For some reason I am still a little sad about my current job situation.
I'm currently "working" as a caregiver to my father. This is where I need to be. And if he works, then I'll basically be in British terms the "controller" of the house. Cleaning, maintenance, upkeep, ect.
Yet for some odd reason, I still feel like I need to be working. Not a 9-5, but even like little jobs online. I'm an artist, so naturally I keep trying to get commission and freelance work online. I've gotten two commissions from family and friends thus far, but that's it.
For some reason, that makes me sad. I'm trying to figure out how to put it into words....but the base feeling I have is sadness. I'm never gonna be able to do art for my work. People will never hire me. I'll never be able to provide for myself.
I think maybe the right label would be....feeling a career-based helplessness? No matter how much I advertise online (and I can only so much because I have no money really) no one is going to see me.
Maybe it goes deeper core issue. I feel ignored by those I would think want my art. Which is anyone. And in this case no one. I have always had separation anxieties and a deep sadness when feeling left out of things. Maybe that's it. I feel left out of being a successful artist. Or at least a used one.
I'm currently "working" as a caregiver to my father. This is where I need to be. And if he works, then I'll basically be in British terms the "controller" of the house. Cleaning, maintenance, upkeep, ect.
Yet for some odd reason, I still feel like I need to be working. Not a 9-5, but even like little jobs online. I'm an artist, so naturally I keep trying to get commission and freelance work online. I've gotten two commissions from family and friends thus far, but that's it.
For some reason, that makes me sad. I'm trying to figure out how to put it into words....but the base feeling I have is sadness. I'm never gonna be able to do art for my work. People will never hire me. I'll never be able to provide for myself.
I think maybe the right label would be....feeling a career-based helplessness? No matter how much I advertise online (and I can only so much because I have no money really) no one is going to see me.
Maybe it goes deeper core issue. I feel ignored by those I would think want my art. Which is anyone. And in this case no one. I have always had separation anxieties and a deep sadness when feeling left out of things. Maybe that's it. I feel left out of being a successful artist. Or at least a used one.
