Confused

[bijanka]

Hi all;

Have you ever experienced something so heartbreaking that it makes you question everything..who you are, what you want from life..even your faith?
I have recently gone through a few situations, which ,when considered in isolation are probably not that bad, but when put together can really shake a person.
I found out that my father was having an affair, and that divorce was now on the table for my parents who have been married for almost 30 years. I had been struggling to find a job, and as I had recently moved away from home, I knew nobody and felt very very alone in the new place I moved to. Struggling to find a job is actually an understatement. I had gone for interview after interview for 3 months straight and got rejected and declined at each and every place. Here I was, lost, confused and crying out to the LORD. What was HIS plan for me? Did I miss something? Was I doing something wrong????
While completely consumed with this worry, the month of August began with the break up of my relationship. It was his decision, not mine which obviously left me feeling rejected, alone, humiliated and quite frankly broken and hurt. I consoled myself with the fact that he was not a believer, and that the LORD was protecting me from any more pain that would inevitable find me...so many weeks later and I still find myself feeling hurt and broken about it. I pray about this constantly. Psalm 34:18 has been the only thing keeping me going. I pray for the healing of my heart daily. I pray for the LORD to be near and save me, to revive my spirit. This breakup has really left me feeling devastated and lost.

It's not all bad though. Through constant prayer and really the most daunting test of my faith in my entire life, the LORD has provided for me. Truly, relying on HIS promises is the only thing that kept me going. There were days I could not get out of bed I was so depressed. I read my Bible and prayed and worshiped constantly. The LORD has since provided me with 3 job offers!!!!!! and also brought very dear friends into my life, who I met through a church group at church. Truly I know that this was God intervening in my life.
Having had my prayers answered, I have been riding the high of all the LORD has done for me, praying prayers of thanksgiving and praise whenever I am able.
Two of my prayers remain unanswered however, but please do not misunderstand, I am in no way ungrateful. I know that I have been blessed and favored as a CHILD OF GOD.
My parents' marriage is still broken, my father is still wanting to divorce and has turned away from church and his faith. I fear that my parents are on a very dangerous path and feel almost hopeless about it. I pray and pray and pray, and things have seemed to get worse with them.
Also, although it happened nearly two months ago, my heart is still as broken as ever regarding my own failed relationship. I am struggling to let go of it, I am struggling so much. I haven't even spoken to my partner who left me nearly two months ago, yet he is on my mind every day. I pray for deliverance from this terrible burden. I guess I just wanted to post something on here, anonymously, because I am looking for guidance. I am looking for hope and reassurance. I am also looking to share my testimony of what the LORD has done in my life, and hopefully of all the good HE is still going to do.
I still feel confused, very very confused but my heart i s grateful. I pray that the LORD will speak to me, heal my heart and give me hope.

 

[Ultimatum77]

All I can say is hold on sister! I have had some prayers still unanswered but we truly have no option but to rely on Christ. Keep praying even if it feels hopeless b/c praying will alleviate the weight of the burden maybe the burden won't go away for a while but at least if you pray you get some peace about it....Life can truly be discouraging when it doesn't go as you planned it....let God comfort you and help you through your pains....

 

[Roughsoul1991]

[h=1]James 1:2-4Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)[/h][h=3]Trials and Maturity[/h][FONT=&quot]2 Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

[/FONT]
[h=1]1 Peter 4:12-14Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)[/h][FONT=&quot]12 Dear friends, don’t be surprised when the fiery ordeal comes among you to test you as if something unusual were happening to you.13 Instead, rejoice as you share in the sufferings of the Messiah, so that you may also rejoice with great joy at the revelation of His glory.

I pray you find peace in the midst of the chaos. The greatest thing we can do as Christians is getting our minds in the right place first. I for one suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, and depression but so far I have learned a few things. A person who struggles in the mind will never find healing until the struggle is resolved. We are told to have great joy or rejoice in our trials. But I would read these scriptures and try to pretend to understand the passage. When finally I learned I could not and would not ever experience joy until I faced the emotions inside. Emotions are beautiful if fully understood and in a healthy way released. You have defiantly done a great thing by finding a church group to help you through these hard times. Emotions are good tools of guidance to one's recovery. And if left unchecked can turn into a whole different beast. Sadness can lead to depression or worry can lead to panic attacks, anger can lead to physical abuse.
To find this joy I realized we can't ignore our feelings no matter how inconvenient they may feel. Sometimes we can find healing on our own but not usually. Healing can be found in the body of Christ connecting to others while praying and seeking the Lord. Sometimes we must find professional help which is completely okay just don't let them drug you up in less you're depression is out of control or dangerous to your health. Never ignore your emotions and face them as they come.
I have the weight of many looking up to me in my personal life and at times I get overwhelmed and my life has found many trials this last month where I faced many emotions. I still found myself depressed and filled with anxiety. Just the unsureness of the future would tear me apart. I eventually started to make myself physically sick with worry showing how dangerous I let my emotions get out of control.
By saying that I wanted to clear up that the struggles in trials will never be easy and Joy is a choice we must make in our minds. Always seek God and He will radiate through you. Then with the help of encouragement from others, healing and Joy will be found. [/FONT]

 

[bijanka]

Thank you for sharing this with me, I have found hope and encouragement in it. I pray that the Lord may be a source of strength and comfort to you during this challenging time as well. Blessings