Need an outside outlook on a struggle of mines...

[Rebecca2188]

Hello All my Brothers and Sisters in Christ! My name is Becky. I've had this struggle for 37 years now. And every time I try to tell myself I'm going to stop. I find myself running around the same bush over and over again. It's hard to admit I'm weak in certain areas, because I'm always known as the strong person in my family. Every time I tried to allow people to get to know me outside of my Spiritual beliefs and wisdom. It's seems to cause a reaction of separation. I take it so hard that I isolated myself from everyone...Because I have the gift of encouragement which only Jesus can provide through me. They paint a picture of me in their own minds of who I am before really getting to know me. The Holy Spirit living inside me is perfect, but I'm not. So what they are really drawn to is the Jesus in me....not the "Human Becky"....Who has her own personality, struggles, style, taste, humor. ..etc. What hurts the most is when I show that side of me it's like they no longer speak to me. They made me feel as though they genuinely cared for me. But, the more I revealed who I am outside of Jesus...I got rejected everytime. Which has caused me to be fearful of expressing who Becky is to anyone....Because so many made me feel so worthless with each rejection. As long as I'm speaking scriptures and spiritual encouraging words of wisdom to them, I'm good enough to speak too...But, outside side of that...they leave me out in the cold as if I don't matter. I'm not trying to compete with Jesus...I'm just tired of having to hide the real side of me too get people to friend me or want to even speak to me...

If anyone can give me their insight I'm open to read it....Maybe theirs something I'm missing...

 

[Deluge]

It sounds like you are making too clear a distinction between "Human Becky" and "Jesus Becky", when really they should be the same. There is a difference between acting like Christ and becoming like Christ. It's often easier for us to act like Christ because it means we don't have to really change. But the disadvantage is that we have to turn on and off Jesus mode all the time, creating two different personalities we take on. "It's hard to admit I'm weak in certain areas, because I'm always known as the strong person in my family." Makes me think that you may be doing this. The problem is that we often hold onto our sinful traits because we are told "nobody is perfect" and we feel like our sin is part of out humanity, but this is not true. I believe that the gift that Jesus offers is that he will make us - the "Human" us - like himself, if we let him. If we stop holding onto the things that we think make us who we are, he will make us into who we need to be.

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6

 

[Rebecca2188]

Thank you for your insight.

 

[secularhermit]

Are you serious Bekka?

Allow me to smile and write this seems to be a joke (I´m not disrespectful) just trying to be honest.

You said: "The Holy Spirit living inside me is perfect, but I'm not."

God does not need a palace since He owns the universe as "home". If He dwells in you, He also likes to live inside millions He knows best (you´re not particularly gifted, in some spiritual sense).

Don´t use God as an excuse is "the real" you is rejected or, if the "spiritual" you is drawing people near (to finally run away when they meet the "real" you you stubbornly hide)

I´d better know the "human" Beckka, becasue that´s the genuine I´m going to meet, while reading. The "spiritual" one you said you are is NOT you, but an extension of you surrendered to please God, and his purposes.

If you think you are gifted (or not) rejection comes everywhere and, at our age, it can be easily bear and much more when getting 60 or 70. The outter man/woman is bond to decay.

Jesu said: "If they rejected me, the would reject you. If they persecuted me..." I won´t be invited to go out to eat pizzas (unless you are willing to pay for me)

Ha! Ha! The last part is a joke.

Welcome home. CC is a "coin" showing both sides: Rejection and fellowship. That´s up to you where you are bound.

 

[JonahLynx]

There is such a thing as being "too" religious. As long as your personality isn't focused on something sinful, there is nothing wrong with being yourself - you are after all God's creation. As Christians we do deal with a sort of "two-person-in-one" dichotomy, but this is with regards to sin and righteousness:

So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. (Rom. 7)

So called Christians who refuse to engage with their brother/sister as a person have missed Jesus's message of love and compassion.

 

[Ugly]

Hello All my Brothers and Sisters in Christ! My name is Becky. I've had this struggle for 37 years now. And every time I try to tell myself I'm going to stop. I find myself running around the same bush over and over again. It's hard to admit I'm weak in certain areas, because I'm always known as the strong person in my family. Every time I tried to allow people to get to know me outside of my Spiritual beliefs and wisdom. It's seems to cause a reaction of separation. I take it so hard that I isolated myself from everyone...Because I have the gift of encouragement which only Jesus can provide through me. They paint a picture of me in their own minds of who I am before really getting to know me. The Holy Spirit living inside me is perfect, but I'm not. So what they are really drawn to is the Jesus in me....not the "Human Becky"....Who has her own personality, struggles, style, taste, humor. ..etc. What hurts the most is when I show that side of me it's like they no longer speak to me. They made me feel as though they genuinely cared for me. But, the more I revealed who I am outside of Jesus...I got rejected everytime. Which has caused me to be fearful of expressing who Becky is to anyone....Because so many made me feel so worthless with each rejection. As long as I'm speaking scriptures and spiritual encouraging words of wisdom to them, I'm good enough to speak too...But, outside side of that...they leave me out in the cold as if I don't matter. I'm not trying to compete with Jesus...I'm just tired of having to hide the real side of me too get people to friend me or want to even speak to me...

If anyone can give me their insight I'm open to read it....Maybe theirs something I'm missing...

Sounds as though you probably didn't know them long enough to know if they truly cared or not.

As a person who gives advice and help often one thing i have realized is that many people (including Christians) are eager to seek help, but reluctant to give it. Perhaps it has less to do with 'seeing your flaws' than it is that they realize your time of 'giving without getting' is up and now they might have to give something. So they run. It's a matter of selfishness, really.

And there probably are some who are judgmental as well.

Sometimes, when i try to help others i get rejected also, for various reasons. As a result i want to isolate myself. I am an introvert and have been in situations that have caused me to have to be alone a lot anyways, so it's not difficult for me. But the key to remember is that if you want to help others that is a selfless act. And you open yourself up to be rejected, that's part of the risk. So you have to ask yourself if the risk is worth the reward. Because sometimes you find people are really great and become good friends as well.

Feel free to message me if you're looking to make friends. Chances are i've been friends with people who have done much worse than anything you have, so not likely to be rejected for those reasons =P