't know what is going on in your life that you're struggling with, but my heart breaks for you, and the pain that you're feeling.
depression is a very serious issue, and i pray that you are getting some help as well from a doctor/counselor.
you are far too precious to God and regardless of how difficult things may be right now, He has amazing and wonderful plans for your life.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jer 29:11
i have gone through some pretty rough times in my life, but what i've learned is that God never forsakes us. we cannot "escape God's love, even if we tried!
in fact, He loved us so much that He not only sent His Son to die for our sins, but also sent us a Comforter, the Holy Spirit to help us though this journey of life. God loves you so much that it is written that he collects our tears in a bottle. You are a beloved and cherished daughter.
See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him.1 john 3:1
i've already sent you a pm. i'd be happy to chat with you, or if you'd prefer, we can PM each other. you were very smart to reach out for some encouragement/help, and i pray that you're taking advantage of any help or support available to you locally as well.
*hugs*
monica