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Hey everyone. First off, there might be some discussion of adult topics in this thread, so please be aware of that. I'll try to keep it as clean as possible, but please stay away at your own discretion. It's also going to be long, so be prepared. I don't really know where to begin, so I'll just get right to it. I've got some really bizarre fetishes that I'm struggling to come to terms with regarding my faith.
The first one is the more innocent of them - I'm a furry. If you're unclear on what the furry "fandom" is, it's generally a community of people who are interested in anthropomorphic animals. There can be varying levels of furries, but most of them are just interested in the art, community, people, or roleplaying as their "fursona", an anthropomorphic version of themself or their fantasy. I do enjoy the creative aspects of it because I'm generally not "artsy" in a sense and this is about the only thing I feel excited to write and/or draw about. I really think my interest in this is part of a larger "transformation" fetish, just because I think it would be really interesting to see how the other gender feels, or otherwise shapeshift into whatever. Generally that's not a problem though because that kinda stuff is all fantasy, with no chance of it happening in real life. Still, some weird stuff.
Back to furries. I'm not a furry who thinks that they are born in the wrong body or something, which I think is a step in the right direction considering many of these exist. However, I'm still interested in anthros and know that I probably wouldn't hesitate to become some animal/human hybrid if given the chance. A large part of the issue I'm having is the sexual aspect of the community at large. Furries are known for the amount of adult art and literature produced, and it can get quite addicting quite fast. Naturally, this can lead to a lot of lustful feelings, which I've felt, as well as some occasional minor feelings of homosexuality (quite honestly, I don't feel like the homosexual feelings themselves are so much a sin as they are an indicator that I've gone too far. I generally get the feeling that most everyone has had feelings for the same sex, and it's part of our job as Christians to ignore these lusts of the flesh. Plus, the community is almost entirely bisexual or gay/lesbian, so it advocates these behaviors a lot). I definitely wouldn't act on anything, but the occasional fantasy has come across and I'm not sure how I feel about that at all.
Naturally, I've tried to stay away from the adult side of things, but it's always a temptation. More recently, I've started to wonder if I should even be involved in the community at all - it just feels so wrong at times. Ideally I'd find a wife who has the same interests as me (granted straight female furs are difficult to find but it's a possibility), but I still wonder if indulging in the fetish itself is a sin (which is actually kind of interesting, considering there are no less than 3 Christian-specific furry groups). Of course, it's easy to rationalize it personally since it's mostly just roleplaying and the occasional costume depending on how involved you are, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's right. The transformation fetish feels worse since I feel like I'm discounting the body God gave me. I really don't feel "out of place" in my own though, I just think it would be cool to try other things. Feel free to ask me any more questions about anything, I'm very open and wouldn't mind talking about any of this.
The other significant fetish I have is much less innocent (seriously, if you felt uncomfortable up there, leave now). I'm secretly really into BSDM stuff, mostly subbing and domming. I still have no clue why, it just seems really appealing to me to either totally control someone or be totally controlled by them. Moreso, this has led me to erotic hypnosis, which is mostly just taking a sub/dom relationship and adding hypnosis to it to allow the control of someone via words or triggers (as well as the exploration of fantasies via suggestion, to some extent). This is the fetish that I hate myself for, just because it feels entirely wrong. I just really want to experience being totally submissive to someone or be in control of someone else, and that scares me. BSDM in itself seems odd and sinful in the fact that we should just have one master - God, but again its easy to rationalize it in the context of a consenting and godly marriage. Hypnosis on the other hand just seems sinister to me - I grew up in a family where it is generally considered occult and I tend to agree; I always get a sense of foreboding and uneasiness thinking about it. This is the fetish that I just feel like I shouldn't even try or advocate in a relationship, and I've never explored it outside of knowing it exists and chatting with some people who have tried it.
So that's pretty much it concerning my fetishes - I'm just super torn between them and my faith, and I don't know how much they conflict. I feel like I should just try to avoid them entirely and focus more on God, and avoid any further exploration or involvement. Another part of me wants to believe that having a kinky Christian marriage is a possibility, and that fetishes aren't necessarily sinful in themselves.
Another issue is forgiveness - in either of these communities there is a lot of explicit material, some of which I wish I had never seen. My problem is that I was raised Christian - I have no excuse for my sins. I knew it was sinful going in and looking at this material - how could I ever ask for forgiveness if I clearly knew of God's will but simply rejected it for the short excitement it gained me here? Heaven and God seem so far away sometimes and it's sad how easily I can forget that my choices now have severe consequences later... I don't even know if I can ask for forgiveness at this point. Why should God grant me that pardon?
Thanks so much for your time. Please feel free to message me or comment, I'll be checking back occasionally. I look forward to what you have to say.
The first one is the more innocent of them - I'm a furry. If you're unclear on what the furry "fandom" is, it's generally a community of people who are interested in anthropomorphic animals. There can be varying levels of furries, but most of them are just interested in the art, community, people, or roleplaying as their "fursona", an anthropomorphic version of themself or their fantasy. I do enjoy the creative aspects of it because I'm generally not "artsy" in a sense and this is about the only thing I feel excited to write and/or draw about. I really think my interest in this is part of a larger "transformation" fetish, just because I think it would be really interesting to see how the other gender feels, or otherwise shapeshift into whatever. Generally that's not a problem though because that kinda stuff is all fantasy, with no chance of it happening in real life. Still, some weird stuff.
Back to furries. I'm not a furry who thinks that they are born in the wrong body or something, which I think is a step in the right direction considering many of these exist. However, I'm still interested in anthros and know that I probably wouldn't hesitate to become some animal/human hybrid if given the chance. A large part of the issue I'm having is the sexual aspect of the community at large. Furries are known for the amount of adult art and literature produced, and it can get quite addicting quite fast. Naturally, this can lead to a lot of lustful feelings, which I've felt, as well as some occasional minor feelings of homosexuality (quite honestly, I don't feel like the homosexual feelings themselves are so much a sin as they are an indicator that I've gone too far. I generally get the feeling that most everyone has had feelings for the same sex, and it's part of our job as Christians to ignore these lusts of the flesh. Plus, the community is almost entirely bisexual or gay/lesbian, so it advocates these behaviors a lot). I definitely wouldn't act on anything, but the occasional fantasy has come across and I'm not sure how I feel about that at all.
Naturally, I've tried to stay away from the adult side of things, but it's always a temptation. More recently, I've started to wonder if I should even be involved in the community at all - it just feels so wrong at times. Ideally I'd find a wife who has the same interests as me (granted straight female furs are difficult to find but it's a possibility), but I still wonder if indulging in the fetish itself is a sin (which is actually kind of interesting, considering there are no less than 3 Christian-specific furry groups). Of course, it's easy to rationalize it personally since it's mostly just roleplaying and the occasional costume depending on how involved you are, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's right. The transformation fetish feels worse since I feel like I'm discounting the body God gave me. I really don't feel "out of place" in my own though, I just think it would be cool to try other things. Feel free to ask me any more questions about anything, I'm very open and wouldn't mind talking about any of this.
The other significant fetish I have is much less innocent (seriously, if you felt uncomfortable up there, leave now). I'm secretly really into BSDM stuff, mostly subbing and domming. I still have no clue why, it just seems really appealing to me to either totally control someone or be totally controlled by them. Moreso, this has led me to erotic hypnosis, which is mostly just taking a sub/dom relationship and adding hypnosis to it to allow the control of someone via words or triggers (as well as the exploration of fantasies via suggestion, to some extent). This is the fetish that I hate myself for, just because it feels entirely wrong. I just really want to experience being totally submissive to someone or be in control of someone else, and that scares me. BSDM in itself seems odd and sinful in the fact that we should just have one master - God, but again its easy to rationalize it in the context of a consenting and godly marriage. Hypnosis on the other hand just seems sinister to me - I grew up in a family where it is generally considered occult and I tend to agree; I always get a sense of foreboding and uneasiness thinking about it. This is the fetish that I just feel like I shouldn't even try or advocate in a relationship, and I've never explored it outside of knowing it exists and chatting with some people who have tried it.
So that's pretty much it concerning my fetishes - I'm just super torn between them and my faith, and I don't know how much they conflict. I feel like I should just try to avoid them entirely and focus more on God, and avoid any further exploration or involvement. Another part of me wants to believe that having a kinky Christian marriage is a possibility, and that fetishes aren't necessarily sinful in themselves.
Another issue is forgiveness - in either of these communities there is a lot of explicit material, some of which I wish I had never seen. My problem is that I was raised Christian - I have no excuse for my sins. I knew it was sinful going in and looking at this material - how could I ever ask for forgiveness if I clearly knew of God's will but simply rejected it for the short excitement it gained me here? Heaven and God seem so far away sometimes and it's sad how easily I can forget that my choices now have severe consequences later... I don't even know if I can ask for forgiveness at this point. Why should God grant me that pardon?
Thanks so much for your time. Please feel free to message me or comment, I'll be checking back occasionally. I look forward to what you have to say.
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