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Hi there!
Sorry this is going to be a bit long!
It's been a little over 6 weeks since I was dumped by my ex-bf who told me he lacked feelings for me (due to issues he had about me and our relationship which he attempted to explain during the break up - quite poorly and without tact, to be honest - but I have forgiven him for the things he said), and no longer saw a future with me. In the heat of the moment, I told him I did not want him to contact me ever again, returned gifts he gave me (because in order to heal I need to remove everything that reminded me of something out of my life) and in turn I said some hurtful things but apologized shortly after. I even made it clear to him that I did not fault him for his lack of feelings for me, but that I was hurt with how he handled the situation. I am close friends with his sister, and she was shocked that I completely wanted to cut him off this way (her and I still are close).
Anyways, I have been spending a lot of time reading the Bible, praying and watching sermons. I can say for sure that this is the upside of being dumped - that my time with God has more than doubled since I was in a relationship. Lately, I watched a couple sermons that really convicted me re: my behaviour in the relationship (e.g. easily offended, overly emotional, poor conflict resolution skills, idolizing my ex). I'm not saying I was an abusive gf, and I acknowledge now that I brought some baggage in the relationship and wasn't necessarily ready for one. I know I'm not ready for another one just yet either.
I am feeling deeply convicted about how I behaved in the relationship - I accept my part to play but I know I am only human and I make mistakes. I'm not saying I was the only reason our relationship failed, he had his issues too but that is outside my control. Lately I have been feeling it in my heart to reach out to him and apologize for what I did in the relationship and perhaps mend that bridge I burned because, after all, he is still a brother in Christ. I am currently praying about that because I want to make sure that I am not doing this out of wanting to get back together (which I admit, crosses my mind time to time), but because I want to do what God tells me to do - which is reconcile with someone who is part of the church family (not romantically, obviously). I am almost certain though that I am not doing this to try to make him take me back because I cannot change his lack of feelings simply by apologizing. Only God can soften his heart if He so wishes.
I guess my question is have other people out there done this? Reached out to your ex and made amends? What do you think about this situation? Would it just be better to let it be, not talk to my ex and use what I learned in a new relationship down the road?
Sorry this is going to be a bit long!
It's been a little over 6 weeks since I was dumped by my ex-bf who told me he lacked feelings for me (due to issues he had about me and our relationship which he attempted to explain during the break up - quite poorly and without tact, to be honest - but I have forgiven him for the things he said), and no longer saw a future with me. In the heat of the moment, I told him I did not want him to contact me ever again, returned gifts he gave me (because in order to heal I need to remove everything that reminded me of something out of my life) and in turn I said some hurtful things but apologized shortly after. I even made it clear to him that I did not fault him for his lack of feelings for me, but that I was hurt with how he handled the situation. I am close friends with his sister, and she was shocked that I completely wanted to cut him off this way (her and I still are close).
Anyways, I have been spending a lot of time reading the Bible, praying and watching sermons. I can say for sure that this is the upside of being dumped - that my time with God has more than doubled since I was in a relationship. Lately, I watched a couple sermons that really convicted me re: my behaviour in the relationship (e.g. easily offended, overly emotional, poor conflict resolution skills, idolizing my ex). I'm not saying I was an abusive gf, and I acknowledge now that I brought some baggage in the relationship and wasn't necessarily ready for one. I know I'm not ready for another one just yet either.
I am feeling deeply convicted about how I behaved in the relationship - I accept my part to play but I know I am only human and I make mistakes. I'm not saying I was the only reason our relationship failed, he had his issues too but that is outside my control. Lately I have been feeling it in my heart to reach out to him and apologize for what I did in the relationship and perhaps mend that bridge I burned because, after all, he is still a brother in Christ. I am currently praying about that because I want to make sure that I am not doing this out of wanting to get back together (which I admit, crosses my mind time to time), but because I want to do what God tells me to do - which is reconcile with someone who is part of the church family (not romantically, obviously). I am almost certain though that I am not doing this to try to make him take me back because I cannot change his lack of feelings simply by apologizing. Only God can soften his heart if He so wishes.
I guess my question is have other people out there done this? Reached out to your ex and made amends? What do you think about this situation? Would it just be better to let it be, not talk to my ex and use what I learned in a new relationship down the road?
Leave the ex alone and get on with your life, and let him take care of his..
