Not manly enough, who am I? Whats with this feeling when I see boys!!!! idk help me=(

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K

KFS

Guest
#1
#1
Ok........sigh. I am effeminate, and just like a double edge sword, it has its ups and downs. The problem I'm having is that I can picture myself in the future, happily married and with a loving wife and children (twins hopefully lol) but I dont think that I am going to be manly enough to take on struggles. In Jamaica being girly is worst than being gay, they get it twisted so I have been bullied and its not the best experience. Then I was stupid enough to "start experimenting with the same gender" and.......................................................................... i liked it. For once I could be myself and have people love me and I didn't feel insecure or weak and what I need most which is protection, I got that! but then my Christianity started pounding me in my face because it reached so bad that even at church i'd all of a sudden look at my pastor or even church brother and "feel excited" and I felt embarrassed (nobody knows only me). I keep praying but I don't now what to pray for? when I was experimenting I made a couple friends (and bf) and since I changed (blocking all of them and doing some serious fasting) or so I say, I dont know what to do about them. I dont want to leave them and they go and die in sin but at the same time I dont wanna go back down that road (or so I say which is my worst problem, my experimenting got wayy too deep). I dont wanna go to Hell. but I feel like I can try to convert a few them idk...... honestly.
I just graduated from High School ( youngest of my class lol 16 ) and I have a big life ahead and I keep on asking myself
Am I ready for bigger tempations?
Why cant I seperate my fleshy desires from my spiritual ones?
Why is it that a part of me wants to go back?
Why cant I tell my family (mom and dad ) about this?
Will I ever be a good husband! or boyfriend! because I always break up with my girlfriends because I feel that I am not fulfilling my role, or that because I have a crush on her brother or that she will break my heart?
Why cant I be normal?
Why do people judge me and call me fag, drag queen, sissy or whateva even when I am not!
Why are things so complicated??
Whats up with the horrible mood swings!!
I need help lol, like ALOT but idk............sigh............ I just dont know whats happening or who I am anymore? A part of me does this, another wants that, why can't i go to church and feel comfortable especially when we have visitors who are attractive?
How can I make God my main source, just like how my ex(bf) was for me??
Why does God love me when all I do is mess up? Time is running out and I really really dont wanna go to hell! And if that wasnt bad enough I have a fear of painful death, so I just feel like i'm gonna get ganged and "forced" and killed! Especially in a very gay hostile country..... sigh
 
Crazyteen

Crazyteen

Senior Member
#2
Aug 11, 2013
110
0
16
28
#2
KFS said:
Ok........sigh. I am effeminate, and just like a double edge sword, it has its ups and downs. The problem I'm having is that I can picture myself in the future, happily married and with a loving wife and children (twins hopefully lol) but I dont think that I am going to be manly enough to take on struggles. In Jamaica being girly is worst than being gay, they get it twisted so I have been bullied and its not the best experience. Then I was stupid enough to "start experimenting with the same gender" and.......................................................................... i liked it. For once I could be myself and have people love me and I didn't feel insecure or weak and what I need most which is protection, I got that! but then my Christianity started pounding me in my face because it reached so bad that even at church i'd all of a sudden look at my pastor or even church brother and "feel excited" and I felt embarrassed (nobody knows only me). I keep praying but I don't now what to pray for? when I was experimenting I made a couple friends (and bf) and since I changed (blocking all of them and doing some serious fasting) or so I say, I dont know what to do about them. I dont want to leave them and they go and die in sin but at the same time I dont wanna go back down that road (or so I say which is my worst problem, my experimenting got wayy too deep). I dont wanna go to Hell. but I feel like I can try to convert a few them idk...... honestly.
I just graduated from High School ( youngest of my class lol 16 ) and I have a big life ahead and I keep on asking myself
Am I ready for bigger tempations?
Why cant I seperate my fleshy desires from my spiritual ones?
Why is it that a part of me wants to go back?
Why cant I tell my family (mom and dad ) about this?
Will I ever be a good husband! or boyfriend! because I always break up with my girlfriends because I feel that I am not fulfilling my role, or that because I have a crush on her brother or that she will break my heart?
Why cant I be normal?
Why do people judge me and call me fag, drag queen, sissy or whateva even when I am not!
Why are things so complicated??
Whats up with the horrible mood swings!!
I need help lol, like ALOT but idk............sigh............ I just dont know whats happening or who I am anymore? A part of me does this, another wants that, why can't i go to church and feel comfortable especially when we have visitors who are attractive?
How can I make God my main source, just like how my ex(bf) was for me??
Why does God love me when all I do is mess up? Time is running out and I really really dont wanna go to hell! And if that wasnt bad enough I have a fear of painful death, so I just feel like i'm gonna get ganged and "forced" and killed! Especially in a very gay hostile country..... sigh
Click to expand...
Hello there
I just would like to remind you that EVERYONE is a sinner whether its sodomy, envy,hate, etc....
The bible clearly defines the fruit of the spirit in galatians 5 :kindness,gentleness, forgiving, peace-loving.
Start telling people to love god and maybe they will not judge you, but who cares if they judge you anyway?
You as a Christian should be doing your best to live through the spirit, that means that you just do what god tells you to do instead of making up your own mind about things.
Being tempted is NOT a sin,however listening to the devil or the person the devil is abusing when he tempts you and doing the things he says is sin. Jesus was tempted for 40 days when he was in the desert fasting and he actually thought about listening to the devil but he ended up doing whats right.
About your old "friends": If they will lead you into temptation stay away! once you are spiritually mature enough you will be able to witness to them about your changed life when the time comes! But untill then you must stay pure-hearted and desire god above all. You should also forgive Everyone who trespasses against you. Now THAT my friend is true manliness!!!!
People ganging up on one person does not sound manly to me! A True man stands alone and fights not for this world, but for god, not by getting physical but by forgiving.
A man does not go to hell or to heaven because of deeds he does on earth, but if you have accepted Christs forgiveness of your sins and thus are able to forgive everyone who trespasses against you, you shall have eternal life.(That's what the bible says, but I'm not sure where)
Also do you have a bible?
Maybe you should start spending more time reading the bible by yourself or with your parents. Start praying alot, whenever temptations comes, talk to Jesus!!
GO my brother and be a light to this World!!
With Love
Simon
 
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K

KFS

Guest
#3
#3
Re: Not manly enough, who am I? Whats with this feeling when I see boys!!!! idk help

;) thank you Simon
 
M

MooseAura

Guest
#4
#4
Re: Not manly enough, who am I? Whats with this feeling when I see boys!!!! idk help

Wow, Simon summed up many of the things I could have said. Haha

As a teen aged young man just having graduated, I know those temptations the devil uses against us young men. It's an evil world. Very wicked!

The best I can say to you is to yearn your Bible. Know what "being a Christian" is. (Many say it but don't know it!) God WILL use you and bless you if you want Him to and allow him to!!! You can allow Him to by losing those old friends, abandoning those worldly lusts, repenting of and forgetting those old sins!

Jesus loves you, and wants to use you my friend! Please grow close to your parents. They love you and want to help, and if they are godly Christian parents, please read the Bible with them! Or talk about it with them!

If anything, pray about it brother, and maybe talk to your dad about it? He loves you, and would want nothing more than to direct you in this tough Christian life.
 
M

Meg18

Guest
#5
#5
Hello! Im not sure if you will read this because i am new to this site and havent figured out everything yet. But i was reading your story and i have been through the same thing. I was always a tomboy and felt like one of te guys. Everytime i had a boyfriend i felt stronger or not girly enough.. I decided to try the other way. And it went on for a while. Yes. Just like you, i felt like i could be myself and didnt have to change or anything. I felt like this was perfect. But i always questioned it, knowing it was a sin. I felt like i couldnt grow up and have the family of my dreams like this! How would my family react? I told my mom about my decision. She wasnt happy. She got me back in church. I now do not have any thoughts consering the dame sex. I realized that satan will make you feel joy in any sin. Homosexuality is a sin. Many people dont get out of it. I think if you pray to God to take away the thoughts and desires it will go away! If you need to talk about anything i am here
 
T

ToLiveIsToChrist

Guest
#6
#6
Re: Not manly enough, who am I? Whats with this feeling when I see boys!!!! idk help

Hi! I related to your story because about 1 month ago I went on a missions trip to Jamaica and I understand the level of hostility towards gay people (DONT SAY BUDDY!! Is what we were told) anyways, if you really want to be able to conquer this you have to let your Christian brothers and sisters help you. Besides, everyone is messed up and has their issues, the Church should be the most open and non judgmental place (unfortunately that is not always true) I know it seems crazy for me to say but the devil is threatened by you. He wants you to hold onto that fear because when you don't let people help you and you let it continue to happen the Devil is winning. Just remember that it's okay to not be okay. I think what your struggling with is one of the hardest sins to conquer. Now, this may only be my belief but from my understanding of the bible is that your being tempted by what you're feeling is not a sin. The bible says that Jesus when he was on earth was tempted in every manner. So if you have those thoughts, don't act on them. The minute you act on it, it becomes a sin. God loves you. Know this for a fact when everything else seems wrong, You are not a lost cause and you are worthy to be loved by him. Surround yourself with people that love you and love God that will support you and that you can be completely honest with. Also for your information if you have accepted Jesus' gift of eternal life you're not going to Hell no matter how many times you mess up.
 
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