Being unfaithful in marriage

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Nastasha

Guest
#1
#1
Hi. My husband of 2 years has been unfaithful for as a long time. We met in 2007 and I saw the signs of infidelity in 2008. We had our up and downs. Separated until he promised he has changed and all was gud until 3 months after our marriage. He constantly cheats and when caught he apologies and life goes on. When I check his phone ill find messages from 2/3 girlfriends. Sometimes he blames me for going through his phone. We have kids so I try to bare with him for the kids. We went for counselling and I was told to stop going through his phone. Now I have accepted that he cheats just so that he can stay. I'm unhappy and depressed. Life is so difficult without him.
 
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kenthomas27

Guest
#2
#2
Nastasha said:
Hi. My husband of 2 years has been unfaithful for as a long time. We met in 2007 and I saw the signs of infidelity in 2008. We had our up and downs. Separated until he promised he has changed and all was gud until 3 months after our marriage. He constantly cheats and when caught he apologies and life goes on. When I check his phone ill find messages from 2/3 girlfriends. Sometimes he blames me for going through his phone. We have kids so I try to bare with him for the kids. We went for counselling and I was told to stop going through his phone. Now I have accepted that he cheats just so that he can stay. I'm unhappy and depressed. Life is so difficult without him.
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I don't know you at all Nastasha, but it sounds to me like life is difficult WITH him. Sometimes I think that people go through life living with the things they can live with. Humans are almost like animals of habit, really. Your husband, for instance, has pretty minimal consequence for his actions. He gets the "satisfaction" of plenty of girlfriends apparently, and the consequence for this is an apology and "life goes on", not really realizing or maybe caring what it's doing to you. Habitually, he returns to the same house with the "sure thing" of a wife. That's something he can live with because the pleasure of his actions outweigh the consequence. I believe if it was the other way around, he'd whistle a different tune and I know this because your brief description of him ensures me he's obviously an opportunist and makes decisions based on how well it serves his own self.

You, on the other hand, have chosen to accept this glaring deficiency by accepting an apology you KNOW is empty and a promise of change you KNOW is not coming. And you do this with the notion that life will be difficult without him, with a reality that life is difficult now. Believe me when I tell you this one thing if nothing else - what is depressing and unhappy to the mother is depressing and unhappy to the child. That's just the way it is.

I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe it is a sacrament. However, I don't believe all marriages are performed under the veil of that promise and I believe under the grounds of all that is Biblical and morally sound, you have every reason to leave this man cold. I would encourage you to do this. If you choose to work it out, know that this will be a long hard row to hoe for you and your children and must begin with an ultimatum of the strongest kind with your husband.
 
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CornerstoneChic

Guest
#3
#3
Wow Natasha just wow....
My heart goes out to you girl it truly does.
There is a couple of ways to look at this.
1) You say you stay in the relationship for the kids but is it really healthier for the kids to have him there? Kids learn a lot of things by example. What would this relationship be teaching them? Is it good for the kids mentally/emotionally to see their parents fighting all the time?
2) Obviously this isn't healthy for you mentally/emotionally either but what about the health risks to yourself. With him sleeping around with multiple partners he could possibly pick something up and pass it along to you. That would be a scary thought for me.
I agree with kenthomas27 you have biblical grounds for divorce and if I were you I'd leave him. If its been going on this long its obvious he isn't going to change, at least not at the moment. Who knows if you leave it might wake him up. If you do leave him I wouldn't even think about reconciliation until he showed some God-fearing change in his life.
Don't be afraid to leave him because you'll be on you own as a single parent. You wont be alone...God will be there with you and I am sure you have will have friends and family there to support you as well.
I'll be praying for you...
 
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hannahbeth1124

Guest
#4
#4
As the child of an earthly father who chose women and drugs over his wife and family, I can tell you that my mother stayed much longer than she should have. She felt she was doing the right thing for us financially and wanted us to have a father figure. But the fact is, children learn much about how to love from their parents, and they see more than you think.

Natasha, Daughter of the Most High God... He has plans for you and your beautiful children to prosper. This relationship seems one sided. It sounds like your husband doesn't uphold what the bible tells us about love. You Father loves you. And cherishes you so much that he'd rather send his son to die than be without you. I believe He will honor your decision if you do what is right for both you AND your daughter. ANd despite what your husband may have you believing, your prosperity is not only unaffected by his presence, but seems to be squelched by it. Know that you are not alone. Know that God is with you.. And He will make a way where your head, your heart, and the world says there is none. If you need to talk, or need support from a sister in Christ, please inbox me. I will hold you, your children, and even your husband in prayer. Be strong. You're not alone. <3
 
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hannahbeth1124

Guest
#5
#5
your* Father. Excuse me. :)

hannahbeth1124 said:
As the child of an earthly father who chose women and drugs over his wife and family, I can tell you that my mother stayed much longer than she should have. She felt she was doing the right thing for us financially and wanted us to have a father figure. But the fact is, children learn much about how to love from their parents, and they see more than you think.

Natasha, Daughter of the Most High God... He has plans for you and your beautiful children to prosper. This relationship seems one sided. It sounds like your husband doesn't uphold what the bible tells us about love. You Father loves you. And cherishes you so much that he'd rather send his son to die than be without you. I believe He will honor your decision if you do what is right for both you AND your daughter. ANd despite what your husband may have you believing, your prosperity is not only unaffected by his presence, but seems to be squelched by it. Know that you are not alone. Know that God is with you.. And He will make a way where your head, your heart, and the world says there is none. If you need to talk, or need support from a sister in Christ, please inbox me. I will hold you, your children, and even your husband in prayer. Be strong. You're not alone. <3
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#6
#6
I don't believe you are doing anyone a service by remaining with this man. His apologies sound one dimensional. Please do not assume that you should endure his lascivious tendencies for the sake of the family! That is a common but somewhat backwards rationale. hannahbeth made a good point on how much children perceive from their parents and the overall family dynamic.

I sincerely hope things improve for both you and your family, Nastasha.
 
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soccermom19

Guest
#7
#7
Natasha, I feel for you. I also have children and an unfaithful husband.

You need to separate from your husband. Kick him out of your home and don't let him come back. Do not teach your children that adultery is okay. Don't let your husband use you. He will never stop if you allow him to keep coming back to you. You won't have to go through his phone if he isn't there. Be strong.

I forgave my husband the first time. I told our kids that we should forgive and we moved on. Just as we got comfortable again, he cheated again. This time I asked him to leave. It was very hard, it still is. But, I didn't want our 15 and 13 year old daughters to think they should put up with cheaters. I didn't want my 12 year old son to think it was okay to cheat.

God will provide for you. He will give you a way to take care of your children. Have faith in all things.

God Bless, I will keep you in my prayers!
 
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Brokenhearted28

Guest
#8
#8
I'm sorry to hear this sis. I pray things get better for you. There is one thing that bothers me about your statement, you said you have accepted that he cheats. Thats not good! Cheating is wrong you can forgive it but you should not have to accept that he does it. You must require him to change. Jesus forgives us but in order to make it to heaven we too much change, and put away our sin. Saying I'm sorry is not the same as repenting. Repenting means to turn from that sin. After saying I'm sorry then you should repent (turn) I have a question though. You said life is difficult without him. What makes it "difficult"? Please elaborate on this for me
 
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