Please Help me, relationship advice, need godly counsel.

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T

traciconfused

Guest
#1
#1
Hello, I'm Traci, I'm nineteen, a strong believer in Jesus, and i need help and counsel BADLY.
I am torn in two directions, here is my problem:


I got married at eighteen to a man who I loved very much. We were married for six months, and then after leaving my family and moving across the country to Seattle WA with him, he left me.
I was heartbroken.
I moved home to Colorado to be near my family.
I stayed in Colorado a grand total of three days before God gave me this strange and very clear message to move. Its a long story but eventually, I ended up in South Carolina, and fell in love with a new and amazing guy.
We stayed together for about six months, when I decided a relationship was unhealthy until my divorce was legally finalized, and also I needed to get to know myself better and go to school.
I moved back to Colorado, and started school.
The thing is, after moving back home, I formed bad connections, fell in to bad temptations, and realized I was not doing well being single.
then in the midst of all of this my husband changed his mind and decided he wanted to stay married. Also, at the same time (the same day actually) the new guy told me he couldn't be without me and started begging me to come back.

I care very much about South Carolina boy, he is sweet, caring, protective funny, everything I could want and perfect for me.
My husband has also changed, he is working hard, feels horrible about leaving (says he got cold feet) and wants to go to counseling and fix things.

I want to be with south carolina boy
I feel like i should morally be with my husband.

I cant just give up both, I already tried, it was a disaster.
This post is a mess and is probably a stupid attempt at finding help, but I need to decide because the inner turmoil is driving me mad and I don't know where else to turn.
any advice or words from the lord would help,
seriously anything.
k sorry for this weird post, thankyou.
 
T

traciconfused

Guest
#2
#2
oh please someone reply to this lol....
 
E

EnlightenedInsanity

Banned
#3
Oct 14, 2011
18
0
0
#3
You took the vows. If your husband is back in the game, then you should be trying to get in line with it. It may wind up a disaster in the end but maybe it will be a learning experience for you. The way I see it is that God is testing your faithfulness to your husband. If you turn from him and go to this SC guy, what would your vows with this new guy mean to you? Those vows are serious business and this country has made an absolute mockery of it. I suggest you pray really hard about this and see if it is revealed to you.
 
T

traciconfused

Guest
#4
#4
I agree! but then comes the complicated stuff, for instance, my husband has now slept with other people? I have not... its confusing. I forgive him and care about him as a person, but no matter how hard I try, can't get those feelings I used to have back...
 
Henry_YZ

Henry_YZ

Banned
#5
Jul 13, 2009
152
4
0
#5
I think you should put your marriage first. Marriage is somehow a sacred bond and should be worked through. But if anything gives you second thoughts about your marriage, then maybe you married the wrong guy. But I do advice you to take your time to do things, if you want to take your time and be with your husband then good; but if you decide to separate from your husband, then don't run into another guy's arms. Rushing from guy to guy is the worst thing you can do and I think right now you should focus in keeping a steady life. You have to finish school, settle down in a place to live. Life is more than just being with a guy and being single isn't bad, ask the Lord for strength so you don't fall into temptations.
I hope everything goes well for you, God bless you.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#6
#6
Poor thing! (not intending to sound like a pity party here.)

EnlightenedInsanity said:
You took the vows. If your husband is back in the game, then you should be trying to get in line with it. It may wind up a disaster in the end but maybe it will be a learning experience for you. The way I see it is that God is testing your faithfulness to your husband. If you turn from him and go to this SC guy, what would your vows with this new guy mean to you? Those vows are serious business and this country has made an absolute mockery of it. I suggest you pray really hard about this and see if it is revealed to you.
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I agree. While you could probably scrounge up some messages from the Old Testament that point to the fact that he committed adultery and it's now more acceptable for you to pursue your newer love interest, I find it more plausible that God could be testing you in your marriage and seeing if you'll stay true to your vows. Your marriage is more sacred and holy than your endearing feelings toward South Carolina boy.

It's possible that if you attempt to reconnect with your husband, those old feelings may resurface - for each of you. It is also possible that they may not, the divorce may eventually be finalized, but the fact that you attempted to salvage the marriage will please God, and your relationship with SC boy - or even someone else - will flourish beyond your expectations.

My advice; first attempt to save your marriage. You have already completed step 1: forgiveness. Take the next step and see what direction it takes you in.
 
S

showgrace

Guest
#8
#8
traci what i would say to you is take it to GODS WORD what the LORD says about this about divorce . As christians we worship the FATHER in spirit and in truth which is GODS WORD.Sometimes brothers and sisters want to pray about something about what they should do when all along its in GODS WORD.Not about how we feel are flesh is sinful we are not to heed to its desires but to the SPIRIT OF GOD so its not about how we feel but about what the LORD says in his word You see traci the LORD says i know the plans i have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you not to harm you but to give you hope and a future he knows tommorro so we can trust in his plan he knows whats good for us because he knows the future we dont .we only see today but he sees beyond that so listen to the LORD let him speak to you in his WORD when it comes to marriagenot my oppion or any others but listen to HIM may the LORD BLESS YOU my sister in CHRIST
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#9
#9
traciconfused said:
Hello, I'm Traci, I'm nineteen, a strong believer in Jesus, and i need help and counsel BADLY.
I am torn in two directions, here is my problem:


I got married at eighteen to a man who I loved very much. We were married for six months, and then after leaving my family and moving across the country to Seattle WA with him, he left me.
I was heartbroken.
I moved home to Colorado to be near my family.
I stayed in Colorado a grand total of three days before God gave me this strange and very clear message to move. Its a long story but eventually, I ended up in South Carolina, and fell in love with a new and amazing guy.
We stayed together for about six months, when I decided a relationship was unhealthy until my divorce was legally finalized, and also I needed to get to know myself better and go to school.
I moved back to Colorado, and started school.
The thing is, after moving back home, I formed bad connections, fell in to bad temptations, and realized I was not doing well being single.
then in the midst of all of this my husband changed his mind and decided he wanted to stay married. Also, at the same time (the same day actually) the new guy told me he couldn't be without me and started begging me to come back.

I care very much about South Carolina boy, he is sweet, caring, protective funny, everything I could want and perfect for me.
My husband has also changed, he is working hard, feels horrible about leaving (says he got cold feet) and wants to go to counseling and fix things.

I want to be with south carolina boy
I feel like i should morally be with my husband.

I cant just give up both, I already tried, it was a disaster.
This post is a mess and is probably a stupid attempt at finding help, but I need to decide because the inner turmoil is driving me mad and I don't know where else to turn.
any advice or words from the lord would help,
seriously anything.
k sorry for this weird post, thankyou.
Click to expand...
May I suggest that you not be in a relationship with either of them for awhile, at least until you have given yourself time and are acting out of godly wisdom rather than emotions? You have some healing that needs to take place.

If your husband is serious about getting back with you, he will wait and wait FAITHFULLY. This will give you both time to see if you really think it will work out. Bottom line, you say he has broken his vows and committed adultery, but God really does hate divorce. I think it would give you peace to give it a shot once you have calmed down emotionally. And your husband needs some time to mull over the damage he has done. You don't cherish a wife by abandoning her. He needs to earn your respect and trust. Marriage is not a game. He needs to learn that right now.

Don't rush into any decision right now. I can tell from reading your post that you need time to digest all of this without being pressured by anyone. Pray...pray...pray...and pray some more.
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#10
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#10
traciconfused said:
I agree! but then comes the complicated stuff, for instance, my husband has now slept with other people? I have not... its confusing. I forgive him and care about him as a person, but no matter how hard I try, can't get those feelings I used to have back...
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Read the book of Hosea, Traci. God told him to accept his wife back, but I also think that you are allowed to leave an adulterous spouse. I just don't think that in God's bookk you are allowed to remarry after you leave. And of course God will allow you to do whatever you want, but he doesn't have to approve of it. So you are wise to tread lightly. This situation is difficult and your husband has sinned against both you and God. If you divorce him, I just don't think you should remarry. So choose wisely and cautiously. In the end, God can heal all wounds and he can restore anyone to happiness. So whatever choice you make make it for God.
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#11
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#11
Jullianna said:
May I suggest that you not be in a relationship with either of them for awhile, at least until you have given yourself time and are acting out of godly wisdom rather than emotions? You have some healing that needs to take place.

If your husband is serious about getting back with you, he will wait and wait FAITHFULLY. This will give you both time to see if you really think it will work out. Bottom line, you say he has broken his vows and committed adultery, but God really does hate divorce. I think it would give you peace to give it a shot once you have calmed down emotionally. And your husband needs some time to mull over the damage he has done. You don't cherish a wife by abandoning her. He needs to earn your respect and trust. Marriage is not a game. He needs to learn that right now.

Don't rush into any decision right now. I can tell from reading your post that you need time to digest all of this without being pressured by anyone. Pray...pray...pray...and pray some more.
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I agree. If I weren't a Christian I'd suggest giving him a swift kick in the nuts for good measure. What he did is inexcusable. But what we've done to Christ should also soften our hearts to others' sins. You need time to grieve and to discuss this issue with him.
 
R

Ronin

Guest
#12
#12
YOU ARE 19!!!!! Look its obvious you have no idea what you want but this isnt the best thing for you. Do not think in the now believe that there is a life ahead of you and you need to figure out that getting hitched at such a young age and then finding another man before you are divorced from the first. It smacks of someone who needs to be alone figure things out GROW UP and find your place in this world as the song goes. Then when you are mature in mind body and spirit then ask God for the man you need in your life and then you can and will find the love you need.... JMHO..
 
B

Brandon777

Guest
#13
#13
According to the Holy Bible it's up to you. If you don't love the first guy any more than you are free to divorce him and go to the North Carolina guy. That's because Jesus said that divorce is a sin unless for adultery.

By the way, it's not a weird post, people have questions seeking this kind of advice all the time.
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#14
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#14
Brandon777 said:
According to the Holy Bible it's up to you. If you don't love the first guy any more than you are free to divorce him and go to the North Carolina guy. That's because Jesus said that divorce is a sin unless for adultery.

By the way, it's not a weird post, people have questions seeking this kind of advice all the time.
Click to expand...
I don't think that God says you can divorce and remarry, because that is explained as adultery. So the question is: if he's committed adultery against her, do two wrongs make a right? I do think she has the option of divorce, but I have to caution about remarrying unless her spouse is dead. I think this issue is complex only because our society has gotten away from the Bible. If we lived in a Biblical society then God's rules would be understood and taken for granted. But now we need to study them and make sure we're doing what is right. If you can give us Scripture that says that you can divorce and remarry without it being adultery then I would like that much better.

How I would handle this situation, after pulling all of my hair out, would be to keep my wife, tell her that I'm not going to have relations with her for at least a month, and then after that try to continue as normally as possible in our marriage. If she kept flirting with other men I would separate myself from her and let her file for divorce, and then I'd probably be alone the rest of my physical life and pray for strength and search the Bible.
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#15
#15
traci:

you sound emotionally clinging and confused. you need to get your relationship with GOD on track and everything else will fall into place. from the sound of it you spend more time obsessing over men and what they think of you then you do in prayer and heartfelt contemplation on what GOD thinks of you and what HE wants you to do. IF you prayed and understood GOD's Love for you and trust completely in Him and His ways., you could say that you can stand alone against anything with out a man because you have GOD on your side, but since you feel the need for a man to complete you that reveals a lack of faith and focus upon GOD and your own personal relationship with HIM. It takes a level of maturity on all parts to be able to make a marriage work with either party.

You have to be willing to love the other person no matter what, even if leaving is the best way to show that love. even if not being with them is the healthiest most loving solution. you have to decided who does GOD tell you that you should be with? its not about what YOU want or what any of us says YOU should do but what GOD places in your heart with out a doubt WHAT YOU should do.

as I see it you have three options.

1. spend time alone with just YOU and GOD for a while

2. try to work things out with your husband and go to counselling and see if there really is a future for both of you, if the guy in SC is genuine then he will wait for you to figure out your feelings for your husband because you married the guy and if your vows mean so little to one person, then why would they mean anything more if you gave them to another? it is better if you figured out what it all means before you rush into another relationship. at least that is what I think on this option.

3. don't listen to either of the first two options and chase after the guy in SC who you've only known for less then a year. sorry but I don't think this is wise but in the end it is your life and between you and God. it doesn't matter what I think but what GOD reveals to you.

here are some scripture verses about Marriage:

1 Corinthians 7:10-12
New King James Version (NKJV)
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.

1 Corinthians 7:39
A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Ephesians 5:28
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

 
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