To stay or leave a relationship

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09choij

Guest
#1
#1
Hello all,

I am new to Christian Chat, to start off, I was raised in a Christian family and was born again in middle school. My significant other is fairly new to the faith, and became born again right before University. We have since dated for about three years, and yes we struggled very much. But we always turned back to God to repent and have a relationship that would be pleasing to God. We are serious about getting married, and after three years of dating, I felt that we were ready.

Last month, everything was perfect, she left for Korea with her mother to visit the country for a month. She cheated on me, I'm not sure to what extent, but she confessed to me when she returned to America. She lied to me ever since she arrived, since she explained to me that she had no internet connection and no way to speak to me, but she was doing this with a new guy she met there. I found out that she dated him for the entire month. Of course, i was very upset and heartbroken, but I still cared deeply for her and I do love her. I wanted to work on the relationship but she wants space and time because she feels broken and lost.

What do you suggest i do? Should i keep trying to work on the relationship, or is this where it ends? I asked if she still wanted to work on our relationship, and she doesnt know, she doesn't even know if she wants to be with me anymore. What do i do?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Seems most marriages, where someone cheats Before the marriage, end in divorce at some point. Something to think about.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#3
I suggest that you dump her. Welcome to CC.
 
Angela_grace

Angela_grace

Senior Member
#4
Jan 3, 2016
196
10
18
#4
I would give her some time. She might feel she doesn't deserve you. That may be why she doesn't know if she wants you. Also if she doesn't want you. You should let her go. Everyone deserves to be loved as they love. Trust God. Know that He has everything in His hands even if doesn't seem like it.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#5
Jul 3, 2015
55,890
26,050
113
#5
It seems to me that she has already ended your relationship, and is trying to spare your feelings by not coming right out and saying it is over. Telling you she needs space is the co-dependent equivalent of telling you to get lost. Putting any kind of pressure on her right now will only drive her further away. You really do need to give her space, and a LOT of it. I know it all sounds so harsh in light of your feelings for her, but your best course of action is to make a clean break of it, and move on. Please note that I am not saying to run out and get involved again with somebody else right away. You will both need time to grieve the ending of this relationship, since so much was pinned on it. Her new fixation will probably not last, but that is not your concern. You need to look after yourself. Your relationship could not have been perfect or she would not have cheated on you. She has set you free.
 
O

OwzK

Banned
#6
Jul 27, 2016
458
7
0
#6
09choij said:
Hello all,

I am new to Christian Chat, to start off, I was raised in a Christian family and was born again in middle school. My significant other is fairly new to the faith, and became born again right before University. We have since dated for about three years, and yes we struggled very much. But we always turned back to God to repent and have a relationship that would be pleasing to God. We are serious about getting married, and after three years of dating, I felt that we were ready.

Last month, everything was perfect, she left for Korea with her mother to visit the country for a month. She cheated on me, I'm not sure to what extent, but she confessed to me when she returned to America. She lied to me ever since she arrived, since she explained to me that she had no internet connection and no way to speak to me, but she was doing this with a new guy she met there. I found out that she dated him for the entire month. Of course, i was very upset and heartbroken, but I still cared deeply for her and I do love her. I wanted to work on the relationship but she wants space and time because she feels broken and lost.

What do you suggest i do? Should i keep trying to work on the relationship, or is this where it ends? I asked if she still wanted to work on our relationship, and she doesnt know, she doesn't even know if she wants to be with me anymore. What do i do?
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I'd say dump her. You've seen what she's like from when she went to Korea. When you're not around she acts like that? yeah she can cry and apologise but it doesn't change the fact that she COULD have been faithful to you and that she COULD not have cheated. Imagine how it's gonna be like, you have a business trip or are away sometime and while you're away she hooks up with some random bloke. You cool with that?

**phrase removed**

Find a loyal woman
 
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