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S
Hey patty, My name is Mari.
Thank you so much for replying, i was starting to feel like i would never have anyone to talk to....
I got married about a Year ago...We love each other very much but we are practically killing each other. We lost all our friend and i rarely get to see my family, we see his every day since he lost his Job and we had to move in with them. It has been so tough, when we argue, everyone is always on his side and i am left so alone. And if i leave him, i just miss him so much and come right back. I have so much to say but i don't even know where to start. I have been going crazy the past couple days i don't know where to turn.
Thank you so much for replying, i was starting to feel like i would never have anyone to talk to....
I got married about a Year ago...We love each other very much but we are practically killing each other. We lost all our friend and i rarely get to see my family, we see his every day since he lost his Job and we had to move in with them. It has been so tough, when we argue, everyone is always on his side and i am left so alone. And if i leave him, i just miss him so much and come right back. I have so much to say but i don't even know where to start. I have been going crazy the past couple days i don't know where to turn.
J
Ok because you want help I'll try to help a bit. I really do understand your situation with your husband. I understand your feeling being alone, with no one by your side when you have a misunderstanding with him. You feel like struggling and feel all alone with no one to lean on. I know how you feel not seeing your family for quite a long time and you miss them. My wife had the same problem too, she had the same experience as you do and it is too late for us I guess but not for the both of you. This things you are experiencing right now is normal, all you need is to have a vacation or holiday a time to cool of and rest a bit. I suggest taking a slightly long vacation to you mum and dad. Let your husband and yourself have a space for sometime. You are both stressed and confused right now I'm sure. You both need space, and while you are away from each other for sometime, pray for your relationship and do something that will help you in your well being. Then when your relaxed and ready to be together again. Then you will be together again.... All you need is a vacation....
J
And important thing, you'r young so is you marriage. This needs maturity, for the both of you. There are still many more problems you'll experience. What is important is that you love each other and are "determined" whatever will happen to hold on to your commitment to each other. Love is not just a feeling, it is a commitment a decision. Do not base your love on feelings only.
S
I really appreciate everything you said. It is really hard for us to take break from each other because when one of us starts missing the other we just find a way to go back to each other. I am sorry to hear that it is to late for you and who your other half was, i do strongly believe that everything is fixable... i just never know how. I try to explain to my husband that we became "one" after getting married and he shouldnt be leaving me "alone" in life, but he just doesnt get it and it makes me question his love a lot. He never wants to be on the phone with me or spend time with "just me" he always wants his family to be around and never spends family time with my family. We do not have any kids and are not expecting any time soon. Its so much going on and we both believe that our relationship will never work but we still want to be together.... Theres jealousy, stubborn, controlling, ignoring, bad mouthing, stepping on, and so much going on between the both of us. I pray and pray and pray for change, but nothing but arguments break out.
J
You really love him, and I think he is same with you. I suggest that you should consult a pastor that has expertise on marriage counseling. I agree what you have said when you got married you became "one" already. I do not want to make any conclusions but your husband "I think" is taking you for granted. Men tend to take their wives for granted, but when there comes a time they are separated from their wife they really missed them and wished they have second chance or something to make it up to their wives. But it should not come to this, he should realize you have feelings too and need. The need to be alone with him, just you together. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24"
Y
theres always going to be problems... big ones and small ones. and i think we all go through that feeling of just breaking up. believe me im dealing with this too. i have a son with my husband and we've been married for a year too. i live with his parents and its the same here. everyone always defends him. i feel you. its hard and i cant wait to be on our own. we both have so much to fix but i just feel like its either his way or nothing. i try to tell him about the things that make me feel bad and its like talking to a wall. im a stay at home mom/wife but only because thats the way he wants it. i feel pathetic. like im not doing what i like to do. i wish i was either working or in school. i LOVE my son but im with him 24 hr 7 days a week. he's such a good kid but i never have my own time. even when my husbands here i dont get a break. its like he enjoyed making him but he's not raising him. we've talked so many times but although he agrees to change and to help he doesnt do it. he wants me to do what he says and i do but he cant do it for me. he has another son from a previous relationship and when his kid is here im the one taking care of him. and he's about to get full custody and i told him that id help him with whatever i can but im pretty much doing his job for him. im the one who tell him hey help me with the kids. its so stressing and i hold in so much ANGER! so when we start fighting i really explode. he tells me i have anger problems and that im crazy and i told him im going to join an anger managment class but he just doesnt seem to change. i tell him it doesnt help the situation when u call me crazy. i suffer from anxiety so i hate when i ask him questions and he gives me the silent treatment. it drives me crazy i cant tolerate it. im scared that one day im going to get a stroke from so much stress. sometimes i tell myself I CANT WAIT TILL GOD TAKES ME OUT OF THIS WORLD!! i dont even cry anymore. i have the knot it my throat but i just dont have the privacy to even cry. i use to be a cutter when i was in grade school and i use to smoke MARIJUANA and sometimes i miss those feelings. i DONT want to kill myself but i remember everytime i would cut my self it would release some tention in a wierd unexplainable way and when i use to get high i would be so happy. thats how i feel when i get my TATTOOS TOO. no pain just release. WHY? i dont want to go back to that lifestyle because im a child of god and i want to make him proud and proof that i could live a pacifistic and joyful life. i always tell my husband to hold my hand like when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. kiss me like when we were bf and gf... talk to me like when we werebf and gf. he's changed so much. i think the reason im still with him is because i still have some hope that things will go bck to how they use to be. ive needed a friend really bad to vent with. im just affraid of the negative feedback. BE GREATFUL FOR WHAT U HAVE BECAUSE THEIRS ALWAYS SOMEONE IN A WORST SITUATION.
A
My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years now and have had struggles of our own. We have lacked the communication that we used to have before we were married as well as other issues that I won't even get into because everyone's situation is different. I just thought I would mention a few things that seem to be working for my wife and myself.
- We took Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" with put us both on the same page for finances, since we have taken this we have not had an argument about money which eases a lot of tension.
- We ensure that we budget and make time for at least one Date Night every month so just the two of US to spend time alone doing something fun. (always something out of the box where we can talk during our date, no movies)
- We spend 30-45 minutes a night before bed doing devotions, praying, and talking. I would also strongly suggest a book called "30-Day Marriage Makeover" by Doug Weiss. That book has taught us how to have better communication and ultimately a better intimate relationship. I am not just saying a sexually intimate relationship but also a spiritual and emotional relationship. Having a spiritual and emotional relationship will make everything else even better.
I pray that the Lord will help your marriage become strengthened, repaired and that as one unity you and your spouse will see many blessings come into your lives. May God's glory fill your lives and that you will over come any stumbling blocks that may lay ahead of you. I pray that the Lord will be the center of your marriage and that your marriage will be a cord of three strands that will remain unbreakable, in Jesus name. Amen.
I don't know if we are allowed to put links in here but I am going to anyways, so you can check out that book if you want. 30-Day Marriage Makeover by Doug Weiss, PhD
- We took Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" with put us both on the same page for finances, since we have taken this we have not had an argument about money which eases a lot of tension.
- We ensure that we budget and make time for at least one Date Night every month so just the two of US to spend time alone doing something fun. (always something out of the box where we can talk during our date, no movies)
- We spend 30-45 minutes a night before bed doing devotions, praying, and talking. I would also strongly suggest a book called "30-Day Marriage Makeover" by Doug Weiss. That book has taught us how to have better communication and ultimately a better intimate relationship. I am not just saying a sexually intimate relationship but also a spiritual and emotional relationship. Having a spiritual and emotional relationship will make everything else even better.
I pray that the Lord will help your marriage become strengthened, repaired and that as one unity you and your spouse will see many blessings come into your lives. May God's glory fill your lives and that you will over come any stumbling blocks that may lay ahead of you. I pray that the Lord will be the center of your marriage and that your marriage will be a cord of three strands that will remain unbreakable, in Jesus name. Amen.
I don't know if we are allowed to put links in here but I am going to anyways, so you can check out that book if you want. 30-Day Marriage Makeover by Doug Weiss, PhD
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S
It has been such a long time since i felt... i don't know, cared about emotionally. Every time i have gone for help, the most people give me is 2-3 sentences and then tell me good luck. I have read all this, have a smile on my face, and feel like God is watching over me.... I am so suprised at the things that were written and the advice given, "you" took a few minutes of your time for me. I did not expect that at all. I will definetely keep in mind things that were said, I will surely take a look into that book "30-Day marriage makeover" and i will remind my husband of the Genesis verse.... i also forgot that one, and maybe that can start a conversation about our relationship. It is so hard to have a conversation with him that isn't about money, movies, or food. Well, thanks everyone, -Mari
J
Well Mari, we all have problems and the good thing is there are many fellow Christians here in this website who cares and prays for you, just share your problems and prayer requests here. I'll keep on praying for you and I hope that your husband will have the wisdom and understanding. God holds the men accountable in family problems. And men should understand, love and take care of their wife. Also the wife should respect the husband. That's all I can say. May God bless us all.