S
This post is going to be a lot of ranting, just warning you right off the bat.
My sophomore and junior years of high school were terrible.
My sophomore year began perfectly, I was captain of the JV Cheer Squad, I was promoted to varsity almost instantly, my two best friends were on the squad with me, and I had a boyfriend.
I came back from winter break single, and friendless. I'm not sure what happened with my friends at the time, except that they had decided that they hated me, and the rest of the cheer squad wasn't much nicer. I made it through the spring semester of my sophomore year with poor grades, and no friends.
I had a boyfriend that summer, and high hopes for my junior year.
He dumped me the first day of school.
I met my best friend shortly after, and she helped numb a lot of my pain.
My two "best friends" from the year before were maliciously spreading rumors about me, but this was nothing new. People have never liked me. They hate the way I look, the way I talk, who I am. I'm used to it.
I met a boy, who had a girlfriend. He dumped her to be with me. She decided to make my life worse, by bullying me everyday of my Junior year. She spit on me, tripped me in the halls, photoshopped my body onto a pig, and spray painted the "C" word across my locker. My life was fine, despite the bullying though. I had Jesus, one friend, and a boyfriend. I felt less lonely. That summer he moved, but we vowed to make the distance work. That's when things changed. He became emotionally and mentally abusive. He would scream at me, call me awful names, and threaten to kill himself if I ever left him. I was confused and unhappy.
That summer, my best friend introduced me to a group of three boys. We were all 5 glued at the hip. I was so unhappy though, in my relationship, and it was dragging me down, but I was so afraid to leave. I became best friends with one of the boys who lived down the street. We'd have sleep overs, and watch disney movies, and stargaze and drink tea. My bf at the time had no idea, but this guy and I were nothing more than friends. Until one day in his kitchen, we kissed.
I had cheated, and I felt filthy. But I was still afraid to leave.
I kept things going with my ex til September, and at this point, cheating became a regular thing. I was being abused, and he had a full grip on me, even three hours away. One night, I finally just cut him off. I stopped returning phone calls, texts, blocked him on facebook. I was free.
I had a few more friends, though I had lost the group of guys from the summer. Bridges were burned once they found out I had cheated on my boyfriend with one of their best friends and I was being called quite a few filthy names in and around the music scene of my home town.
In November, I met who I thought was my dream man. We had a perfect relationship until a couple months ago when his roommate through me into a wall. This same roommate also kicked the dog that my ex and I had adopted together. My ex dumped me ubruptly about a month ago. I handled it well, all in all, considering I thought he was the man of my dreams. I found out later that our entire relationship had been a lie, and I was one of about three girlfriends he had.
Summer 2011 I began starving myself for long periods of time and went from a size 12 to a size 6.
I still struggle with this daily, and restrict and count my calories.
I still only have a handful of friends.
I still get called horrid names everyday of my life, and get told that I'm fat, ugly, stupid, annoying, and weird by people who I thought were my friends.
I feel like I can't escape it anymore, and I feel really lost.
I am seeing someone new, and it's nothing too serious, but he's heard a lot of the awful rumors about me and I don't want them affecting a possible relationship. I don't know why I'm telling all of you all of this, but I feel like if I don't get it out, I'm going to explode.
I can't even make any new friends here becos everyone listens to what's said about me everywhere else, and doesn't bother to get to know me. But, what bothers me the most is that everyone seems to think I'm ugly.
I'm just having a really bad night, and I feel really alone, and I'm sitting here at the computer screen sobbing and if nobody reads this, I won't blame them, becos it won't be any different than the rest of my life.
And if anyone says "oh, you're just young" or ANYTHING about my age for that mattter, I'm going to be seriously miffed. Feelings are feelings. Regardless of if I'm 17 or 70. Please respect that.
*PHEW*
My sophomore and junior years of high school were terrible.
My sophomore year began perfectly, I was captain of the JV Cheer Squad, I was promoted to varsity almost instantly, my two best friends were on the squad with me, and I had a boyfriend.
I came back from winter break single, and friendless. I'm not sure what happened with my friends at the time, except that they had decided that they hated me, and the rest of the cheer squad wasn't much nicer. I made it through the spring semester of my sophomore year with poor grades, and no friends.
I had a boyfriend that summer, and high hopes for my junior year.
He dumped me the first day of school.
I met my best friend shortly after, and she helped numb a lot of my pain.
My two "best friends" from the year before were maliciously spreading rumors about me, but this was nothing new. People have never liked me. They hate the way I look, the way I talk, who I am. I'm used to it.
I met a boy, who had a girlfriend. He dumped her to be with me. She decided to make my life worse, by bullying me everyday of my Junior year. She spit on me, tripped me in the halls, photoshopped my body onto a pig, and spray painted the "C" word across my locker. My life was fine, despite the bullying though. I had Jesus, one friend, and a boyfriend. I felt less lonely. That summer he moved, but we vowed to make the distance work. That's when things changed. He became emotionally and mentally abusive. He would scream at me, call me awful names, and threaten to kill himself if I ever left him. I was confused and unhappy.
That summer, my best friend introduced me to a group of three boys. We were all 5 glued at the hip. I was so unhappy though, in my relationship, and it was dragging me down, but I was so afraid to leave. I became best friends with one of the boys who lived down the street. We'd have sleep overs, and watch disney movies, and stargaze and drink tea. My bf at the time had no idea, but this guy and I were nothing more than friends. Until one day in his kitchen, we kissed.
I had cheated, and I felt filthy. But I was still afraid to leave.
I kept things going with my ex til September, and at this point, cheating became a regular thing. I was being abused, and he had a full grip on me, even three hours away. One night, I finally just cut him off. I stopped returning phone calls, texts, blocked him on facebook. I was free.
I had a few more friends, though I had lost the group of guys from the summer. Bridges were burned once they found out I had cheated on my boyfriend with one of their best friends and I was being called quite a few filthy names in and around the music scene of my home town.
In November, I met who I thought was my dream man. We had a perfect relationship until a couple months ago when his roommate through me into a wall. This same roommate also kicked the dog that my ex and I had adopted together. My ex dumped me ubruptly about a month ago. I handled it well, all in all, considering I thought he was the man of my dreams. I found out later that our entire relationship had been a lie, and I was one of about three girlfriends he had.
Summer 2011 I began starving myself for long periods of time and went from a size 12 to a size 6.
I still struggle with this daily, and restrict and count my calories.
I still only have a handful of friends.
I still get called horrid names everyday of my life, and get told that I'm fat, ugly, stupid, annoying, and weird by people who I thought were my friends.
I feel like I can't escape it anymore, and I feel really lost.
I am seeing someone new, and it's nothing too serious, but he's heard a lot of the awful rumors about me and I don't want them affecting a possible relationship. I don't know why I'm telling all of you all of this, but I feel like if I don't get it out, I'm going to explode.
I can't even make any new friends here becos everyone listens to what's said about me everywhere else, and doesn't bother to get to know me. But, what bothers me the most is that everyone seems to think I'm ugly.
I'm just having a really bad night, and I feel really alone, and I'm sitting here at the computer screen sobbing and if nobody reads this, I won't blame them, becos it won't be any different than the rest of my life.
And if anyone says "oh, you're just young" or ANYTHING about my age for that mattter, I'm going to be seriously miffed. Feelings are feelings. Regardless of if I'm 17 or 70. Please respect that.
*PHEW*
