Troubled

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Moonlight15

Guest
#1
#1
So I need advice and encouragement. My baby's father introduced me to Apostolic Pentecostal and I recently got baptized like a two months ago and I've been serving and worshiping God and I love it . He stopped being in my life for about 7 months and then God put him back in my life, but Me and him have both struggled with our desire for each other with me still having strong feelings for each other, and we've made mistakes. He often would go back and forth stating that he could be with me or his ex who also attends or church but he wasn't interested in dating that if me or her tried to be with him we would suffer, because of the ministry he's pursuing. As of recent though he's made it clear that he will never want to be with me or ever be in love with me. I feel very hurt because I gave him myself and he told me he loved me. Now he's starting his relationship again with his ex girlfriend and the pastor told me that he shouldn't give rides to church and that I should find my own way but their church is in a different County and I don't own a car. We have church tonight he's taking my daughter to church and the people who I asked to give me a ride don't want to get in between me and him or can't give me a ride. Anyone else I know don't live near me. I feel very abandoned and I've been going through many trials so early on in my walk and I know the church wants him and his gf to get back together and I'm just stuck at the butt end of everything. I'm so hurt by him especially since he's been with me and now no interest is shown and he gives mixed signals about how he wants to still check on me and he still cares but at the same time he can't be around me because his gf doesn't like when we talk. People tell me God will give you someone else but I honestly just wanted us to be together because I did everything I could to show him how much i loved him and cared and I enjoyed worshiping with him and he even told me that he really loved that about me,but at some point my emotions couldn't take him being so confusing with my emotions so I stepped back for a second and now he's with her. So scriptures advice? Btw he's a good dad so nothing about him being a father please just comfort and advice.
 
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JeniBean

Guest
#2
#2
Dear Moonlight,

I am sorry for the heart break and trials you are going through. I understand this is very difficult, however he has made a choice and though it hurts, it is best for you to move on, concentrate on the baby and limit your conversations with him about the precious child you share. I would recommend finding another church who will uplift you and fuel your spirit. A church in which can help you stay on your glorious path in learning God. Please note that loving GOD and being saved doesn't mean that life is pain free and that we do not face trials. However every trial has a lesson that God wants us to learn. His selfishness has caused your emotions to take a roller coaster. I will pray for your heart break to mend, for you to find a loving church who supports you and uplifts you. In the meantime, please open your bible to the following verses and pray. If the prayer is simply to cry out for Jesus, allow the peace to wash over you.

Psalms 55:22
Psalms 24: 4-5
Lamentations 3:22-23
Lamentations 3: 31-32

Many blessings and prayers for your healing and a new church.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#3
#3
Moonlight15 said:
So I need advice and encouragement. My baby's father introduced me to Apostolic Pentecostal and I recently got baptized like a two months ago and I've been serving and worshiping God and I love it . He stopped being in my life for about 7 months and then God put him back in my life, but Me and him have both struggled with our desire for each other with me still having strong feelings for each other, and we've made mistakes. He often would go back and forth stating that he could be with me or his ex who also attends or church but he wasn't interested in dating that if me or her tried to be with him we would suffer, because of the ministry he's pursuing. As of recent though he's made it clear that he will never want to be with me or ever be in love with me. I feel very hurt because I gave him myself and he told me he loved me. Now he's starting his relationship again with his ex girlfriend and the pastor told me that he shouldn't give rides to church and that I should find my own way but their church is in a different County and I don't own a car. We have church tonight he's taking my daughter to church and the people who I asked to give me a ride don't want to get in between me and him or can't give me a ride. Anyone else I know don't live near me. I feel very abandoned and I've been going through many trials so early on in my walk and I know the church wants him and his gf to get back together and I'm just stuck at the butt end of everything. I'm so hurt by him especially since he's been with me and now no interest is shown and he gives mixed signals about how he wants to still check on me and he still cares but at the same time he can't be around me because his gf doesn't like when we talk. People tell me God will give you someone else but I honestly just wanted us to be together because I did everything I could to show him how much i loved him and cared and I enjoyed worshiping with him and he even told me that he really loved that about me,but at some point my emotions couldn't take him being so confusing with my emotions so I stepped back for a second and now he's with her. So scriptures advice? Btw he's a good dad so nothing about him being a father please just comfort and advice.
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I know this is the young adults forum but I think you could use advice from an older person.Im sure others will give you good advice too.Its sort of hard to speak comfort to you in this situation.You put yourself in a bad situation,which you already know,by getting pregnant to a man you were not married to.But that is in the past,nothing can be done.I hate to tell you this,but you are being played by this guy,I cant say man because he's acting like a boy.Let me make a few points from what you are telling me.

He got you pregnant,he still has a girlfriend in the wings.He's playing you both and you should both move on.Dont give him anymore of your time or your heart,he is being unfair to both of you.Next,I have a question...What kind of church is telling this guy he has a ministry?! He has two girlfriends,not married to either and sleeping with both,or did I miss something? He doesn't need a ministry.What he needs is to grow up,sit in church and learn to be a mature Christian man that treats women with respect,not like his toys to play with this one or that one.Any church supporting this guy in ministry is wrong! Trust me,I was in ministry for 20yrs.You cant go running around and acting the fool and expect God is going to bless you.Isn't going to happen.

Now you say the church wants him to get back with his first girlfriend.How that is any of their business is beyond me.He doesnt need to get back with his first girlfriend or you.He needs to mature and apparently there is no one in the church that can help him do that.Because their advice should be for him to break it off with you both and be a father to his child and stay single until he has his life in order.As far as him driving you to church you need to see if you can find someone else to take you.You need to stay away from him and concentrate on your walk with God.The pastor told you not to go with him anymore? Good advice,except for offering you a ride to church.He should pick you up or ask a church member to pick you up.If they want people to attend their church they should offer you a ride.It would be better for you to attend a church where he doesnt go anyway.You need to forget him,he's only going to hurt you.Ive been there,its hard to let go when you think you're in love.I thought I was in love too,but I was wrong.This is not a person that is mature,trustworthy or someone you want to spend your life with.You made a bad decision,now make a better one.Get close to God and he will send you a real man,not this player.Trust me on this.Drop him and dont look back.
 
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Moonlight15

Guest
#4
#4
Yes that's how I felt. I felt like they shouldve offered me an alternative to getting there not just leave me hanging with a good luck. Me and him dated before his current gf and had a baby later he started dating her while I was pregnant with our baby. Neither of the pastors have told me anything either they don't really talk to me or check on me and I'm very confused about that and I don't understand why the pastor or ministers won't come to me. Why am I getting everything through my baby's father. I've been praying and reading the Bible and it offers comfort but sometimes I feel like why doesn't he want me. Why did he sleep with me knowing how I feel and I wonder what I did wrong because all I did was try to love him and, he told me that him being with her is the outcome of being obedient to God. Which really hurts because I feel like why would God do that. Wouldn't he want you to be committed to the person your sleeping with and have a child with. She also has a child with someone else. None of this makes any sense.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#5
#5
Moonlight15 said:
Yes that's how I felt. I felt like they shouldve offered me an alternative to getting there not just leave me hanging with a good luck. Me and him dated before his current gf and had a baby later he started dating her while I was pregnant with our baby. Neither of the pastors have told me anything either they don't really talk to me or check on me and I'm very confused about that and I don't understand why the pastor or ministers won't come to me. Why am I getting everything through my baby's father. I've been praying and reading the Bible and it offers comfort but sometimes I feel like why doesn't he want me. Why did he sleep with me knowing how I feel and I wonder what I did wrong because all I did was try to love him and, he told me that him being with her is the outcome of being obedient to God. Which really hurts because I feel like why would God do that. Wouldn't he want you to be committed to the person your sleeping with and have a child with. She also has a child with someone else. None of this makes any sense.
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Ok,I didnt say anything in my first post but now I feel I have to.You need to be careful of the church you are going to.They have some odd ideas on what is right and wrong.They have some man made rules that God would not agree with.That is why I suggested you find another church.For instance they are treating you like you are in the wrong because you are a woman,and treating him differently because he is a man.You both did wrong according to the Bible.It doesn't mean didnt forgive you when you asked but you both equally did wrong.Sometimes we get ourselves in some real messes.So the pastors will stand behind him simply because he is a man.My brother in law grew up in that church so I know what I am talking about,a very low opinion of women.

You didnt do anything wrong as far as pushing him away.He doesnt want you because he's already had you,sorry to be crass,and now he's had another woman.Clearly he's slept with her too.So as I said the church and pastors are 100% backing this guy or supporting him in ministry.He has issues,he needs to grow up and keep his hands to himself until he learns to respect women.If both of you were smart,I can tell you are,you'd drop kick this ol' boy to the curb.He's a player,plain and simple.

Lastly him saying he's being obedient to God by being with his girlfriend is bull feathers. He got you pregnant,he's a father and if he were a man of honor and of God as he seems to think he is he'd be with the mother of his child.But he is not honorable.God has nothing to do with what this player is trying to do.Have his cake and eat it too.The fact that he is using God to get his way shows how immature and selfish he really is.He's not a man,you dont want him.You made a poor decision but if you continue to follow God he will lead you to a better place.You need to put this guy out of your life as much as possible and definitely out of your heart.And please,please find another church.
 
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JeniBean

Guest
#6
#6
Moonlight15 said:
Yes that's how I felt. I felt like they shouldve offered me an alternative to getting there not just leave me hanging with a good luck. Me and him dated before his current gf and had a baby later he started dating her while I was pregnant with our baby. Neither of the pastors have told me anything either they don't really talk to me or check on me and I'm very confused about that and I don't understand why the pastor or ministers won't come to me. Why am I getting everything through my baby's father. I've been praying and reading the Bible and it offers comfort but sometimes I feel like why doesn't he want me. Why did he sleep with me knowing how I feel and I wonder what I did wrong because all I did was try to love him and, he told me that him being with her is the outcome of being obedient to God. Which really hurts because I feel like why would God do that. Wouldn't he want you to be committed to the person your sleeping with and have a child with. She also has a child with someone else. None of this makes any sense.
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Sadly your ex has been selfish and used you. Though he introduced you to GOD, please find another church with better guidance.
 
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Moonlight15

Guest
#7
#7
kaylagrl said:
Ok,I didnt say anything in my first post but now I feel I have to.You need to be careful of the church you are going to.They have some odd ideas on what is right and wrong.They have some man made rules that God would not agree with.That is why I suggested you find another church.For instance they are treating you like you are in the wrong because you are a woman,and treating him differently because he is a man.You both did wrong according to the Bible.It doesn't mean didnt forgive you when you asked but you both equally did wrong.Sometimes we get ourselves in some real messes.So the pastors will stand behind him simply because he is a man.My brother in law grew up in that church so I know what I am talking about,a very low opinion of women.

You didnt do anything wrong as far as pushing him away.He doesnt want you because he's already had you,sorry to be crass,and now he's had another woman.Clearly he's slept with her too.So as I said the church and pastors are 100% backing this guy or supporting him in ministry.He has issues,he needs to grow up and keep his hands to himself until he learns to respect women.If both of you were smart,I can tell you are,you'd drop kick this ol' boy to the curb.He's a player,plain and simple.

Lastly him saying he's being obedient to God by being with his girlfriend is bull feathers. He got you pregnant,he's a father and if he were a man of honor and of God as he seems to think he is he'd be with the mother of his child.But he is not honorable.God has nothing to do with what this player is trying to do.Have his cake and eat it too.The fact that he is using God to get his way shows how immature and selfish he really is.He's not a man,you dont want him.You made a poor decision but if you continue to follow God he will lead you to a better place.You need to put this guy out of your life as much as possible and definitely out of your heart.And please,please find another church.
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Yes he called me this morning he's upset because I won't talk to him and I've been only talking about the baby. I told him that I'm just really confused and I'm just trying to rely on God and have him tell me what to do. He tells me that he's hurting just as much as me, and that he really cares about me and wants to know how I'm doing. I told him that I didn't understand why pastor won't come to me and tell me what's going on and why he just left me hanging. I actually asked the pastors wife today if anyone could give me a ride to church and she said no she doesn't know anyone who lives near me but to ask Sarah which is his gf name but she also lives no where near me and in a different County and I felt super offended because everyone knows how I feel about him. I just told him that we should just talk about the baby until God tells me otherwise and he said well whenever you decide to start talking to me I probably won't want to and I said I'm not deciding I'm letting God decide. As crazy as it sounds I still love him and care but I don't appreciate what's going on. He also told me that I have to go to the pastor because he's not going to come to me and tell me I have to go to him.
 
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Moonlight15

Guest
#8
#8
He seems like he really wants to get right with God but I can tell only from the outside. I would think God would want him single to focus on him not sleep with me cut me off and be with her and I feel like he did me wrong with that but I guess we will see God work.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#9
#9
Moonlight15 said:
Yes he called me this morning he's upset because I won't talk to him and I've been only talking about the baby. I told him that I'm just really confused and I'm just trying to rely on God and have him tell me what to do. He tells me that he's hurting just as much as me, and that he really cares about me and wants to know how I'm doing. I told him that I didn't understand why pastor won't come to me and tell me what's going on and why he just left me hanging. I actually asked the pastors wife today if anyone could give me a ride to church and she said no she doesn't know anyone who lives near me but to ask Sarah which is his gf name but she also lives no where near me and in a different County and I felt super offended because everyone knows how I feel about him. I just told him that we should just talk about the baby until God tells me otherwise and he said well whenever you decide to start talking to me I probably won't want to and I said I'm not deciding I'm letting God decide. As crazy as it sounds I still love him and care but I don't appreciate what's going on. He also told me that I have to go to the pastor because he's not going to come to me and tell me I have to go to him.
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I know you still love him,he knows you still love him that is why he is playing on your heart strings.He has one foot in each door.If she turns him down you will take him back.He's in a great position.Dont go to the pastor,forget that church.You do not want to be involved in a church that will support a man no matter what sin he commits just because he is a man.This guy is being abusive to you.He is using God as an excuse for his behavior.He has at least two women on a string,do you think you are the only two? Do you think you could honestly trust this guy? God will lead you as soon as you let go of this guy.He is not for you.As I said,I held on to a guy for a full year.I couldnt let go,I wouldnt.I so thought I was in love.Then I found out from his brother that he was dating a woman and living with her!! I was crushed! He had acted like he wanted to become a Christian,I just lost it. A little over a year later I met the MAN I am married to today.The guy I was with married too.All I can say is good luck to his wife.Me? Im married to a MAN,I never worry that he is lying to me,I never worry he is cheating on me,I never worry that he doesn't have my best interests at heart.Thats what a man does.Do you understand that guy is a player,and worse because he's using God as an excuse to cheat on two women? Do you understand you need to let go and let God bring the right man into your life? You think you are in love because you were intimate with him and you have a child.You have to let him go.He doesn't love you.I know that hurts but if he loved you he wouldnt be with the other woman,he would be with you.He would be repenting for his sin and being a father and giving you an engagement ring. He would be preparing to be a husband and father not playing the hearts of two women.And if the church backs him it tells me what kind of church it is. Let go of him,find another church and surround yourself with Christian friends your own age that can encourage you.If you continue on the path with this guy there will only be heartbreak ahead for you.Dont play with boys,look for a man.High school is over.
 
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Moonlight15

Guest
#10
#10
He tells me that he’s hurting just as much as me or more. I think that's not true . He hasn’t lost anything. He gets the girl he wants, and he keeps his church. He still see’s his daughter. What is he hurting over its not me. I struggle everyday and pray everyday that I don’t have a complete melt down. I Struggle every day not to be bitter towards him. I have to go to another church, and I have to deal with him being with her and her being around my child. I don’t see how he's hurting not even a little bit.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#11
#11
Moonlight15 said:
He tells me that he’s hurting just as much as me or more. I think that's not true . He hasn’t lost anything. He gets the girl he wants, and he keeps his church. He still see’s his daughter. What is he hurting over its not me. I struggle everyday and pray everyday that I don’t have a complete melt down. I Struggle every day not to be bitter towards him. I have to go to another church, and I have to deal with him being with her and her being around my child. I don’t see how he's hurting not even a little bit.
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No he's not hurting at all.Hes selfish.Its too bad,sometimes we make really bad choices in partners.Im afraid you picked a very self centered and selfish person that plays women. It would be better to move on and find happiness in your own life.This guy is not worth the tears.
 
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