So after when i first said my sinners prayer i felt great and even though its not necessary completely started denying myself, quit listening to certain kinds of music and kept far from specific movies/videogames i enjoyed in the past. I even went to my local church every time for over a month now, and read my KJV almost every day just because i appreciated being saved.
I felt wonderful, secure.
Recently however i thought back, looked at my past with a more honest and careful view, and realized many more things ive done, which are absolutely horrendous; i dont even want to list them here. Ive broken every commandment, (murder and adultery in my mind) and worse.
Whenever i recently prayed or brought these things before God, It feels that my own mind is working against me and while i pray whispers things like "its already too late" or "yea just keep acting like youre sorry" into my head, completely disrupting me and almost turning me away from praying/believing just because i am so afraid of hell again.
I feel that i, rather than becoming more open to God, grow colder every time i try to pray now.
I can hardly sleep anymore, even just now woke up at about 3 in the morning because of it.
The Lord said whosoever, and i doubt anyone who is truly reprobate would even still care about God, but honestly i often tell myself that i am.
Jesus said that certain devils can only be cast out by fasting/prayer but even that does not seem to help.
What do you suggest i do? I cant just give up hope and i wanna be able to talk to God again, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ without my own mind telling me otherwise.
I felt wonderful, secure.
Recently however i thought back, looked at my past with a more honest and careful view, and realized many more things ive done, which are absolutely horrendous; i dont even want to list them here. Ive broken every commandment, (murder and adultery in my mind) and worse.
Whenever i recently prayed or brought these things before God, It feels that my own mind is working against me and while i pray whispers things like "its already too late" or "yea just keep acting like youre sorry" into my head, completely disrupting me and almost turning me away from praying/believing just because i am so afraid of hell again.
I feel that i, rather than becoming more open to God, grow colder every time i try to pray now.
I can hardly sleep anymore, even just now woke up at about 3 in the morning because of it.
The Lord said whosoever, and i doubt anyone who is truly reprobate would even still care about God, but honestly i often tell myself that i am.
Jesus said that certain devils can only be cast out by fasting/prayer but even that does not seem to help.
What do you suggest i do? I cant just give up hope and i wanna be able to talk to God again, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ without my own mind telling me otherwise.