Marriage Troubles

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J

jn4mw

Guest
#1
#1
Hi, I have been having problems in my marriage for over a year now. I was a very strong christian until I met my husband I started paying more attention to him than to God and slowly my life turned away from Him I have been working to get that relationship with God back. I also married my husband very quickly and I feel that in ways I was misguided in his beliefs. He told me he was a christian we had discussions about God, but after we were married these conversations stopped and we don't go to church. I acknowledge that this is as much my fault as his, I rationalize it because I am shy and don't like to go places alone. My husband likes to watch porn and he wants us to watch it together I feel that it is a sin he doesn't which to me is crazy because the bible is very clear. I also feel that he has in no way been a leader for me in my faith if anything it is me trying to lead him. The other day he told me he thinks he should be able to tell me if he finds other girls to be hot. I told him I disagreed that I don't see any benefit to him doing that. He acts as if I am too sensitive and take everything too personally. I have been miserable lately. I feel like I can't leave him since I made a commitment, and I have been trying maybe not my best continuously but I have been trying for at least a year now. There is a part of me that wants to just run away I don't want to hurt him or to fail God but I don't want to be miserable my entire life either. I have decided to continue trying for a while and then see if things change. I am not saying that this is all his fault I have definitely contributed to the problems as well. He is a good guy in many ways but I am just not sure that he is the right guy for me. I don't really know how to proceed. Any advice would be very welcome. Thank you.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
Put it straight to him. Tell him you are NOT going to watch porn with him, and tell him he NEEDS to stop watching it as well. Tell him it's immoral and against God's word. Tell him he has a problem with porn and needs counseling for it. God allows divorce ONLY in cases of infidelity, and since he's watching naked women, I'd say that applies here. Tell him he needs to prove to you he can stop, or you'll divorce him and leave..
 
J

jn4mw

Guest
#3
#3
I guess I never considered watching porn as infidelity..but that actually makes a lot of sense. I feel like with him the only thing that matters is sex. He says he loves me and I am not really sure what I believe. In ways I think he truly loves me but in other ways it seems that he is attracted to me and just wants sex. It makes me feel very sad because I think there is a lot more about me to like than my appearances. I have had way to many experiences with people using me because of looks and it hurts, and it hurts a lot coming from him. I am so conflicted though, because I am very guarded and maybe I am just pushing him away because I am scared to be hurt.
 
J

jn4mw

Guest
#4
#4
Also Matthew 5:32 "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
Does this mean that if we were to divorce that getting remarried would be a sin?
 
D

Deliver

Guest
#5
#5
I think you need to concentrate on your relationship with God more.
You can NEVER go wrong by putting God first. In fact, you will find God working in miraculous ways for you, but you need to learn to go to Him first... He is our Father, and the one who loves us the most... And He wants us to form and maintain a close, loving relationship with Him.
At the moment, you are too focused on your husband and whether you made the right choice, and all the pain he is putting you through. You need to refocus your energy.
Lean on God, He said to give Him your burdens. You will eventually find that all the pain and worry goes away and you get peace like you've never had before. Peace about everything. Do you know what it's like to not worry about ALL the hurt people can put you through? Don't you want that? Don't you want to be able to handle things?
Theres only one way to get it.
And once you put God first, you will see changes.
I think you love your husband, and if he made changes, you would be happy and happily married to him.
You need to go to God.
 
J

jn4mw

Guest
#6
#6
Thank you Deliver, that is what I am trying to do, and I really appreciate your encouragement in that.
 
levi85

levi85

Senior Member
#7
Jul 2, 2013
8,578
2,180
113
#7
Keep following Christ according to his will and gudance. God bless!
 
A

agirlandherguitar

Guest
#8
#8
It's always upsetting when somebody claims to be a Christian then acts completely non Christian... especially if that person is the one you married! Misleading? You bet!

Us as women... we tend to make pretty poor choices when it comes to men. We fall for somebody because they claim to love us and give us attention and security etc, but we ignore the giant red flags and think our love can change them, or if he's married to me, a good Christian, then he'll see that light in me and want the same thing! Well, not always.

As you said, you married him pretty quick so I'm guessing you didn't know about his love for porn and uncontrollable appetite for sex before? Yes, men love sex (so do us ladies), but when he brings porn into a marriage? And then tries to convince you that it's okay to look at other women and find them hot and you're crazy for not agreeing with him? That's a straight up manipulator! Shame on him.

Regardless, you are married to this man. God hates divorce, yes, but the verse you posted from Matthew has "EXCEPT for sexual immorality", which means if you divorced for anything but it would be a great sin to break your marriage. In the realm of adultery you have a right to leave him without being viewed as a sinner. I'm not telling you to divorce your husband, but know that you have a legit reason to if he doesn't change his ways. God can transcend all living things and make change happen, so there is hope. You are young and your marriage is fresh. You can seek counselling (Christian counselling!) and be firm in this matter. You married doesn't have to end, but this needs to be addressed pronto! Continue to pray for your husband, find a church, try to get him to come with you (always warmly invite him) and be surrounded by a great Christian support system. Take it a step at a time, and don't be afraid anymore. No matter what happens Christ will be with you wherever you go.
 
F

frankly

Guest
#9
#9
i need help also. very embarrassed. i was never told about...umm...birds and bees.
 
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