Feeling lonely in church?

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Malcyboy

Guest
#1
#1
For past year or two i have been struggling on and off with feeling "out of it" or unconnected in church, and just feel out of place and ultimately lonely... I have people I enjoy their company and they mine, however do to lifestyles and careers its not always possible to spend time with them and speak...

I often feel like because I am an introverted person and prefer deep and meaningful conversations rather than large groups with fleeting regularly changing topics, that I feel this way and I dunno how to remedy this...simply I could just have more deep and meanigful conversations but how when people have lives outwith our friendships (that is not a blind statement, but a fact of life that their lives do not revolve around me and they shouldn't) and i have tried just enjoying group conversations and it doesn't work, I just find myself reserving and holding my input back...

My other option is to just enjoy being lonely...but how do I enjoy something that makes me feel miserable, to a point of depression and almost to the point of feeling like my home, my bedroom, my private places are like solitary confinement, a prison cell and I feel like another day alone and I might just snap and go insane...thats how I feel almost, like I am ready for a meltdown...

Please any advice is appreciated! I ain't wanting pity, I want answers..
 
Bushido8000

Bushido8000

Banned
#2
Jan 24, 2012
1,299
15
0
#2
I find myself in your shoes from time to time. I am also an introvert who oddly desires the company and companionship of others. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if you were blessed with the spiritual gifts of teaching and compassion.

Perhaps you need a hobby (playing guitar? Brazilian Jiu Jitsu?) and get out there and meet people with your availability.
Perhaps you are going to the wrong church? Maybe/Maybe not.

I just joined a church this year where my wife and I met a couple who share A LOT of the same interests as us. I find myself clicking better one on one with people rather than trying to be friends with "groups" you know?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
This is the introverts curse. Introverts are typically (not always) less outgoing. While introverts are capable of appreciating (and often needing) time alone, they still have a need for relationships as well. But since introverts are less likely to stand out in a crowd, and, as you pointed out, to dislike the casual chattiness of groups, it's hard for introverts to meet each other.
As a result introverts tend to flock to the internet where they can find other introverts more easily. Likely you will deal with this your whole life. Inside or outside of church. Just means you have to take more time finding people. Can be annoying or frustrating, but when you hold out you also tend to find more of what you're looking for.
 
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Malcyboy

Guest
#4
#4
Bushido8000 said:
I find myself in your shoes from time to time. I am also an introvert who oddly desires the company and companionship of others. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if you were blessed with the spiritual gifts of teaching and compassion.
Click to expand...
Thank you! its so good to know someone understands...Funnily enough I am in youth ministry and the majority of my youths come to me one on one for advice or counselling or comforting and I do teach now and then.

As you said Ugly, I think I maybe need to just make more effort to meet people and build relationships.
 
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Ho11y

Guest
#5
#5
I'm an introvert as well and seem to have this same problem. It's hard for me to strike up conversations with people, do small talk, and speak in large groups as well. Like you said, feeling disconnected.
I wish i could give you advice, but i can't because it looks like we're in the same boat. I really just wanted to tell you, i get where you're coming from and i have the same problem in church as well.
 
student

student

Senior Member
#6
Jul 20, 2010
1,031
154
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#6
I've been in your shoes when practicing a different type of Christian church. People were "standoffish", rarely said hello much less hugged or offered a meeting beyond the 1 hour service on Sunday.

My daughter introduced me to a new church. I was surrounded by Christians who hugged and cared and wanted to know how I was and if there were things they could pray for me for. In other words, they cared. I have learned so much about the Word and the Lord and have such a greater peace.

Not only that, I was very introverted with a low self-esteem, suffered from depression, even suicide attempts. I have led Praise and Worship with singing and trumpet, taught Sunday school among other things.

That was/is my experience. Today I have a deeply close walk with the Lord and fellowship with these wonderful people. On one occasion, I went back to the old church and hugged a parishioner. She was stunned at the time, but never forgot that moment. I wish I had hugged more. It is so important on this earth to be available to care for others. Not always a hug, but a kind word, or concern.

My advice isn't necessarily to switch churches, but start something where you are, if you'd like. Reach out to those who seem to struggle as you do. You can probably identify easily with some. Remember not to judge a book by its cover, but look beneath for the hurting soul. That is what God wants. That is what God loves the most.

Attend a bible study...or start one at a time that works for you. I was hospitalized for the attempts on my life and began my ministry reaching out to those in the hospital. A 12-year old boy found hope at a piano as I taught him a few notes and I have had the richness of several friendships in the interim from that event.

Be blessed and always know you are never alone. -student
 
jandian

jandian

Senior Member
#7
Feb 12, 2011
772
11
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#7
Its also something you can talk to GOD about. I am an advocate for talking to GOD about everything. He is a good listener and a friend who sticks closer than a brother. HE holds meaningful conversations too :). You will find that HE is more than willing to satisfy your need for fellowship with other persons and will lead you to the right persons. Been there done that.
 
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Wormwood

Guest
#8
#8
It takes all kinds, Malcyboy, but try not to lose heart about it. Have you made connections here, at least? The few you have here, at church, or outside of church, I hope is of value and of some hope to you. This has been something of a struggle for myself also.

I don't think it is an "introvert's curse" by any means (coming from someone that was a 'hyper introvert', if you will).
 
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AbbeyJoy

Guest
#9
#9
I'm an introvert also.. I talk alot on chats text messages but talking in a group no so great. Now one on one is good for me. Because it's easier and with out any distractions. Oh what makes it harder is the fact I'm also hard of hearing.. :/ and still learning to talk to people lol :)
 
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Wormwood

Guest
#10
#10
AbbeyJoy said:
I'm an introvert also.. I talk alot on chats text messages but talking in a group no so great
Click to expand...
For anyone else that can relate to this, please think about that. Online connections are taking precedent over more actual and personal relationships.
 
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Malcyboy

Guest
#11
#11
Wormwood said:
It takes all kinds, Malcyboy, but try not to lose heart about it. Have you made connections here, at least? The few you have here, at church, or outside of church, I hope is of value and of some hope to you. This has been something of a struggle for myself also.

I don't think it is an "introvert's curse" by any means (coming from someone that was a 'hyper introvert', if you will).
Click to expand...

I do value those friends I do have online, however, its hard to have a budding friendship and that sense of fulfilment from a relationship when theres that lack of physical contact...online I can be who I want, say what I want, portray what I want...but in person the real me has to shine, the real me is on display for all to see and thats what I feel I lack...that feeling of realness I guess...people who love me from who they have come to experience who I am rather than the person I want them to think I am..ll if that makes any sense
 
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Wormwood

Guest
#12
#12
Malcyboy said:
I do value those friends I do have online, however, its hard to have a budding friendship and that sense of fulfilment from a relationship when theres that lack of physical contact...online I can be who I want, say what I want, portray what I want...but in person the real me has to shine, the real me is on display for all to see and thats what I feel I lack...that feeling of realness I guess...people who love me from who they have come to experience who I am rather than the person I want them to think I am..ll if that makes any sense
Click to expand...
It absolutely makes sense! And I'm glad to hear you say all of this. Meaningful connections are most often found in our person to person encounters, where the spontaneity and all of our being is put out there on display, just as you said. Online, you really can be exactly who you want; a post can be tailored, a picture photoshopped, etc.

Again, don't lose hope. I don't think anybody here has "answers," but we can at least offer some degree of friendship, fellowship, and advice (and of course, prayer). And you never know: God may have intentions to utilize your loneliness. I'd like to think my time spent in loneliness, and the occasional bouts of it thereafter, have only served to build character. :)
 
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