I feel the same way, When I was 18 I was sooo close to God, I read the bible a lot, went to church and wanted to grow in the Lord a lot. Then when I was 19 things just started going down hill.. I distanced myself because of the things I was going through which till this day I have only told 3 people. I went through depression and wanted to kill myself. I din't want to live any more more than ever before. I started getting better a couple of months after I turned 20 but by then I din't pray and feel close to God like before, I rarely read the bible. When I was 21 I fell in love with someone for the first time and around that time I found out soo many things and once again I went through a lot that I finally broke down and started having anxiety attacks, at first I din't know what they were I thought I was sick or something because I couldn't breath and every time I took deep breaths I felt like it wasnt enough. One night I ended up going to the hospital because it got so bad and thats when I found out it was anxiety attacks, That night I broke down and the following days I was sooo depressed from finding out my so called best friend never cared about me even though I did everything to help her since the age of 14, I even ended up fighting her sister because of the things she did in the past to hurt me, I fought in front of my house and lost so that made me even angrier and sad.
After that I just remained dead and numb inside, I was kind of out of depression but yet still felt sooo empty and numb inside I started going to clubs every weekend and doing things I shouldn't have. I still believed in God and even now I still do. Eventually I got better for a while. Now I'm 23 about to be 24 in January and I feel empty, lonely and angry inside. I have no friends, no boyfriend no family members that I am close to except for my mom. I like being alone, I tried making some Christian friends but I feel like I really am meant to never have a best friend or even friend for that matter so I just prefer to be alone most of the time.
I believe in God and am trying to read the bible more and be close to him like before but I still feel empty and alone. I am just tired of being alive and I have not taken my life away due to the fear that I will burn in hell for that.
I believe in God and I know I always will, Jesus is my savior and always will be, I just hope to one day be closer than I was to him when I was 18.