I'm sick of being me, no matter how hard I try, I keep falling back on sinful ways

[DavidvanHolten]

It is true that God loves all homosexual people, He loves them so much that he sent his only Son to die for their sins. What God does hate is sin, because sin separates us from Him. The more you get involved in sin the harder it will feel to come back to Jesus. But nothing less is true, Jesus stands with His arms wide open to receive everyone who went astray. Now you are free to make your own choice; what do you value more? Having a relationship with Jesus or being involved with homosexual activities. God loves us so much that he gives us a free will. The ball is in your court now.

 

[paulywalnuts]

@Subset2 I'm sorry but I'm going to have to disagree. Homosexuality IS a sin, no ifs ands or buts. God created Adam and Eve and my desire is to one day have an Eve of my own. I want a family, I want a wife and kids. Homosexuality will bring none of that.

@kaylagrl @Emilynats @DavidVanHolten amen to that.whenever I have a negative/sinful thought I know it's the devil whispering in my ear because he knows the only way he can get me to commit sin is if I think these thoughts and betray my faith in god. I'm thankful that god has given me the strength to resist these thoughts because ever since I've became born-again, I've been a happier person.

By the way, thank you everyone for the help, prayers, and kind words, I really appreciate it. I don't really have any friends, so it means a lot to have people here that I can talk to and get support from.

 

[lv2ski]

Important to remember as a man:

The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Therefore take heed that the light which is in you is not darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, the whole body will be full of light, as when the bright shining of a lamp gives you light.”
Luke 11:34*-‬36 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/luk.11.34-36.NKJV

What you take in will drive your thinking, desires and ultimately your actions. Especially us men. We are visually stimulated, our eyes are pleasure centers. We need to like Daniel, make a covenant with are eyes not to defile them. Your homosexual fantasies are because of porn. Don't take that in and you won't have that floating around. It's no coincidence that porn and homosexuality are both skyrocketing today. II believe they go in tandem. We were never meant to gaze upon, nor get accustomed to naked, nor erect men. With gay and straight porn, you have that. If you get"used" to seeing that, it's going to break down all the safeguards that the Lord has put in you. Please, for the glory of God, and your future, take that to the cross!

Secondly,

They do not say in their heart, “Let us now fear the Lord our God, Who gives rain, both the former and the latter, in its season. He reserves for us the appointed weeks of the harvest.” Your iniquities have turned these things away, And your sins have withheld good from you.
Jeremiah 5:24*-‬25 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/jer.5.24-25.NKJV

God loves His daughters too. He can't put you in a relationship When your mind is full of porn. We are supposed to have eyes only for the one we are married to. Its not fair, nor honoring to a woman to have to compete with a bunch of images that are in your head. Allow God to cleanse you so that you can honor and appreciate one His daughters.

 

[Hungry]

Paulywalnuts, I admire your courage and your desire to conquer sin in your life. First of all you should know that nobody is destined to be a loser. Losers are people who give up and stop trying. This doesn't appear to be the situation with you. Everybody wants to blame some outside metaphysical force when it comes to sin in our lives, tempting and enticing us. Technology has made many breakthroughs and in the area of the brain we now know more about how the physiology of the brain can affect our thought processes. Hormones are very responsible for the development of our brains, in and out of the womb. If you are interested in knowing more about this I can tell you but I'm not going to go super in depth if I'm just wasting my time. Just know that testosterone, estrogen, and cortisol, can make severe changes to the developing brain. Both the amygdala and the hypothalamus, responsible for sexual desire and sexual response, are different in people with homosexual tendencies. Physically the brain of a homosexual male closely resembles the brain of a heterosexual female and the opposite is also true. The brain of lesbian women is more like the heterosexual male brain. I know we all want to blame God for how we are created and it's His fault if our desires are less than holy due to physiology. Let's face it, to many people with homosexual desires, that would appear to be a sound argument. It might be if people didn't consider that the brain is "plastic" and you can train and teach it to perform how you want. From a very young age we identify our gender. The learning process is complex but it's not written in stone. By using techniques like discouraging bad thoughts with pain and good thoughts with reward, we can retrain our thought processes with dopamine, the brain chemical that helps us identify things we should and shouldn't do again. To think that a woman will change you would be disastrous. Why do you think that a family is something you want? Here is the truth that you have to face. First, people who generally feel messed up, find other people who are messed up and this escalates problems. Second, men want to start families to create a sort of extension of themselves, women feel the need to nurture. I know not everybody will agree but that's how God made us so take it up with Him. That being said, if you are chaos, you will extend chaos. You need to do some soul searching and answer some of the questions that vex you. Dude, you are young, find a passion in life and don't worry so much about sex. God created us to be adventurers. Tie your identity to something more meaningful. Jesus died so our bodies would not be our masters. That is the naked truth. We crucify the flesh daily giving life to the spirit, giving it control over these vessels. Our spirit needs to be in the driver's seat heeding the Holy Spirit as our navigator. Our body and our brain are just reacting to chemical signals that a lifetime of learning has programmed it to. Be more than that! The Holy Spirit is obviously steering your conscience, helping you identify sin. Heed the call and join the march. We are more than human, we are Christian!

 

[elizabethlear]

I have been struggling with something for months. Almost a year now. When I first started struggling with it, I thought I could just snap out of it and it would just be a distant memory and I'd maybe even forget about it. But when we struggle like this, I don't think that we can just make a sudden change and expect to maintain that change. Maybe start with little changes. Like when you are going about your day to day life and thoughts start creeping up, try to think about something else. Then we you are good at that, cut down on the pornography. If you just stop cold turkey, it's harder to maintain. Kinda like when people stop smoking.

Pray, pray, pray too. Praying and reading the Bible makes me want to do better with my struggle. I'm kind of tired of being myself too, and it is so difficult to change the way you think.

I'm sick of being me too, but this is my first major struggle with faith so far in my life and I know that when I come out of it I will be stronger than ever to be ready for more tests and struggles.

 

[88]

Having a good church---- people who will encourage you to live right-----when I was your age I would struggle with junk----I came out of drugs and heavy metal music--- Zepplin---- Black Sabbath. -----I use to pray in tongues with my pastor for hours--- it literally changed my brain....Grace and Peace

 

[EmilyNats]

I have been struggling with something for months. Almost a year now. When I first started struggling with it, I thought I could just snap out of it and it would just be a distant memory and I'd maybe even forget about it. But when we struggle like this, I don't think that we can just make a sudden change and expect to maintain that change. Maybe start with little changes. Like when you are going about your day to day life and thoughts start creeping up, try to think about something else. Then we you are good at that, cut down on the pornography. If you just stop cold turkey, it's harder to maintain. Kinda like when people stop smoking.

Pray, pray, pray too. Praying and reading the Bible makes me want to do better with my struggle. I'm kind of tired of being myself too, and it is so difficult to change the way you think.

I'm sick of being me too, but this is my first major struggle with faith so far in my life and I know that when I come out of it I will be stronger than ever to be ready for more tests and struggles.

Keep up the good work! I had a very bad problem as well, and started appallingly young. It's taken years. Even now I struggle, but at a different level and in different ways. Keep close to God, and if you ever need to talk there are many of us who are more than willing to give you our encouragement and support.

 

[Hungry]

I have been struggling with something for months. Almost a year now. When I first started struggling with it, I thought I could just snap out of it and it would just be a distant memory and I'd maybe even forget about it. But when we struggle like this, I don't think that we can just make a sudden change and expect to maintain that change. Maybe start with little changes. Like when you are going about your day to day life and thoughts start creeping up, try to think about something else. Then we you are good at that, cut down on the pornography. If you just stop cold turkey, it's harder to maintain. Kinda like when people stop smoking.

Pray, pray, pray too. Praying and reading the Bible makes me want to do better with my struggle. I'm kind of tired of being myself too, and it is so difficult to change the way you think.

I'm sick of being me too, but this is my first major struggle with faith so far in my life and I know that when I come out of it I will be stronger than ever to be ready for more tests and struggles.

Here is just a little info that might help you understand why you do things. When you do something pleasurable for the first time, do you remember that first rush? Whether its eating something delicious, orgasm, drugs or action causing adrenaline, there was a certain chemical response in you body. Things high in sugar, and things that release a lot of serotonin like cocaine and sex, cause your brain to say, "Oh yeah baby, let's do it again!" This releases dopamine and you now have a permanent site on your brain that is calling for that stimuli. The more you repeat the action; eating, sex, drug, you will continue to release the serotonin and dopamine but in an effort for your brain chemicals to balance the receptors for these chemicals become fewer. Stay with me now. You end up having to do more of this action or take more of the substance to receive the same effect. This desensitizes you to normal ranges of pleasure. That's how addictions start and escalate. When a child eats strawberries for the first time, its the best thing in the world...until chocolate. A dude may start checking out the lingerie but it will escalate into watching every form of porn to chase that rush. That area will always be present in the brain. The only way to reduce the effect to a manageable desire is to starve it. Cold turkey is the only effective method. Your failure to participate in the loop returns the brain chemicals to a proper level increasing the receptivity so you can enjoy everything else again. This takes time, you just have to want to stop more than you want to be addicted. Eventually the craving will lessen and you wont even think about it.

 

[lv2ski]

Yes, the porn is driving his thought life. Garbage in garbage out. You can't miss something you've never had.

 

[paulywalnuts]

@lv2ski yea man, I know you're right. It's a matter of "you are what you eat", so to speak. If I keep indulging sinfulnthoughst by giving into them and watching pornography and such, I can't expect myself to change and I can't expect to find a girl because right now, I'm not worthy of having a girl. Happy to say I've abstained from watching pornography for about a week and a half I believe, and whenever I get the urge to I just pray to god that he give me the strength to resist the urge to give in.

I find that when I let my mind go empty, that only leaves space for naht I've thiughts to come in, and that when I fill that void with my faith, it makes things easier to manage.

 

[88]

When I was on drugs and sex---- I got victory by having people around me who supported me, but stood for holiness---- I would pray with my pastor sometimes 4 hours a day in tongues---- it changed my mind---- I had taken 200 acid LSD trips----God restored my mind---- he can do the same for you...

 

[lv2ski]

.

@lv2ski yea man, I know you're right. It's a matter of "you are what you eat", so to speak. If I keep indulging sinfulnthoughst by giving into them and watching pornography and such, I can't expect myself to change and I can't expect to find a girl because right now, I'm not worthy of having a girl. Happy to say I've abstained from watching pornography for about a week and a half I believe, and whenever I get the urge to I just pray to god that he give me the strength to resist the urge to give in.

I find that when I let my mind go empty, that only leaves space for naht I've thiughts to come in, and that when I fill that void with my faith, it makes things easier to manage.

Good job! Don't look back, keep moving forward. 1 1/2 weeks is great! Zechariah tells us not to despise the day of small beginnings. Good start.

Now for the void of thinking..... I hope you are engaged in daily Bible reading. Not just like a verse or two. Chapters a day. Jesus washes us with the water of His Word. Thats what Ephesians 4:23 means when it tells us to be faithful renewed in the spirit of our minds. If you read that verse in context from a few verses before and after thats what it's talking about. Also Romans 12:1,2.

But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.
Ephesians 4:20*-‬24 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/eph.4.20-24.NKJV.

Notice verse1. ....you've not so 'learned' Christ....

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:1*-‬2 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/rom.12.1-2.NKJV

The Bible doesn't teach just to not sin with your mind, but to replace bad thinking and actions with righteous.

“When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none, he says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when he comes, he finds it swept and put in order. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.”
Luke 11:24*-‬26 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/luk.11.24-26.NKJV

Keep up the good work!

 

[Romans_6]

"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life."(prov.4:23) God gave me this verse when I was struggling with pornography. It means we(Christians) have to take a pro-active role in combating sin in our lives. Prayer, fellowship,studying the bible, never giving up, perseverance,diligence. We are conquerors through Christ(Ro. 8:37) and don't forget to fight the fight of faith(1 Tim.6:12).

 

[TimM7]

I understand where you're coming from. I've struggled with a lot of things you posted...

At one time, I struggled with looking at pornography. I no longer look at it, but the images remain in my mind. Thankfully, they are starting to fade over time.

God can help you change. He helped me overcome my addiction to pornography. Honestly, I don't know how He did it, but He did! Believe me, I failed many many times before I finally overcame it.

I'm also a short guy, even shorter than you are at 5'5". I can't tell you how many times I've been ridiculed for it.

I've also desired a wife and haven't found one yet. I'm hopeful one day, in the future (perhaps far future, only God knows), God will send someone my way.

I'm also still a virgin and this is a blessing in a way since if I do marry one day, I will have saved myself for the one I marry. I've never kissed a girl either. I'm also 28 by the way.

I also don't have very many close Christian friends. I do have a 2-3.... Most of them are online.

I have faced many bouts with depression, I'm going through one right now as a matter of fact...mainly because of a couple of bad decisions I made. So, it's my own fault. I've repented of it so hopefully, God will fix this messed up situation and turn it into something good.

While I don't struggle with everything you struggle with, I do have my own struggles that I'm constantly having to fight against, especially with anxiety.

Yes, you definitely do need to get rid of temptation. If you're tech savvy, you can block images and websites with certain add-ons and programs. I use adblock plus for firefox and that blocks a lot of the horrible ads that are on the internet. I can also selectively block images with it. Look it up, it comes with every browser now I think. Another option is block certain TV channels, especially the ones with temptation. I did that on my TV so now there's only a few channels I watch.

Just wanted to post and let you know you're not alone.

 

[Rickyrickster]

I feel you brother. I had my first girlfriend at 20 and lost my virginity to her. I thank God that she came into my life because I was struggling with the same thing, confused about who I like. But you have no idea how much I prayed to get that evil spirit away from me cause that's not who I am and God answered my prayers and now I'm with her. Sad part is that she was a Christian before but now she's not so it's hard walking this spiritual walk. But he made my thoughts different he made me feel disgusted by all that. My suggestion is for you to just keep praying on that and don't say he can't because nothing is impossible for God Not one thing. Just have faith that he will change you and trust me you'll be twice as happy. We just have to fight this spiritual walk and try even if it hurts us you know God is great. Also my whole life I've always been shy as well speacialy at school but then I look back and thank God for making me like that cause everyone at school were just always sinning and never think of Christ. Pray and look at things diffently God knows his chosen ones and had a reason for everything. But I know it's hard not to be depressed. If you ever need someone to talk to bro I'm here just add me and message me. Maybe with you talking to someone will make things more helpful

 

[karis]

Pm/inbox me bro Goe bless I have to talk to u

 

[Lighthearted]

Hey! If it were so easy to live without sin, we wouldn't need Him would we? He understands us better than we could ever dream of knowing ourselves. Yet another thing you must simply acknowledge and hand over to Our Lord Almighty to help us correct our paths. GB

 

[Absolem]

I remember my struggle with porn and lust. When I decided to stop it was difficult. I had to retrain my mind through the Lord to get victory. Its been a few years now but I'm completely delivered and now have the spiritual fortitude to fight the thoughts when they come. Jesus will give you victory. Keep your faith in him and he won't let you down. I don't have many friends either but the Lord made it that way with me so I could learn some things that you can only learn when your alone. I battled with loneliness and it led to the porn thing but I've found satisfaction in Christ that far surpasses anything the Carmel nature has to offer.

Get some close guy friends you can talk to and will help you with your selfesteem. Once you've established yourself in a group of friends the girls will come and they'll want to be around you because your honest and your actively working on bettering yourself. I'm always down to make more friends so if you want you can pm me.

Keep the faith and keep fighting. Jesus loves you.

 

[cashmere]

Hey there, WOW... For you to be on here and be so open about your problems is very very amazing! What City do you live in if you don't mind me asking?? I would love to point out a church. Before that, I want to let you know that you are a CHILD of GOD and he loves you. Also, growing up in a Christian household you should already know that Men and Men just isn't God's way. I have to tell you that Satan is blinding you, with lies, lonelyness, and suicide. I am 23 and I was 15-17 doing drugs, going through many different life changes. It all started with my self esteem as well. I never was able to make friends through out high school. (not to be conceited) but I am very very pretty! All guys wanted to do was use my body. I then went into a phase of shaving my head and being attracted to women (which I knew is very disgusting) I then started to do cocaine at 17.... I got a boyfriend, almost over dosed on extacy, that night was when I know GOD was calling me. I still ignored it... I then found out I was pregnant and started going to church. I got saved at Victory Outreach. VERY VERY POWERFUL church!! I gave birth became a single mother. Then at 20 I started to strip, make money, and smoke weed.... One night I felt so alone and realized my life was not going anywhere. Having no one to talk to because I was a darn loner as well. I just broke down crying asking god for guidance. I ended up back in church asking for forgiveness. I then met my now husband, at the age of 21. We had another daughter together, and I got baptized last year. Since then I've been dedicated to trying to be a good christian. I know we all have doubts at times. And that is perfectly normal. SATAN will come in our weaknesses. When you feel lonely, or the temptation to watch porn. I encourage you to say a prayer. Listen to ELEVATION WORSHIP- DO IT AGAIN. Pray and ask God to guide you. Do you like rap? Listen to KINGDOM MUZIC. Very encouraging music. I hope I can help. Just know you are not the only person going through this. Being a Christian means we need to be prepared spiritual warfare. SATAN will try to tempt us that is why we must wear our armor on correctly he will always throw arrows at us aiming into the cracks of brokenness...

 

[Jurnie]

yeah man all this talk is similar to alot of guys...I'm 19 and a virgin...kinda wanting that first kiss too...but I'm trying so hard to build my self up and my self esteem. ...I'm not proud of things I've done too but I'm trusting God for the best version of me...even when I feel down and undesirable