Scared and confused

[Willstick]

To give you a picture, I'm a 15 year old guy, freshman in highschool. My father is very Christian and my mother is pretty spiritual too. The thing is the past few years I've only felt attraction towards guys, not guys my age but guys about 30-40. All of my friends always comment on how hot a girl is and I want to fee that so bad but I don't feel it. I absolutely hate myself for this and I feel like God hates me and Ill go to hell. I even have lots of times where I doubt God and I feel like I've never really been able to fully accept Jesus as my lord and savior. I don't think the gay life is right and it obviously wouldn't be right for a 15 year old guy to be with a middle aged man but I don't feel the attraction towards girls. I'm just so confused and I don't want to dissapoint God and my parents.

 

[beeskillet]

[h=1]Romans 8:38-39New International Version (NIV)[/h]38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a]neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
[h=4]Footnotes: God will not judge you no matter what you are. You are what you are and your faith is what you believe in.[/h]Matthew 9:29
“According to your faith, be it unto you.”

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

To give you a picture, I'm a 15 year old guy, freshman in highschool. My father is very Christian and my mother is pretty spiritual too. The thing is the past few years I've only felt attraction towards guys, not guys my age but guys about 30-40. All of my friends always comment on how hot a girl is and I want to fee that so bad but I don't feel it. I absolutely hate myself for this and I feel like God hates me and Ill go to hell. I even have lots of times where I doubt God and I feel like I've never really been able to fully accept Jesus as my lord and savior. I don't think the gay life is right and it obviously wouldn't be right for a 15 year old guy to be with a middle aged man but I don't feel the attraction towards girls. I'm just so confused and I don't want to dissapoint God and my parents.

I can tell you that God most definitely does NOT hate you--the enemy Satan wants you to believe that. God LOVES and ADORES you; He has a big heart for you.

I have been where you are. Let me tell you something: the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Satan wants to steal the destiny that God has planned for you. God has every day of your life on His scroll in Heaven. And Satan wants that. Satan wants you because you are good, because you are GOD'S.

I was lying in my bed one night a little over a month ago, and I was crying and worrying that night. I remembered an instance where I was walking with some Church friends, and they were talking about the spiritual gifts they believed that they had been given by the Lord. Back then, I had no idea what any of my spiritual gifts were; I didn't think I had any, and I didn't get how they just knew what theirs were. But it didn't hit me too hard until that night in my room. I was weeping and worried about not knowing what my spiritual gifts were, and wondering if Jesus would even be proud of me. That same night, I encountered Jesus in a dream, and I ran to Him and cried out, "Jesus! Jesus!" And He turned around and I exclaimed with such joy, "I love you!" And He told me that He loved me too. And I was like, "Me?!" with genuine honor and shock. I had known in my mind that Jesus loved me, but hearing Him say it to me just spoke to my heart. And get this: He never condemned me for ever liking a girl. It was His heart for me that changed me, or should I say, made me really become myself.

If you could see yourself the way that God sees you, your heart would swell. The enemy targets God's children the moment we are born into this world, entering our lives at our weakest moments. However, we as God's children have dominion over all evil in this world. Anything you want to be gone from your spirit, you by your own word and an act of your will can loose it from your spirit. Anything. Any hate, self-doubt, abuse, fear, lust, same-sex attraction, any images that have tainted or troubled you, addictions, anything. I invite you to watch this clip from GodTV, with Kat Kerr (I recommend listening to her on any given day. She has been to Heaven many times and can teach you how to declare and decree over your own life) which goes directly into same-sex attraction: http://youtu.be/-NxhAxGrG4E?t=41m55s She delivers no judgment but only compassion, which is how all Christians should be towards those whose lives the enemy has entered in any way. You can rid it from your life. Know that God is Love and God is PERFECT Love, never hate. God bless you.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

So you don't fully accept Jesus and you don't fully accept who you are. Is that about right? (That's a sincere ─ not a rhetorical ─ question, just for clarification.)

That's definitely a difficult place to be in, Willstick. A lot of people end up frustrated and confused out of similar circumstances to yours. If your parents are true to form with Christ's example, they will not reject you over this. One of the worst things you can do to yourself is to place your identity and self worth in others' expectations. If your parents receive your confession over these feelings with any kind of disdain, please don't suspect that God is doing the same thing.

I hope that you can find the love and kindness that would build you up more than the prejudice and rejection that, honestly, you're likely to find, especially among Christians. Hang in there buddy, and may God bless you.

 

[hannahbeth1124]

Brother, God could never hate you. Your sin is no different from any other sin. And He sent His son to forgive you and every other person on earth for their sin. These feelings you're having don't define who you are, and they can never separate you from His love. The best advice I can offer is to find someone (either in your church or even here) who is your gender, who you can talk to freely and in private, and begin to seek counsel for how to handle those feelings. He hasn't given up on you. And I applaud your bravery in admitting this so publicly. If you ever need someone to talk to, or have questions, I know someone who has a bit of experience dealing with things like this. I'd be happy to have him contact you, if you felt comfortable with that. I will be praying strength for you in this difficult situation. Just know that you're never alone, and that no matter what you're feeling right now, He loves you. He can help you.

 

[Elijah19]

To start with, I feel proud of you for being honest with God and others about your problem and seeking a way to fix it. That's the first step. To begin, you should definitely pray about it and ask God's help first.

Secondly, I would actually like to ask you how you came to struggle with homosexual desires, because that might be the root of the problem. Were you, say, (forgive my bluntness) ever "abused" by anyone? Sometimes that will affect psychology in a negative way and tend to make someone turn to Sodomy.