Is it normal to be almost 20 and have never had a girlfriend?

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OrangetheFruit

Guest
#1
#1
Like the title says. Not to toot my own horn, but I am not an ugly or out of shape person, the complete opposite actually. I have moved around a bunch and never made any lasting friends (5 different high schools in multiple states) and I am a introverted person. I'm currently going to college for computer science/programming which is a very male dominated field of work so I never meet girls at school. And my church is very small, less than 35 people, and im the second youngest person attending so there's no girls there either (I honestly want a relationship with a Christian woman). It does kinda make me feel like a loser at times seeing all my friends with girlfriends and me keeping to myself I've never had one.

Besides asking if this is normal, should I just wait until after college to start looking for a girlfriend/wife? Should I just remain abstinent as I've been for the past 3 years?

Also, as an FYI, I do not have any parents/parentals, or family, and have been living on my own for years. Could these feelings be codependency or just my teenage, "urges?" I feel like having a girlfriend/wife kills two birds with one stone - friendship (the most important), and sex.
 
kodiak

kodiak

Senior Member
#2
Mar 8, 2015
4,995
290
83
#2
I do not know about normal, but I am 20 and never had a girlfriend. I am also introverted, but I do not care if I am normal. You are not a loser for never having one. My advice is do not rush into a relationship just to have a relationship. If you need someone to talk to about this, you can always send me a message.
 
JonahLynx

JonahLynx

Senior Member
#3
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
30
48
#3
No, it isn't "normal" but there is also nothing wrong with it. Continue to improve upon yourself and focus on your own growth so that if/when a relationship does come your way, you won't be an immature child as most people in our world. Without sounding too "religious" or "spiritual," honestly the best advice I could give you is to spend more time with the Lord developing a godly character. That way, you will ultimately be equipped to be a loving husband/father rather than obsessed with the trivial goal of "having a girlfriend."
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#4
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#4
That´s normal for a holy man who waits on God´s chosen.

Abnormal is an old man of 53 who would wait for a lady of 20 to be married, and Booz got one really young.

:eek:
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#5
#5
I'm detecting traces of insecurity in this quadrant. Be yourself (but grow, also), don't be afraid to approach someone you feel is worth it, and be sure to have lots of swag money. :p

What's "normal," anyhow?
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#6
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#6
There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Point of having a girlfriend isn't to just date them. It's going into the intentions of maybe marrying the person one day. At least, that's what I thing a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship should be like. I don't really think we're supposed to just date and play the field.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#7
#7
I was almost 31 before I had my first girlfriend. So, being 20 and never having a girlfriend, is it normal? Not in our society, but since when should society dictate our lives? As others have mentioned here, grow in God, enjoy your friends and just be who God created you to be. Hopefully in time you'll meet someone and be the man she needs.
 
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Fubario

Guest
#8
#8
I forsee your future to have many great possibilities that will require your great attention and diligence in order to be able to open up the doors and attain a higher supranational identity within the cosmos as the universe folds according to the mathematical quantic patterns of Jesus.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#9
#9
Fubario said:
I forsee your future to have many great possibilities that will require your great attention and diligence in order to be able to open up the doors and attain a higher supranational identity within the cosmos as the universe folds according to the mathematical quantic patterns of Jesus.
Click to expand...
Please take your Cosmic Christ bull elsewhere. Thanks.
 
vens

vens

Member
#11
Jul 13, 2013
44
0
6
#11
OrangetheFruit said:
Like the title says. Not to toot my own horn, but I am not an ugly or out of shape person, the complete opposite actually. I have moved around a bunch and never made any lasting friends (5 different high schools in multiple states) and I am a introverted person. I'm currently going to college for computer science/programming which is a very male dominated field of work so I never meet girls at school. And my church is very small, less than 35 people, and im the second youngest person attending so there's no girls there either (I honestly want a relationship with a Christian woman). It does kinda make me feel like a loser at times seeing all my friends with girlfriends and me keeping to myself I've never had one.

Besides asking if this is normal, should I just wait until after college to start looking for a girlfriend/wife? Should I just remain abstinent as I've been for the past 3 years?

Also, as an FYI, I do not have any parents/parentals, or family, and have been living on my own for years. Could these feelings be codependency or just my teenage, "urges?" I feel like having a girlfriend/wife kills two birds with one stone - friendship (the most important), and sex.
Click to expand...
I think if it wasn't normal then quite a large proportion of us are abnormal... I've never had a relationship which wasn't online and I'll turn 20 in August... If you're keen on meeting someone at church then you could consider going to a different church from time to time, I know a couple who changed their church because there were no males around their daughters' ages in our church.
 
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firstaider_2010

Guest
#12
#12
Hi
My son is nearly 28 but doesn't have a girlfriend. He has friends though
Don't worry, when the time is right, the Lord will put someone in your life.
Best wishes
firstaider
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#13
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#13
Okay...so using the word "normal" predisposes the idea that you're within the "norm".

So, no, it's not "normal."

However, there's nothing wrong with it. If you consider, an awful lot of people in high school "date" simply because their peers are doing so. They don't want to be the "outlier," but they don't really have any long-term intentions. They're being peer-led and experimental.

Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with dating for the sake of dating so long as both people are on the same page. It sounds to me like your mindset is more "long-term" oriented. I get the sense that you want to be intentional in making a connection with a woman.

The desire to connect in a deep and romantic way with someone else is NOT codependency. It is a natural desire. We are wired for connection.

Really, there's no inherently "bad" decision to be made here. If you decided to seek out someone now with an eye toward marriage, it would take time and energy. You'd have to allow for that with the demands of schooling, work, etc. You'd also have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone because it seems like you're unlikely to meet someone in the circles you currently frequent. Do you have the time, energy, and willingness to do this?

If you decide to wait until you're done with school, that will take emotional energy and sublimation of your libido. You'd also probably want to invest some time in developing one or two friendships. These could help satisfy your need for connection while you wait on a romantic relationship. Do you have the patience and willingness to do this?

In either case, I'd be prayerful about it. Both sides of this issue will require you to dive a bit into vulnerability. That can seem uncomfortable. Plus, God is sure to give you insight if you ask for it.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#14
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#14
Before dating he has chances to know and make friends. Within them any would invite him to go out, particularly if he remains clean and pure. Mean while he has the chance to study, work and save money for the time when it be needed: dating and uttterly marriage.
 
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Sparkle1630

Guest
#15
#15
It is so much better to wait for the one God has planned for you than waste your time with relationships that may not last, or help you walk with the Lord. Saves a lot of heartache. Just wait on God, and He'll do the rest. But dont worry if youve never had a girlfriend, you're saving all your love for the one God has for ya! Trust me if i knew the relationships i've been in weren't going to last, i wouldn't have gotten in them! So just seek the Lord on this issue! But dont think of yourself as being a loser or anything less than what Jesus thinks of you! :)
 
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shellby

Guest
#16
#16
sometimes god works in mysterious ways. I am 18 and I just now started dating because of things that happened in my past. Just because you don't have a girlfriend don't mean you're not normal you're not attractive its just cause I'm God not ready for you to start a relationship. I would focus on college before I start a family because you do need money to support a family. don't be too hard on yourself
 
J

jb

Senior Member
#17
Feb 27, 2010
4,940
588
113
#17
Is it normal to be almost 20 and have never had a girlfriend?
Click to expand...
What is "normal" for one person is not always "normal" for another as everybody is different and an individual!
 
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ray_james

Guest
#18
#18
I am nineteen and I have never had a girlfriend, but I do consider myself normal!
I feel as though our society today has pushed people to feel like they have to have some one or something to fit in and be 'normal'
-ray
 
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