Engaged and confused

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M

Melrose37

Guest
#1
#1
Hello! Before I get into the real issue, here is some background to my relationship with my FI. We began dating 7 years ago. I have been deeply in love with him and even though we have gone through ups and downs, and talked to and dated other people, I still would compare them to him. I couldn’t feel the same way for them that I felt for him. He admitted to feeling the same way for me. We decided to get back together after a big breakup. That was 3 years ago and we have been together ever since. When he popped the question I was excited! My family was happy for us and have been very supportive of our relationship. So we have been engaged for 10 months so far. We have been making some plans towards a wedding and I have been having fun doing so with him and my family. But there is a feeling since we have gotten engaged that has been bothering me. I don’t know if it is cold feet or if it is just engagement anxiety. I have always lived at home with my family which is a big family. I am also the youngest in my family with 4 brothers and 1 older sister. My FI does not live in the same state as I do but we see each other every weekend. When we get married I am moving where he is. Away from my family and friends. I have been excited about wedding planning but have been having worries about if my FI is the one. On the other hand he is a great provider and so generous, loving, caring, and smart. He has been a great and understanding man to me. We are on the same page with so many things as far as what we want in the future. I find that alot of my issues that are brought up about my FI is physical insecurities that I believe I have about myself, but tend to see those insecurities in him instead. These insecurities are usually physical. We also stopped having sex about a year before we got engaged and it seemed that I didn’t think of the things I’m thinking of now before we stopped having sex, but more specifically before we got engaged.

BTW I have definitely prayed about the feelings that I have been having about my FI. I have had so many instances that have showed me that he is the one for me. I feel that he has made it clear to me.

Am I over analyzing this situation and its just anxiety, or should I really go on with getting married to my FI?

I love him so much. But there has been times that I am deeply in love with him, then others when I just feel love but not in love with him. He makes me happy. He is funny. He is always thete for me. He is all that I want in a man. Especially when I thought that he was the most handsome man ever bexpress we had gotten engaged. I just want to know if it is normal. And if I should continue going on with the wedding planning.
 
PrynceNY

PrynceNY

Banned
#2
Aug 16, 2016
2,184
62
0
#2
Sounds like you have an anxiety, the fear of change & something new. It's common amongst people who lived in the same place for the majority of their lives. Not only will you be taken out of your comfort zone, you will also be away from your family.
 
M

Melrose37

Guest
#3
#3
Yeah I think that is the main thing. It's change. So would u say it's safe to go on with the wedding plans and to marry him.
 
PrynceNY

PrynceNY

Banned
#4
Aug 16, 2016
2,184
62
0
#4
Melrose37 said:
Yeah I think that is the main thing. It's change. So would u say it's safe to go on with the wedding plans and to marry him.
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if you are absolutely sure he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with then yes. People sometimes tend to get nervous before weddings so your not the only one. However for your anxiety you will overcome it when your comfortable in the place you move to. It may take time but as with everything once you become accustomed to it you will be fine
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#5
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#5
Melrose37 said:
Hello! Before I get into the real issue, here is some background to my relationship with my FI. We began dating 7 years ago. I have been deeply in love with him and even though we have gone through ups and downs, and talked to and dated other people, I still would compare them to him. I couldn’t feel the same way for them that I felt for him. He admitted to feeling the same way for me. We decided to get back together after a big breakup. That was 3 years ago and we have been together ever since. When he popped the question I was excited! My family was happy for us and have been very supportive of our relationship. So we have been engaged for 10 months so far. We have been making some plans towards a wedding and I have been having fun doing so with him and my family. But there is a feeling since we have gotten engaged that has been bothering me. I don’t know if it is cold feet or if it is just engagement anxiety. I have always lived at home with my family which is a big family. I am also the youngest in my family with 4 brothers and 1 older sister. My FI does not live in the same state as I do but we see each other every weekend. When we get married I am moving where he is. Away from my family and friends. I have been excited about wedding planning but have been having worries about if my FI is the one. On the other hand he is a great provider and so generous, loving, caring, and smart. He has been a great and understanding man to me. We are on the same page with so many things as far as what we want in the future. I find that alot of my issues that are brought up about my FI is physical insecurities that I believe I have about myself, but tend to see those insecurities in him instead. These insecurities are usually physical. We also stopped having sex about a year before we got engaged and it seemed that I didn’t think of the things I’m thinking of now before we stopped having sex, but more specifically before we got engaged.

BTW I have definitely prayed about the feelings that I have been having about my FI. I have had so many instances that have showed me that he is the one for me. I feel that he has made it clear to me.

Am I over analyzing this situation and its just anxiety, or should I really go on with getting married to my FI?

I love him so much. But there has been times that I am deeply in love with him, then others when I just feel love but not in love with him. He makes me happy. He is funny. He is always thete for me. He is all that I want in a man. Especially when I thought that he was the most handsome man ever bexpress we had gotten engaged. I just want to know if it is normal. And if I should continue going on with the wedding planning.
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Marry him.

You will regret it if you don't. What you're feeling is fear.... It's scary being in love, it's scary getting married and moving, but lucky you... You have someone to share this with.

Maybe you should consider how he feels, and pray, pray, pray and communicate with your fiance...Talk to him. Wish you all the best :)
 
M

Melrose37

Guest
#6
#6
Lol you are right! Yes it is scary. And I do not believe in divorce. I refuse to do so unless it is something that I just can't handle like abuse. But yeah I will go through with it. He is a great man. I'll eventually get accustomed to my new life. I am ready! Thank you!
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#7
Sorry, but MEN don't make it clear to you that they are "the one". GOD makes that clear. If you're having any doubts or mixed feelings at all, DON'T get married. Because if you do, and you later realize you made a mistake, then you'll be stuck. I suggest you consult GOD on this, and not a forum full of people who give you varying advice..
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#8
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#8
You say you keep wondering if he really is "the one". And that sometimes you feel only love for him, but that you're not IN love with him. Don't ignore these feelings, there is a reason why you're wondering all this. Most likely it's God trying to show you that this guy is NOT who GOD has in mind for you. If this guy was "the one" for you, you would have no doubts at all about it.
 
H

HisHolly

Guest
#9
#9
blue_ladybug said:
Sorry, but MEN don't make it clear to you that they are "the one". GOD makes that clear. If you're having any doubts or mixed feelings at all, DON'T get married. Because if you do, and you later realize you made a mistake, then you'll be stuck. I suggest you consult GOD on this, and not a forum full of people who give you varying advice..
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Most excellent advice
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#10
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#10
Melrose37 said:
Lol you are right! Yes it is scary. And I do not believe in divorce. I refuse to do so unless it is something that I just can't handle like abuse. But yeah I will go through with it. He is a great man. I'll eventually get accustomed to my new life. I am ready! Thank you!
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Love is beautiful, and yes you can keep on getting that butterfly feeling of falling in love, if you constantly keep an eye on the great things you already love about him. I sincerely wish you both lots & lots of love in your relationship.... God bless you, will pray for you both :)
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#12
#12
Melrose37 said:
Yeah I think that is the main thing. It's change. So would u say it's safe to go on with the wedding plans and to marry him.
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Well I may be able to speak to you in a way no one else here can. I lived with my family, we traveled and sang in ministry. So I spent a LOT of time with my family on top of living together when we weren't traveling. When I finally stopped traveling I met a man a lot like you're describing. He was very kind hearted, easy going,thoughtful and did all he could to please me. I fell in love, the first person I'd ever been in love with. As we continued to date the time came when he began asking if I liked this or that ring and I knew what he had in mind but I thought it would be a long time down the road. Well on Christmas eve he proposed and I was shocked. I went though all the feelings you are talking about now. I talked myself in and out of the relationship a million times. I loved him but did I want to marry him?

It didn't help that I had zero,I mean zip skills to be a wife. I was traveling 6 months plus a year. I had no clue about cooking or keeping a house together or being a decent wife in general. I was totally stressed. My family didn't even have faith in me and behind my back were saying "how can she be a wife"? Well I went ahead and married him and that was two years ago as of last Tuesday. :) Come to find out I can cook and have an aptitude for it,and Im even better at baking. So much so that my husbands doctor told him he had to lose a few pounds. I worked a plan and I keep my house on that plan to keep it clean. Everyone was amazed that I could handle it,most of all... me. Now I spend a lot of time alone but I have to thank my friends here at CC. My husband leaves early for work and I was so upset at being alone for the first time listening to all the creaks and bumps in the house. I was online one morning and found CC and it helped me through those lonely times. I felt connected to others. Long,long story short is that you can do this. It'll be rough at first but you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll adapt. And you'll be proud of yourself that you accomplished so much. Move forward,life is waiting for you. I wish you and your man happiness and blessings.
 
M

Melrose37

Guest
#13
#13
kaylagrl said:
Well I may be able to speak to you in a way no one else here can. I lived with my family, we traveled and sang in ministry. So I spent a LOT of time with my family on top of living together when we weren't traveling. When I finally stopped traveling I met a man a lot like you're describing. He was very kind hearted, easy going,thoughtful and did all he could to please me. I fell in love, the first person I'd ever been in love with. As we continued to date the time came when he began asking if I liked this or that ring and I knew what he had in mind but I thought it would be a long time down the road. Well on Christmas eve he proposed and I was shocked. I went though all the feelings you are talking about now. I talked myself in and out of the relationship a million times. I loved him but did I want to marry him?

It didn't help that I had zero,I mean zip skills to be a wife. I was traveling 6 months plus a year. I had no clue about cooking or keeping a house together or being a decent wife in general. I was totally stressed. My family didn't even have faith in me and behind my back were saying "how can she be a wife"? Well I went ahead and married him and that was two years ago as of last Tuesday. :) Come to find out I can cook and have an aptitude for it,and Im even better at baking. So much so that my husbands doctor told him he had to lose a few pounds. I worked a plan and I keep my house on that plan to keep it clean. Everyone was amazed that I could handle it,most of all... me. Now I spend a lot of time alone but I have to thank my friends here at CC. My husband leaves early for work and I was so upset at being alone for the first time listening to all the creaks and bumps in the house. I was online one morning and found CC and it helped me through those lonely times. I felt connected to others. Long,long story short is that you can do this. It'll be rough at first but you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll adapt. And you'll be proud of yourself that you accomplished so much. Move forward,life is waiting for you. I wish you and your man happiness and blessings.
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I really really thank you for this post. It hurts me to talk about this because I do love him so much and I don't want to give off the impression that I dont. We have been celibate in our relationship for a long time and I feel that may contribute to my anxiety.
But I am so glad to see that we have a similar storyline. He is an amazing guy. He is my first love and my only love. I have tried to talk to other men and I just can't get past the fact that they are not as wonderful as he is. And I feel that it would be pointless to leave such a loving and healthy relationship, growing in our intimacy with God alone and together, to go out and date other people. Just to try and find someone that measures up to him. Cus i know that that is what I would be doing.
But yes the insecurities I have for myself I seem to push onto him knowing that he is not the probke. But it is me who is afraid that I will not be able to adapt and to live up to the Godly standards of a good wife. Thank you so much! Seriously this post helped alot. I can't put all of my relationship details on here because it will take me forever lol but I feel that me and my fiancé have many good attributes in our relationship. And I know that he is very supportive and loving that he will understand and help throughout this time of my anxieties.
Just a question. How long did your anxieties last?
 
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