Please help

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Bluelagoon1234567

Guest
#1
#1
My boyfriend is in the marines. He believes there is a God but does not think he deserves Gods forgiveness or anything. I recently told him about how missionary dating or dating someone who does not have the same beliefs does not work out and how I need to date a christian. I told him I would help him if he wanted to try and listed all these options and tried my best to give him hope. He said he loved me but couldnt do this for me. So I basically said we couldnt be together then. After like 4 days he acted like everything was normal. Actually he seemed different. More invested into the relationship. I am staying with him because I love him and I am the only way he will ever decide to try with God. I pray for him every night .People change. I am scared he wont. I am going to keep trying and praying but how much is too much. How am I supposed to know when to just stop and let go?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
"I am the only way he will ever decide to try with God"
That right there is the central problem. Guess what? God doesn't 'need' you to get to him. And the fact that you are so emotionally entangled with this guy is probably more of a hindrance because you are pushing too hard.
And really, the fact that you told him that you won't date someone not Christian... that failed. Because you already were dating him. And you went back with him After saying that.

So many wrong attitudes and mindsets and beliefs and choices coming from you, yet you seem to think you are the 'only way' this guy can find God. Quite frankly you've been rather wishy washy about things, and that reflects poorly on God. You've already shown him you'll stay with him and disregard your standards to stay with him. What does that say about your faith? What does that teach him about God and being a Christian? Say one thing and do another? What does that say about your personal Character? That you can be swayed?
How about telling him how bad of an idea missionary dating is, then turning around and doing the very thing you Told Him was Bad?

Bottom line is you have done quite poor job representing God, and not showing a strength of character. You contradict yourself at every turn and the only real stance you've taken isn't about God, but about staying with this guy.
I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just giving you the facts. I understand when you're in love it's easy to be blind to our own choices. It's easy to ignore actions we normally would not allow ourselves to do. I've been guilty of it myself numerous times. And that's why it's so easy for me to spot you doing it. But right now your emphasis is on the 'guy' and not truly on God.

So my advice to you is to stop doing the opposite of what you keep telling him. Gain your character back. Recognize that you are not God, nor above Him, and that you are Not the 'only' person that can sway this guys mind. That's not your job. And if you are dating, or want to date, you are usually the last person that should be trying to be a witness because, deep down, your motives are selfish, not Godly. Not to mention the chances of him going along with things to keep you is greatly increased as well, making him never saved, only pretending. And eventually the truth will come out. I hope this helps. Take care.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#3
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#3
Guess what? God doesn't need you in this equation to get to this guy's heart. Like Ugly said, you're being more of a hindrance than a help to this guy. People only change IF they WANT to change. Maybe he doesn't want to. YOU can't change him, or mold him into who YOU think he should be.. He's going off to the Marines, and YOU need to go your own way. Pray for him, but let him go or you'll do more harm than good.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#4
#4
Bluelagoon1234567 said:
My boyfriend is in the marines. He believes there is a God but does not think he deserves Gods forgiveness or anything. I recently told him about how missionary dating or dating someone who does not have the same beliefs does not work out and how I need to date a christian. I told him I would help him if he wanted to try and listed all these options and tried my best to give him hope. He said he loved me but couldnt do this for me. So I basically said we couldnt be together then. After like 4 days he acted like everything was normal. Actually he seemed different. More invested into the relationship. I am staying with him because I love him and I am the only way he will ever decide to try with God. I pray for him every night .People change. I am scared he wont. I am going to keep trying and praying but how much is too much. How am I supposed to know when to just stop and let go?
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This is a relationship of egos.

He thinks so much of himself that he alone can't be saved. And you are the only person who can save him. He called you bluff. And he was right. You were bluffing.

I hope you both have parachutes because that's going to be a long fall when it comes.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#5
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#5
Use your brain, that's what God gave it to you for. This so-called "relationship" is a train wreck in progress. Stop thinking that you're stronger than God, and that YOU are the ONLY way to get this guy to turn to God. Sorry, but in this instance, you aren't even a blip on God's (or this guy's) radar. God doesn't need your help, so step aside.
 
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allaboutlove

Senior Member
#6
Jun 11, 2013
480
4
18
#6
Unlike everyone else it seems I'm not just going to tell you stop or move on because God dosent need your help in the matter... While its true God dosent actually need our help to do anything he does often use us to do things... However that being said God could use anyone for this not just you.. God may or may not want to use you for this idk i want even pretend to guess at Gods plans. If and that is a if he does want to use you for this matter than my advice is to step out of the way and allow him to work through you. If you try to do it yourself by forcing it on him you will likely only make things worse.
 
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Bluelagoon1234567

Guest
#7
#7
It was hard wording this whole thing but I did not mean to come off as "only I can help him" type deal. I meant that no one else in his life is trying to seek God except me. I know I can not do anything and if anything were to change it would be because of God I pray that God can use me for his Glory. Not that I can do this alone. I know I seem wavering and scattered . It is not like I am forcing God down his throat or anything by that means. Just wanted to clear things up.
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#8
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#8
Bluelagoon1234567 said:
My boyfriend is in the marines. He believes there is a God but does not think he deserves Gods forgiveness or anything. I recently told him about how missionary dating or dating someone who does not have the same beliefs does not work out and how I need to date a christian. I told him I would help him if he wanted to try and listed all these options and tried my best to give him hope. He said he loved me but couldnt do this for me. So I basically said we couldnt be together then. After like 4 days he acted like everything was normal. Actually he seemed different. More invested into the relationship. I am staying with him because I love him and I am the only way he will ever decide to try with God. I pray for him every night .People change. I am scared he wont. I am going to keep trying and praying but how much is too much. How am I supposed to know when to just stop and let go?
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your heart is in the right place but i can tell you he will be a very different person after being in Marine training he will learn how to shut off his emotions even more. He will be trained to kill the enemy. He will be trained to be a virtual killing machine with no emotions. When all is said and done he will most likely be one cold person. I am not saying this to be a mean person I just know many Marines and ex military people and relationships do not work well for these people after they train for the service. So ask yourself now if he is already being shall I say a bit distant and unsure of things it will get way way worse can you live with putting yourself through that? If i had known half of what I know now about an abusive cold person that I am married to I would have never gotten in as I am. I figured oh he will change he will get better. NOPE HE IS GETTING WORSE so my advice to you is to run as far as you can and try to find that Christian man GOD is telling you to find.
 
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Bluelagoon1234567

Guest
#9
#9
thank you. Your comment was so far the only somewhat helpful reply. The rest seemed to just put me down and the relationship down. I guess the whole point of this was that I seem to make him a better person and help him deal with emotions that until now he has never shared or opened up to others. So I was just wondering if this progress can lead to him finding God or am I just asking for too much and giving up my hopes
 
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Bluelagoon1234567

Guest
#10
#10
thank you. Your comment was so far the only somewhat helpful reply. The rest seemed to just put me down and the relationship down. I guess the whole point of this was that I seem to make him a better person and help him deal with emotions that until now he has never shared or opened up to others. So I was just wondering if this progress can lead to him finding God or am I just asking for too much and giving up my hopes
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#11
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#11
please be sure of what you need for you Like i said i am not trying to hinder you in any way just know that people who are very emotionless tend to get worse not better. I do not think God has you in mind to be this man's savior. I think you need to do some soul searching and really think about the kind of person you want in your life the person who you want to be around your future children etc... IS he rude to you in anyway right now? does he try to place blame on others for his problems? if so those are huge huge red flags and do not take those lightly the will get worse I can almost promise you that. I do not know how old you are or how long you have been with this man or anything like that but please if you are young and have a great shot at making a better choice and finding a better man I would tell you to do it. I have to say the choice is yours though I can only tell you what I have been thorough and It is not nice and it only gets worse everyday. I am in a situation where I can not leave at this moment or I would in a heart beat.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
Bluelagoon1234567 said:
thank you. Your comment was so far the only somewhat helpful reply. The rest seemed to just put me down and the relationship down. I guess the whole point of this was that I seem to make him a better person and help him deal with emotions that until now he has never shared or opened up to others. So I was just wondering if this progress can lead to him finding God or am I just asking for too much and giving up my hopes
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People weren't being mean at all. You simply did not hear what you had hoped.

And many people were concerned by your statement "I am staying with him because I love him and I am the only way he will ever decide to try with God." It may have been worded wrong, and that's understandable. But imagine seeing someone else say that line and you read it. Wouldn't you make the same assumption we all did? The way that line was worded Needed to be addressed, if it was truly how you felt. Once again, it doesn't make people mean for addressing it.

All anyone can respond to is what you typed out. If the way things are worded comes off differently than you intended, that's not everyone else's fault. So you can't fairly blame others for their misunderstanding. Nor is it your fault. Everyone does this, wording things poorly at times. And when you're upset it is even easier to happen as it's often hard to think clearly.
So i might suggest going back and reading what people said about the relationship. Because, outside of references to that wrongly worded line, the rest of what people had to say is valid. Don't ignore wisdom because you don't like the wrapper it came in. That's like refusing to leave a burning building because someone yelled fire, and you don't like to be yelled at.
And if the relationship seemed to be put down, maybe that's for a reason. You are missionary dating. Something you said yourself doesn't work. Pointing out contradictions that you made, more than once, isn't mean, nor is it putting you down. It's pointing out the truth to you so you can see it clearly. And by that you can discover your own answer with a new found vision of what's going on. How you are acting. How he is acting.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#13
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#13
Blue lagoon, talk to your friend and explain that you won't be in a relationship with someone unless they are Christian. Then give it some time. Unfortunately we can't make someone believe, we can pray that they change their heart. But you know what you have to do. I know it's hard and I know it hurts. Maybe he'll change maybe not, I hope he does. I'm not saying eventually you can't be friends with him, but the longer this goes on the harder it will be.

I broke up with someone right before I started dating my Husband because he wasn't Christian, I knew that I couldn't marry someone that wouldn't understand my faith and I might battle with about. I've had friends in that position and its tough. I didn't want to go there.

Inkmow it's really hard when you care for someone to let them go, but I think you already feel God telling you this isn't right.

I wish you the best, God bless.
 
RoseRed

RoseRed

Junior Member
#14
Feb 7, 2016
25
1
3
#14
Ugly said:
"I am the only way he will ever decide to try with God"
That right there is the central problem. Guess what? God doesn't 'need' you to get to him. And the fact that you are so emotionally entangled with this guy is probably more of a hindrance because you are pushing too hard.
And really, the fact that you told him that you won't date someone not Christian... that failed. Because you already were dating him. And you went back with him After saying that.

So many wrong attitudes and mindsets and beliefs and choices coming from you, yet you seem to think you are the 'only way' this guy can find God. Quite frankly you've been rather wishy washy about things, and that reflects poorly on God. You've already shown him you'll stay with him and disregard your standards to stay with him. What does that say about your faith? What does that teach him about God and being a Christian? Say one thing and do another? What does that say about your personal Character? That you can be swayed?
How about telling him how bad of an idea missionary dating is, then turning around and doing the very thing you Told Him was Bad?

Bottom line is you have done quite poor job representing God, and not showing a strength of character. You contradict yourself at every turn and the only real stance you've taken isn't about God, but about staying with this guy.
I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just giving you the facts. I understand when you're in love it's easy to be blind to our own choices. It's easy to ignore actions we normally would not allow ourselves to do. I've been guilty of it myself numerous times. And that's why it's so easy for me to spot you doing it. But right now your emphasis is on the 'guy' and not truly on God.

So my advice to you is to stop doing the opposite of what you keep telling him. Gain your character back. Recognize that you are not God, nor above Him, and that you are Not the 'only' person that can sway this guys mind. That's not your job. And if you are dating, or want to date, you are usually the last person that should be trying to be a witness because, deep down, your motives are selfish, not Godly. Not to mention the chances of him going along with things to keep you is greatly increased as well, making him never saved, only pretending. And eventually the truth will come out. I hope this helps. Take care.
Click to expand...
You make several really good points, Ugly. and to the OP, please don't resume God is so weak, that he has no other path to your "boyfriend" than you.
 
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persontalkto

Banned
#15
Sep 5, 2016
113
1
0
#15
if your boyfriend doesn't believe in something he may not

You could try pointing out though that christian beliefs say no one deserves forgiveness but it is given anyway
 
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