Dealing with a recent breakup

[dtrofgod03]

It has been 12 days since I was dumped by my ex-bf. It was a particularly hard thing to accept because it came out of nowhere. He brought up issues he had with me that I have never heard of before until that night, and he felt it in his heart that this was God's will. Me on the other hand, thought those issues we had could have been worked through with more effort and with God's help. I am coming to terms with his reasons for the breakup but I am also feeling random bouts of pain from the rejection that someone I cared about doesn't see a future with me. I know it's all part of God's plan and this is God's way of drawing me closer to Himself. I've been spending a lot of time in God's word and in prayer over this, also going to start a new church this Sunday. I guess I just still feel like God was being unfair to me in a way, because I felt that He was telling me to keep working at it, while apparently He told my ex that our relationship is not working on. As much as I am trying to get over the breakup, there's a lot of anger I have towards God for letting me go through this relationship and now this pain. Please, I need some suggestions or something to help me get rid of this anger and unforgiveness.

 

[PrynceNY]

Sorry to hear about your relationship ending I personally don't think you should blame God for that. God doesn't want you to go through pain. God is not double minded. He will not tell you one thing & tell another person the opposite. It's possible he did tell you to work on it & the guy you were with wasn't willing to work on it. I pray for the sake of your ex that he is not using the Lord to get out of the relationship. Yes the Lord wants us all closer to him but considering the issues in the relationship wasn't major & can be corrected I don't see why the Lord would only tell him to end it. If anything he would tell you both to separate. Ask the Lord to take away any anger & bitterness you may have. Holdiing on to bitterness henders a persons growth spiritually.

 

[Ugly]

In my experience 'God told me...' is a cop-out. When I was 18 I asked out my best friend (I got to know her because I liked her). After 9 months of friendship I finally asked and she told me 'God said to wait' and listed some reason. Over time 'God' kept changing His mind as to why we had to wait. And, coincidentally, all of 'God's' reasons exactly matched fears she had shared with me. Eventually she became frustrated with my always asking about us getting together and quit being friends ('God' didn't tell her to do that). She was a solid, sincere Christian.

In more recent times I was getting to know a woman. We were heading towards dating and one day she told me 'God told me I have to walk away'. Long story short, the next day she came back in tears apologizing. We discussed her hearing 'God' and she felt she had heard something but wasn't sure who or what she heard.

My last gf told me God always spoke to her about her boyfriends. All of her previous bfs she was told 'no', but with me she was getting no direction from God. She eventually decided that meant 'no' and dumped me. Even though the truth was she had her own personal reasons and it had nothing to do with 'God'.

If you spend your life believing every time someone says 'God told me' you're going to live a confused and angry existence. Frequently God is used so people can either manipulate others or hide behind the excuse. Your ex-boyfriend changed his mind, for whatever reason.
Breakups always suck. They're always painful and confusing. Often self doubt goes along with it. Introspection, usually with a wrong view of yourself.
If you're going to date, these are the risks. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[dtrofgod03]

Thank you both so much. You are right. God wants His will to be done but He also gave us free will. Another reason my ex-bf gave me was that he needed to fix his relationship with God before he could be in a relationship - which I completely understand. I don't want to hinder someone's spiritual growth. I know that through this break up, my relationship with God will be strengthened as I overcome these irrational feelings of anger towards God. It is so hard though not to have full closure and being stuck with the question of where it went all wrong and whether or not I read the 'signs' correctly. I just wish God could take away all my emotions, my memories and my pain so I can move on already (I know this is not realistic overnight)

 

[88]

Give it all to God----He has someone perfect for you-----praise Him---- it hurts now--- but you will find joy...

 

[songbird768]

First of all, I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry for your pain. I went through a similar situation as you. We were engaged. Had been together for 2.5 years. We were going to get married within less than a year. Then he tells me that the engagement is off and that we shouldn't talk.

It was a very hard thing for me to deal with and I went through a lot of the emotions and thoughts that you are going through now.

I don't want to make you hear about everything that went on. It took me years to get beyond him and to finally let him go. But I will share with you what God taught me through that experience. Then maybe, perhaps you can heal faster than I did.

1. God allows us to go through hardships to teach us lessons that we would not otherwise be able to learn and to use them to grow us into the person that He wants us to be.

2. Redeem your singleness. What seems like a curse, could be, in fact, a wonderful blessing. God is an all-knowing God. His ways are fair beyond our ways. And His thoughts are fair above our thoughts and understanding of things. We can get so focused on the things that are right in front of our faces, dealing with pain, regret, and longing for the things that we have lost that we can't see the whole picture of what God has intended for us. I'm reminded of a story that goes like this:
"There was a little who had a plastic pearl necklace that she loved dearly and wore every day. One day, her father asked her for the necklace, but she loved it so much that she didn't want to part with it. This went on for days. When finally, the little reluctantly handed her father the necklace. It was then that her father pulled out a beautifully wrapped box, wrapped with the finest wrapping paper and a elegant bow. Inside she found a genuine, white pearl necklace."

It may not seem so now, but the Lord does want the best for you. And right now, He is preparing you for it. He is molding you into the person He wants you to be. Who He wants for your future husband. Don't fight it. Rejoice in it. You will not have this time back. Make the most of it. Grow ever closer to the Lord.

Job 1:21 "And he said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.'"

May God's presence be with you in your pain. He is with the brokenhearted.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

 

[mariner845]

In my experience, God brings people into and take people out of our lives for His purpose. You may look back on it years from now and realize how God changed you through that person and why they had to leave for Him to shape you in a different direction.

 

[ChandlerFan]

I'm kind of in the same place as you struggling with the same emotions, so I don't know if I can offer a ton of encouragement, but just want you to know that you're not alone, and I hope someone you find comfort and ease from the pain. That's something I haven't seemed to find yet.

 

[WilloWind]

I'm really sorry for what you're going through.
I have to be honest, this thread is the reason why I decided to join this forum.
I'm going through a pretty bad and confusing break up myself....I keep asking God to help me, calm my heart and soul because it hurts so much.

I wish us humans didn't have to go through things like this...love is so hard and messy and complicated. You dedicate yourself to someone, to building a relationship with that person and then all of a sudden it feels like the ground beneath your feet is just gone.

I pray every day for God to help me.
He listens I know He does, right now I really need His help.