The book "Wild at Heart" and the whole healing thing.

[icantthinkofanickname]

Hey,
so I've recently been reading the book "Wild at heart" which was recommended by a friend. It's about becoming a man and all that. The book has done a great job of pointing out how messed up I am, and I was kind of looking forward to the chapter called 'healing the wound.' I've finished reading that chapter, and it didn't so much as explain how to heal the wound, as it did pointing out how messed up I am and how much I need to be healed. At the end of the chapter he urged to go and get help to be healed. I don't know what to do or how to get help. He mentioned this help can only come from an older male, but it seems I'm just a disappointment in that area. Very few older men actually like me, as I'm a disappointment to most. My dad was violent and abusive, and was involved in a cult. He left when I was in high school, because I was too much of a disappointment for him and I haven't seen him since, so I can't go to him for help. I know that God can get me through this and I've been praying like crazy, but idk where to go or what to do. Has anyone read this book and got help and healed from this stuff? Any advice would be awesome.
Thank you!

 

[Ugly]

hey
So yeah, i've read that book, its mostly a good book. I want to get right into something you said though. That you were 'too much of a disappointment' for your dad. I know this will be hard to accept, but fact is, thats not true. No, i don't know you, don't know your dad. But i do know that if he was violent and abusive HE was the problem not you. One of the tricks of abusers is to make the victim feel the abuse is their fault. Its simply not. Your dad choose to act the way he did. And quite possibly was treated the same way.
Really, the problem isn't so much that you are a disappointment to older men. Its that few older men care about mentoring younger men anymore. And on top if it i believe there is a greater divide between the younger and older now than there was in the past. Younger people now think they're older and more mature than they really are because they get exposed to so much at a younger age, when in reality they seem less mature and more caught up in games and things that don't allow them to mature as much.
As far as the healing, you may want to look into some professional counseling, and also see if you can get some spiritual counseling from your pastor. Or, ideally perhaps a Christian counselor. Also some steps you can take is learning about abusers and their victims and the effects it has on a person, so that you can learn the truth about your situation growing up. There's a lot you can find online, and i'm sure plenty of books as well.
I have not been in your situation. but i have talked with and tried to help a number of women (spousal abuse) who have beeen in abusive situations. I'm not an expert, but i have some idea on it all. I've used the internet to research abuse and suggest you do the same. Understanding the patterns common in abusers and the reason why can help you cope and deal with some of the damage dealt to you. Also, understanding whats normal for the victim can do the same. Key is, be willing to accept what you read. Don't say 'well my situation was different because...' because its not. Read it, apply it, accept it.
Anyways, i hope this helped some.