Hi Everyone I'm New here and really don't know how this chat works but hopefully get the hang of it soon, I decided to join this chat because lately I feel like a Soul Journer and although I know I'm not on this walk along it feels that way because I'm really my only support system and it's hard to keep a leveled head trying to do right and live right and be the only one carrying this load of Godly living along, but below details just a little more of my pain.
Let me start by saying sorry this is so long But these are bottled up feelings and I really need to just let it out because it is depressing me.
I'm just ready for a fresh start at life, I just turned 25 a couple of weeks ago, parents are living with ME in my home and i just feel like the life I'm living is the one that the people before me wanted to live out but couldn't do it's being lived through me are because they never had an opportunity to live it themselves.
I was raised Christian btw [it doesn't make me better or perfect just human with flaws & lots of them that needs to be worked on daily]
Anyhow All through life even still I was constantly ministered to by the church that it was my call to PREACH and MINISTER and win souls by doing the work of The Lord and although I love the Lord and preaching and whatnot from time to time, it feels like that was a life that was forced on me rather than one I had to choose, let me break it down a little more.
Growing up I was never really allowed to party, or date, or hangout (not that i had friends to hangout with) my life was basically school and church however that excluded my siblings from doing those thing I couldn't.
And while growing up and getting older I was often afraid to step back and really try to find MY OWN IDENTITY because I was afraid of the judgement and persecution that I would receive from family and the church for forsaking the Call that was so constantly prophesied over me through life.
And It's not that I don't love God or His work, I just feel that my Love for doing ministry would be more authentic if it's was just PRESENTED To me as a choice RATHER THAN that life be Pressured on me.
And not that moving would help because I'm in a position to do so, I often feel if I did move it would give me a start and trying to really figure out who I am and what I want to do, not saying that in trying to move to forsake God, I just want to know God for myself and not by the way others want me to know Him.
I don't know if any of that made sense and I don't know if it's just a self battle or if this is something Else other people in my position experience but I just need to get at least a piece of that off my chest, open for discussion.