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Thread: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful ways

  1. #21
    Junior Member RoryR9's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Pauly, Whats happening bro. Man I can understand not having friends, there was a time when I thought I'd never have friends but now I have a bunch. In the space of a year and a bit I've close to 20 friends of which 2 or 3 are close friends. I have posted two posts that I think will really help you one regarding "How to win with people" and another which is vital to your walk as a christian, "Insecurity (Lust for girls, money and wealth) will leave and you will win in life" which is the title bur the premise is our identity in Christ and our destiny in Christ. Start believing His promises and the nature He has given you. You are not homosexual, you were once broken but now you are new created to love God.

    Hope to continue to be an inspiration to you my brother. Stay blessed

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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Oh and change the music you listen to, use "TUNE IN" radio app for iphone and check air1, ngen, jam the hype, journey 88.3 all great radio stations. All american, really good.
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    Senior Member EmilyNats's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Quote Originally Posted by RoryR9 View Post
    Oh and change the music you listen to, use "TUNE IN" radio app for iphone and check air1, ngen, jam the hype, journey 88.3 all great radio stations. All american, really good.
    Air1 is great. Yes, never listen to sad music or love songs when you are lonely. Bad mistake O.o
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    @roryr9 thanks, man. I'll check out those posts.

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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    (First, Thanks Lady Blue ♡)

    Second,
    I won't say how I relate to what you have written, some things I need to keep to myself, but what I have found from my experience is at times like this the problem is you really do want to change but you just can't rely FULLY on God to know that He will make sure you are okay even if you do get rid of all your sinful ways.
    Sometimes when we sin it goes into an endless cycle, and we literally become attached and rely on our sins and our current way of life. Admit it or not, some sins give us comfort. Is it true and reliable comfort? No, it's comfort from Satan for sure, but once you get into that cycle where you really only rely on Sins, and you spend nights praying and telling yourself "I will change, this will happen no more" and then the next day go right back into the same stuff it's so incredibly hard to get out.
    Now,
    Is it impossible?
    Nope, I've escaped some stuff I thought I would never get myself out of, of course I can't say that for everything....yet.....
    Do you 100% rely on God? Do you 100% hate your sins? Do you 100% want to get rid of them? Do you never make excuses for why your sin isn't actually bad?

    ^I know for a fact the answer to at least one of those questions is not what it should be.

    I have faith in you to change your ways, yes, it hurts like hell and when your sinful comfort is taken away the temptation to go back is ....well, more than my words can say.
    I know, and God knows that you can rid yourself of this stuff.
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    God Bless,
    Natania ♡
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    Junior Member eliza5's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    it's ok. am 23. am normal still never got kissed or dated a guy life! but am fine alone. I love Jesus.

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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    We were made to have relationships. The most important one is with God. I can tell you from hours of praying at night to God that I have sometimes gotten too excited to sleep and have to think about something else to fall asleep. You have to believe that he is real and hears your prayers. Then when you cultivate that relationship with God, a deep sense of satisfaction and confidence will fill you which can only come from God. There may be people in this world who seem loud and boisterous and have many worldly friends, but 1 John says this is not love from the Father. It will leave you empty inside or worse.
    Read your bible and pursue a prayer life with God. This is the God who has given me incredible provision when I was homeless, who has given little orphan boys visions of heaven, who causes the deaf to hear and blind eyes to open and even the dead to be raised in today's present time. These events and testimonies are happening here and now! When you believe in God with all your heart, you have a confidence that cannot be shaken! Seek him in the word and in prayer, confess your doubts and unbelief to Him. We have many relationships to support each other, but God is seeking vessels who are satisfied in Him alone, a place where his Holy Spirit can just rest and be at home. Brother, there is such unspeakable joy in housing The Lord in you, in your holy temple and worshiping him with all your might and falling deeply in love on his broad shoulders!! Take your first steps with him and don't give up!

    it was so good for you to read the Bible. Keep doing that, and seeking God in prayer. Quiet your mind, confess your doubts and disbelief and even unwillingness in prayer, and he will love you and love you and love you until your heart beats LOVE and JOY permeates your being.

    Focus on God who is alive and the lover of our souls!

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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Quote Originally Posted by paulywalnuts View Post
    Hi, this is my first post on these forums. I'm a 22 year old male, I'll be 23 in January. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I should start by saying, I believe in god, but sometimes it's hard to believe believe if you get what im saying. I want to be a good christian, but sometimes its hard to see past how hard my life seems right now and believe that somehow if i try to be a better person, my problems will go away. I grew up in a christian household but we rarely go to church. I've come here because this is the only place i can think of that might be able to help, everywhere else just says "just be yourself" which is useless when i don't want to continue this behavior.

    It feels like every other guy my age has already had a girlfriend, been kissed, and more. I haven't. I've somehow managed to make it to 22, graduate college, and still end up friendless and a loser that's never eve held hands with a girl or been on a date. This is where my issue comes in. There's nothing i've ever wanted more than to find a wife, get married, and start a family but given how terribly that's going so far, I've been feeling incredibly lonely. This i=has led me into some sinful and embarrassing behavior that I don't know how to stop. I've taken to going online, chatting with other guys and doing things on video chat that I'm embarrassed to even admit that i've done. It started off with me looking for any human intimate interaction i could get, but it has gotten to the point where i have developed a physically attraction to other men. I've taken to watching homosexual pornography, though i usually watch straight pornography (i know, they are both just as bad). I feel so ashamed at what i've done, things that i will have to live with for the rest of my life. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thankfully, this hasn't manifested into any real life encounters, I'm still a virgin, but even with what ive done online, it just feels hopeless. While I am physically attracted to women to a certain extend, it seems that my attraction to other guys is just stronger. I see a woman and i don't really think about her body like most other guys do, meanwhile i'll see a guy will think about his body.

    I think what made me susceptible to this in the first place is i've always felt like less than a man. I mean i'm a 5'7 guy (shorter than the average guy), i have a small body, small feet, small hands, i'm not confident in my looks, never had any close friends, never played sports, i can't hold a conversation very well, i'm shy, and top top it all off ive never had any intimate interaction with a woman. That kind of stuff just gets to you, you know? It makes me feel inadequate, to the point where i just started seeking validation from the only place i could get it: guys who are attracted to guys. I hate myself for falling down this rabbit hole, and now i don't know how to get out. I feel like I've joined my life.

    I've thought about suicide. Still do, to tell you the truth. The only thing that stops me from doing it is the thought of my parents being left with the grief it would give them to lose their son. I cant bear to be that selfish. Because of this, every day i wake up, dreading getting out of bed because i know it wil be another day of me living a life that i hate. I just want to. Be normal. I want to be a normal guy who just wakes up, and lives his life not having to worry about these problems. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and know that i will make it, that I will one day meet a woman, start a family, and be happy.

    I don't see how this will ever happen, though. I want to believe that god will be able to help me change but what if he can't? What if the best i can hope for is that i just stop sinnnig, and that i won't ever be able to develop a normal physical attraction to a woman? If celibacy is all i can ever hope for, i don't know if i want to live. As i said, I want to marry a woman and be happy. I don't want to spend my life alone. But it just scares me that even if i try to change, i won't be able to be a true man for her. That wouldn't be fair to her. Plus, what woman will want to be with a man who has suffered these problems?

    I don't know anymore. Thank you to anyone that has made it through this absurdly long post. I just hope there's someone out there willing and able to help me get through this.
    I can certainly relate a lot, as I am 26 and for the longest time (half my life, almost) have battled pornography addiction. In large part because I never felt I was good enough for any woman. I still have those feelings that I'm not good enough or I'm not attractive enough or whatever, and I still have moments where I want to resort back to old ways because of that line of thinking. God knows our hearts, though. I know it's cliche when folks say it's His timing. I know it's also cliche in that you can't physically cuddle on the couch with God, or go on a walk with God while holding the other's hand, or have a romantic dinner with God. There will always be those moments when we do feel lonely. I think that part a lot of people don't seem to realize (especially those that are married, or have been in relationships that have had such things). God created us to feel loved and wanted, and we don't feel loved or wanted when we aren't experiencing these things. It's important not to give up, though. Just continue to focus on yourself and God. And always draw near Him. Don't give up!
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    Member DamaraXD's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Thank you for sharing your true feelings.. It means you are being honest with yourself too.
    God knows you are struggling and knows the desires of your heart. You need to continue to trust in Him..

    I was suicidal as well, and sometimes still think about it for similar reasons to yours, but honestly we all have our good days and bad days.. we need to stick together and help lead each closer to Christ. You can message me on here if you would like to talk.

    You're not alone.

    You are wanted.

    Remember that.
    notmyown likes this.
    “These people fail to realize that it is on the inside that God must be defended, not on the outside. They should direct their anger at themselves. For evil in the open is but evil from within that has been let out. The main battlefield for good is not the open ground of the public arena but the small clearing of each heart.”

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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    No man is perfect

  11. #31
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    You are not alone we all have our struggles and weaknesses I can't say I know exactly how you feel or what your going through but I struggled/still struggle with suicidal thoughts and depression and I know what it feels like to think your on your own. I gave up my social life to take care of my sister's children for years and then one day my entire family disowned me over something that was out of my control. So now I have no family and no friends and no confidence to make friends. Basically the only thing keeping me together right now is knowing that I'm not alone and god will always be there for me even when I mess up and disappoint him his promise is that he won't forsaken us and that's what keeps me going. Anyways I joined the site in hopes of creating a Christian support team and I'd love to chat more!

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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Hey just want to encourage you here bro. I'm 32 and still a virgin never had a normal dating life for years. I've never had many friends either but the cool thing about the Lord is he can turn are greatest weaknesses into are strengths. Not everyone gets delivered in a day. I went through very dark times for years it took me forever to change. I know what it's like to struggle and seemingly get nowhere, but I can tell you it is very worth it. Don't worry about being a virgin, that's special, don't listen to the word. Don't worry about not having friends it's ok Jesus is our only real friend anyhow. Keep looking to the Lord. Every time you have a bad thought just think on Jesus. You win some you loose some but the Lord delivers us eventually
    NewWine and tourist like this.

  13. #33
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Quote Originally Posted by Christianrailroadguy View Post
    Hey just want to encourage you here bro. I'm 32 and still a virgin never had a normal dating life for years. I've never had many friends either but the cool thing about the Lord is he can turn are greatest weaknesses into are strengths. Not everyone gets delivered in a day. I went through very dark times for years it took me forever to change. I know what it's like to struggle and seemingly get nowhere, but I can tell you it is very worth it. Don't worry about being a virgin, that's special, don't listen to the word. Don't worry about not having friends it's ok Jesus is our only real friend anyhow. Keep looking to the Lord. Every time you have a bad thought just think on Jesus. You win some you loose some but the Lord delivers us eventually
    You wrote quite an a post. Yes, eventually the Lord will deliver us from various trials and tribulations if we remain faithful and believe in the promises that He has given. There are real friends but there are not many of these. What you have written can indeed be encouraging. Glad to have you join in on the ongoing conversation in this site. Welcome to CC.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  14. #34
    NewWine
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    A great way to meet people with like interests (giving you a better edge to meet new friends and possibly even a girlfriend) is to do the things you enjoy. If you enjoy reading, visit libraries or used book stores (or volunteer at a school helping kids learn to read), if you like animals, volunteer at a shelter or become a dog trainer for search and rescue (they will teach you how as a volunteer), If you like hiking, join a hiking group....you get the idea.

    The BEST way to find and keep a wife, is to focus on God and let God's love change you into the person He wants you to become. You're an accomplished young man, so by far NOT a loser. These feelings you're having about other dudes are simply manifestations of your need for affection...ANY AFFECTION. People cannot fulfill you. That's way too large a burden to place on any human. We're flawed and will disappoint you. WE WILL DISAPPOINT YOU......That's the basis of needing Christ. He will never disappoint or leave us. He CAN and WILL fulfill you in ways you never knew possible.

    Keep your life and heart focused on God, and let God focus on the desires of your heart.
    Peace!!

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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    @Christianrailroadguy thanks man, glad to know there's someone else out there who can relate. Deep down I know you're right about this all being temporary and that if I put my faith in the lord, he will guide me through. I just wish I didn't have to feel so lonely all the time though It's gotten better lately since I've gotten more involved in faith

    @newwine I know you're right about having to surround myself with people who share the same interests but with me there are two problems that I don't know how to solve: 1) I'm a very socially anxious guy. It's so bad that last year I'm one of my iniversity lectures, we were arranged in a semi circle and I could barely keep my head up because the whole time I was thinking "they're probably looking at me" worrying that they're judging my every movement. My neck would tense up at people being in my fields of view and even the slightest movement would make my neck shake in nervousness. When the professor would call on me to read or answer, my voice would shake. It's very irrational, I know, and I tried telling myself that but I couldn't stop the anxiety. If I found a way to meet people, though hobbies and such, I would be nervous out my mind and I probably wouldn't be able to hold a conversation with them without making a fool of myself :/

    problem #2 is that I don't really have any hobbies or interests. I mean I like the watching sports but I'm no good at playing them. I'm learning to play guitar but it's not really something I'd care enough o talk about with other people. MY problem is I'm not really passionate about anything really. I'm a boring person and I don't know how to change.

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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Pauly in response to your last post let me just say I've been there. I would advise you to choose something to be involved in and decide to like it. I know it's really not easy but just do it. As far as nervous around others, once again I know what you mean, but you know what I did, I decided that I would just look to Christ in every situation and I also decided that humility being the opposite of pride was a good thing and therefore if I'm ackward around people it's ok, let them see the real you, learn that it's ok to look awkward because that humbles us. Once you get over that you won't feel as awkward anymore. Make sense? Regardless I think you know what you have to do and I believe you know you will overcome. God bless and remember think on good things. It's your choice. Don't dwell on all the evil thoughts cause you know what? that's not even you, it's just a trick of Satan trying to get you to believe a lie. He puts those thoughts in you to try and make you feel condemned.
    paulywalnuts and EmilyNats like this.

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    Senior Member DavidvanHolten's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Cast away all your worries and try to seek God and all will be fine.

    Matthew 6:25-34


    Do Not Worry

    25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
    28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    I was in a similar place as you not too long ago. It's really hard when you want to be a good Christian, but you have these desires for people of the same gender. Honestly, what helped me was realizing that God's word is love, and he loves all his children regardless of sexuality. Homosexuality isn't a sin, that's just a misinterpretation of the Bible. I'd also recommend checking out this book: https://www.amazon.com/What-Bible-Re.../dp/188636009X. The other thing that really helped me was talking to gay Christians. There's a couple of online forums you can go to, including threads on CatholicChurchReform.org. Hope this helps! You are not alone and God loves you for who you are!

  19. #39
    Senior Member kaylagrl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunset2 View Post
    I was in a similar place as you not too long ago. It's really hard when you want to be a good Christian, but you have these desires for people of the same gender. Honestly, what helped me was realizing that God's word is love, and he loves all his children regardless of sexuality. Homosexuality isn't a sin, that's just a misinterpretation of the Bible. I'd also recommend checking out this book: https://www.amazon.com/What-Bible-Re.../dp/188636009X. The other thing that really helped me was talking to gay Christians. There's a couple of online forums you can go to, including threads on CatholicChurchReform.org. Hope this helps! You are not alone and God loves you for who you are!

    Please stop lying and trying to stir up trouble in the forums. The Bible clearly says that homosexuality is sin. Its bondage as is all sin. You can read it in black and white for yourself. God loves the sinner,but not our sin. If we cling to it we will die in it. You can twist the Bible anyway you want but it wont change the truth. God will not tolerate sin.
    paulywalnuts and EmilyNats like this.

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    Default Re: I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful way

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunset2 View Post
    I was in a similar place as you not too long ago. It's really hard when you want to be a good Christian, but you have these desires for people of the same gender. Honestly, what helped me was realizing that God's word is love, and he loves all his children regardless of sexuality. Homosexuality isn't a sin, that's just a misinterpretation of the Bible. I'd also recommend checking out this book: https://www.amazon.com/What-Bible-Re.../dp/188636009X. The other thing that really helped me was talking to gay Christians. There's a couple of online forums you can go to, including threads on CatholicChurchReform.org. Hope this helps! You are not alone and God loves you for who you are!
    Do not listen to this person ^ Her selfishness drives her to believe what she wants to believe and disregard the Bible.
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