Engaged to a non christian

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C

C-Dawn

Guest
#1
I am very confused about lots of things in life right now. I have been very off and on with my faith since I was a child. My parents aren't Christians so the only exposure to Christianity I got was from my grandparents. I love God and am learning about Jesus and the bible. I started dating a guy a couple years ago and we fell in love quite fast. Fast forward two years and we are now engaged. I have heard some people say you shouldn't marry a non believer and I kind of understand why. But my fiance said he is willing to go to church and learn about God. What would you do?
 

Pres19

Senior Member
Nov 27, 2013
779
22
18
29
#2
Personally, I believe anyone who says "I'm willing to go to church for you" will never truly love God for the right reasons. But, if he is serious about learning who God is and having a relationship with the Lord then hold off on your engagement until he shows he is ready. A believer and a non believer may be in love at first but over time the believers faith will come between them. Or the non believers lack of faith will cause problems.
Take it from someone who has been there. Hold off until y'all have a good relationship with God before you take it any further.
Make sure he is seeking the Lord for his self and not just because he doesn't want to lose you.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
Willing to go to church. What does that prove? That proves he's willing to go to church, but that isn't a relationship with God, that's going and sitting in a building. Maybe it could possibly lean to something, but it may not. There may be a few stories of Christians marrying non-Christians working out, but from what i hear the majority end poorly. Typically because the non-Christian spouse changes from accepting to against.
And if you yourself are not consistent in your faith, what is he to learn from you as well?

Things i always encourage people considering marrying non-Christians to ask themselves.
-If you have kids and your husband never gets saved, how will you explain to your children that a) their father is going to hell b) that this is the person you chose to be their father?
-What happens if he becomes indifferent or against your faith after marriage?
-How will you raise your kids when it comes to religion?
-If he supports your choice to raise them as Christians but he isn't one himself and (as is usually the case) doesn't hide it how will you explain to your children why you married a man that is not a Christian? What kind of value does that place on what you believe in the eyes of your children?
-If your husband dies, even if it's 30 years from now, and never gets saved, how will you feel knowing you chose to spend your life with someone that was bound for hell? How will you cope with that, on top of the loss of your husband?

I think you can see where i'm going with this and realize there are more questions to be asked.

Also, men are to be the spiritual head of the household. How can you have a Godly marriage with someone who is not Godly? How can he be the spiritual head of the family if he is not a believer and not saved?
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#4
C-Dawn, it's just a hot mess waitin' to happen.

truthfully, i think it best to get your own relationship with the Lord on a good footing.
and wait (yeah...wait is hard, and it hurts) for the right man.
you won't regret it...but marrying a non-believer you will regret, and for your whole life.
 
C

C-Dawn

Guest
#5
Thanks everyone! I really appreciate everyone's opinions and replies. We don't have a wedding date set and I agree that we should wait before we get married to see if we can have a Godly marriage. I know you shouldn't want to change anyone or expect them to change. I know God will help me to make the right decisions. Thanks so much!
 
J

josedoe

Guest
#6
Ecclesiastes 7:26-29 KJV
[26] And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her. [27] Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: [28] Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found. [29] Lo, this only have I found, that God hath made man upright; but they have sought out many inventions.
sister,
solomon asked " a virtuous woman who can find?" in proverbs31
the scripture above solomon admits he had not found
and we know solomon had like 700 wifes/ concubines


lastly
"for her price is far above
rubies" psalm 31
 

TheAristocat

Senior Member
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#7
I am very confused about lots of things in life right now. I have been very off and on with my faith since I was a child. My parents aren't Christians so the only exposure to Christianity I got was from my grandparents. I love God and am learning about Jesus and the bible. I started dating a guy a couple years ago and we fell in love quite fast. Fast forward two years and we are now engaged. I have heard some people say you shouldn't marry a non believer and I kind of understand why. But my fiance said he is willing to go to church and learn about God. What would you do?
People can change very quickly. People are fickle. That's why Christians are never encouraged to divorce, because there is always hope if they remain true to God. And that's why a relationship with someone who relies on their own strength (like an atheist) is not a relationship built on firm ground. I've heard that at least in America 50% of first marriages end in divorce. With those odds you'll want God on your side.

I don't know how old you are. But trust me when I say that people are not the ones you should be in love with. Sure, you should love them. But if you're a Christian, then Christ is your true love. Secular society has glorified humanity so much that it's hard to understand how low people can sink, how fickle and ridiculous they can really be. They can love you one moment and think of you as extra baggage the next. Just realize that of those 50% of marriages that ended in divorce, every one of those couples undoubtedly thought they were in love and made for each other. People are nuts. Trust in God. And don't worry about hurting feelings if necessary. You may regret not "hurting someone's feelings" sooner.

Sorry if that seemed pessimistic. It's just fair warning. Marriage is serious. And you are an ambassador of Christ. You bear his name - Christian.
 
M

mentor2mentor

Guest
#8
Run!!! Men say whatever they have to say to get what they want. It's like hunting. Here's the crazy thing, he probably doesn't mean you any harm but will end up causing you a lot of it. Sex is a marriage act and it bonds. Doesn't matter if you get the paper that says you are married or not. Not having the paper makes it easier to walk away but it will still hurt and maybe as badly as divorce. Ma'am. Please go stronger in Christ for yourself. He is more in control of your life than Jesus is. He's your God more so than Jesus. Grow in God for yourself. Get consistent yourself. If you don't, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
 
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chongjasmine

Guest
#9
It is best to hold off your marriage, as he is a non believer.
My aunt married a non believer, and she suffers for it.
Today, her children are both non believers as well, and they cause her much grief.
 
Dec 31, 2014
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#10
This video puts it perfectly

[video=youtube;rl8U4G4Tp3M]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl8U4G4Tp3M[/video]
 

levi85

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2013
8,578
2,180
113
#11
pray to the Lord and go ahead with faith upon the Lord . He controls everything.
 
Jan 20, 2015
456
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#12
I am very confused about lots of things in life right now. I have been very off and on with my faith since I was a child. My parents aren't Christians so the only exposure to Christianity I got was from my grandparents. I love God and am learning about Jesus and the bible. I started dating a guy a couple years ago and we fell in love quite fast. Fast forward two years and we are now engaged. I have heard some people say you shouldn't marry a non believer and I kind of understand why. But my fiance said he is willing to go to church and learn about God. What would you do?
I would not ask christians "what would you do?"