I need advice

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polarcat

Guest
#1
#1
I don't usually write in the forum but i really need advice right now.
see my sister is getting married in april and even before her engagement she'd been changing but since she got engaged it seems like she doesn't care about anyones feelings and only what she wants. she's really hurting my mom by not letting or including her in the wedding plans and if she does it's just to give her orders and what she needs to pay for. it's really hurting my mom and she's tried to gently bring it up to my sister but my sister just got upset and didn't listen to her at all. she's also hurting alot of us around her it's gotten to the point that the only reason we still talk to her is because she's family otherwise we'd have stopped. she's not talking to us also unless it's just to give us a job or to tell us when we need to meet her about something. she's also breaking promises constantly.

I want to talk to her about how she's treating my mom and the rest of us but my mom keeps saying I shouldn't. it hurts how she's treating me but i really can't stand how she's treating my mom. it really hurts to see how hurt and upset my mom is about all this and i know she's dreamed about these days since us girls were born.

should i talk to her about this even though my mom doesn't want me to? and if so what's the best way to approach it do u think?

thankyou for reading this.
 
seas

seas

Banned
#2
Dec 18, 2009
78
0
0
#2
I know what you have been going through,both of you'l are precious to your mom and your mom doesnt want to hurt her feelings by saying something to her,maybe your sister feels that she could do it all by herself and she doesnt need you'l.she is still your sister and i knw both of you'l want only best things to happen for her,if you'd say something at this point in time it might infuriate her even more..we goto overlook at few things like these.i feel that rather than you talking to your sister your mom should talk to your sister's fiance about this and ask him actively involve both yourself and mom in this marriage without disclosing it to her coz she'l listen to whatever he says..
 
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polarcat

Guest
#3
#3
Actually we've talked to the fiance and he's trying but my sister seems completly oblivious to what's going on. the fiance's mom's also feeling very left out.
 
seas

seas

Banned
#4
Dec 18, 2009
78
0
0
#4
Oh..k..there is an element of insecurity here....she wouldnt want you'l to take the credit for what she has done,it could be due to some incident which had taken place earlier in her life..she needs reassurance..she needs to be told that you'l be there with her no matter what and you'l love her..everything would be fine overtime and give her your genuine heartfelt appreciations even for the smallest thing she does..
 
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navyairwarrior

Guest
#5
#5
Well it sounds like you sister is a selfish spoiled brat. I don't think your mom should pay for anything if she wants to treat her like that. When she has pushed all her loved ones away then she will realize what kind of person she really is. I feel sorry for the guy that is going to marry her.
 
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Curtis295

Guest
#6
#6
polarcat said:
Actually we've talked to the fiance and he's trying but my sister seems completly oblivious to what's going on. the fiance's mom's also feeling very left out.
Click to expand...
Well it sounds like the fiance isn't the root of the problem as you have discussed this with him and he seems to agree, I was going to ask if it was him that could be causing it. But it sounds like your sister is unsure maybe about the wedding, or maybe somthing the family did to upset her. I am not sure if you mentioned this or not, but is your sister a christian?

Maybe what she needs is the family praying for her, and that god will take hold of her through times of uncertainty, I know that big events in life such as weddings, graduations, new births, etc, are times of uncertainty in peoples lives; although I am not condoning her attitude, just saying thats what it could be..

Anyways just though I would give some feedback on this, I am not good at advice, but hope this some what was enligtening.
 
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Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#7
#7
I have delt with a lot of brides in my time and there can be a lot of reasons why a woman turns into a nightmare planning her wedding. You're not being very specific as to how/why she's hurting your family. She could be very controlling because she feels that your mom would superimpose on her plans, or be cheap, or mess up something she's wanted for so long. She could be stressed out about money or scared to get married at all. She could be busy with her job and the wedding so she doesn't have time to meet with your family. She could be oblivious and mean because its overwhelming and she's ashamed to let anyone know. Like I said, so many factors.

Only you know your sister though. Go talk to her with a tender giving heart because this is very special to her. Maybe she'll tell you something you didn't know which is effecting her behavior. Its very very very common for a woman before a wedding to be bossy (even the nicest women!) And coming from a wedding photographer you can take this advice to the bank.
 
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