I need some guidance about my relationship

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1

17cherry

Guest
#1
#1
I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and nearly 4 months, I'm 20 and he's 27. I love him to pieces, we lived together for 6 months before he had to move to another city. He doesn't ever let me pay for things, and he always takes me oujt to nice places. I lost my virginity to him. We have had so many memories, and we have our own routines and I adore him.. but recently we've been having fights and they have been getting violent, like he throws water in my face and pushes me off the bed.
But a few days ago we had the worst fight we've ever had, he pushed me off the bed and I hurt myself against a chest of drawers, and then I started crying. He told me to stop crying, and when I couldn't, he threw a glass of water in my face. I got so angry that I threw one back at him (the other times I didn't retaliate, I just cried.) and I slapped him. I think I might have scratched him too because he has a scratch mark on his face =( He called me stuff, and I said some nasty things back to him.
I told my parents about it last night, and they said I should break up with him, because I can't just be in a relationship where I get abused.
It's just that I feel like I always start the fights, and maybe if I tried not t then it would be ok? And I love him so much, but deep down I think I know I should end it with him. It's just so hard =(
I haven't been living like how I should as a Christian, and I know that living with someone before marriage and sex before marriage is a sin =( I just need some help please..
 
M

murraymuzz

Guest
#2
#2
Well, i can tell you it wont be easy to leave, i know for myself, but sometimes we have to have courage to let go of the things most dear to us, so that we may grow and become stronger for it. I believe i understand how you feel, that you cant imagine a life without him, that you would be lost without him. I can only encourage you to pray and divert your mind away from him and towards god, and if you leave it with god, everything will work out for you. But again i know the hardest thing in life is to let go of people we love, but believe me, sometimes it is nesscary. When i had to let go of someone it was brutal, i missed her so much it hurt, i was angry all the time at everyone around me, but time heals and i was able to focus on god more, and looking back i see that i needed to go through the pain, and now i dont regret leaving, it was one of many life experiences to come.
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#3
#3
Cherry, it sounds like you already know some good first steps, i.e. get back to God, rededicate your life to Him in love, repentance, and obedience. Spend time with other Christians. (I feel that's really important.)

I agree with your parents that you should NOT be in an abusive relationship, whether it's emotional, verbal, or physical. No matter who starts it, it's not healthy. I think sometimes it's hard to break off a relationship that's endured for as long as yours has, because it's sort of like "the devil you know", if you know what I mean. Even though it's bad, it's comfortable in some ways, and it's the known, and as humans we tend to fear, or at least dislike, the unknown.

My best advice is to make it a clean break. I've just personally found I'm liable to hang myself on any ties that remain. :(
I completely understand how hard it will be, honey, but God is with you! He can and will give you the strength to do what He wants you to do! Draw near to Him; seek His will; delight yourself in Him. Make Him your focall point rather than your bf.

The Lord loves you tenderly, compassionately, and jealously. You will be in my prayers, dear heart!
 
D

dishchat

Guest
#4
#4
threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecc 4 vs 12.
I think you should abandoned yourself unto God's hand. It is obvious that you sin against God and now you are paying the conscequences Like David who pay for having committed adultary and lost his child even he fasted for several days.

I request you to repent and if he continue to kick you like that, put a police case on him because he has no right to kick you like that. But if he repent, then marry him and let God be in the center of your couple. If God is in the center of your couple then you'll get victory on that situation.
 
Jilly81

Jilly81

Senior Member
#5
Jan 16, 2011
2,365
136
63
#5
In general I agree with the other posters, though I would like to say that you can't trust yourself to know whether or not he's repented (referring to dishchat's second paragraph); in the situation you're in, you would probably think that he had repented even if he hadn't, because you want to make things work. PLEASE leave; it will be easiest, probably, to move in with your parents, and I appreciate the fact that you said that you know that you haven't been living like a Christian; I was afraid you were going to end by blaming God or something :). Ask Jesus to forgive you for what you've done. Ask Him to cover this sin and all your sins under His blood. He'll be more than happy to do so. That's why He came to Earth; to rescue you. You may still have struggles in this situation; sin has consequences, and all your problems probably won't immediately go away. Ask Him to help you start living for Him now :). I've prayed for you, and I hope that you start making some really good decisions :).
 
1

17cherry

Guest
#6
#6
Thank you everyone for all your encouraging words, I think I owe it to myself to leave him. It is wrong to be treated like this, and I know God would never want this path for me. I'm sure He is so sad to have seen me go down this road and I desperately want to start again. I don't deserve to be treated like this, and it's not the first time it's happened :( I am glad that God has given me family and friends who support me, and when I prayed about it before, to ask what I should do, His answer is very clear, through what everyone is saying to me. I'm glad He is protecting me now.
Thank you all again, and thank you for your prayers. I hope I can be strong and get through this, God willing.
 
Jilly81

Jilly81

Senior Member
#7
Jan 16, 2011
2,365
136
63
#7
I'm so glad to read your last post, Cherry :). I hope this verse helps:

Isaiah 26:3
King James Version (KJV)
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Keep looking to Jesus and obeying Him, and He'll help you :).
 
S

Sideburns

Guest
#8
#8
God is so good to us, even when we do wrong willingly. God will and is faithful and just to forgive us our sins if we confess them to him and ask for forgiveness, so be at peace my sister knowing that he has indeed forgiven you BUT be aware of this, "While God forgives sins, it doesnt mean he removes the consequences. The choices we make to sin inflict wounds upon us. The wounds are the consequences. Even when we are forgiven- even when the wounds are healed- the scars will still remain." These are some quotes from Samuel Pipim's book entitled Healed Wounds but Ugly scars Choices and Consequences, You like many if not all of us have made a bad choice. You choose to Live with your boyfriend KNOWING that it was wrong according to the bible, Im not here to Judge or condemn you because I have no power nor the right to do either but it is my prayer that you may see the error of your ways according to the bible that you may repent and ask for Gods mercy and I assure you my sister I do this only out of love. but still, Here you are with a man, unmarried and having sex. Sowing to your flesh, so now you have the fruit of your labor, You want help? Go to the only one who can help, all we can do is cousel and give advice that we ourselves were given by God, Please, Dont be discourged but encourged! Let God get the glory out of this situation that you may be a witness of his love for us, Pray that God will offer you a way of escape and take it! dont hesitate because of your lust or Your feelings, they will hinder you, and cause you to fall, walk by faith my sister, IF it is the Lords will you guys will continue to be together and get married but if it be not, then don't refuse Gods will on your life, with that, Peace and blessings
 
jonathanbchristian

jonathanbchristian

Banned
#9
Feb 16, 2011
2,957
24
0
#9
God will forgive you if you ask. I take it that your boyfriend is not a Christian. If you want to be a Christian you should marry another Christian.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#10
#10
See, you're showing typical signs of victim mentality. 'If i didn't do xxxx... he wouldn't get so upset and yell/hit.' Fact is, no matter how hard you try to make him happy, he's going to still find a reason. Thats what abusers do. They seek out chances to let loose. Then tell you its your fault. Don't buy into it. Fact is he is an abusive person. I don't care how good he treats you any other time. If he pushes you, insults you, hits you, calls you names, throws water in your fact... he is a bad person. Period. Dump this waste of humanity, root him out of ever aspect of your life, and don't allow him back in, in any way shape or form. You're better than to allow anyone to treat you like that.

And in case you're wondering, yes i do know what i'm talking about. I have talked with and in an amateurish sense, counseled a number of women from abusive relationships. I've also done some personal research on the topic.
 
1

17cherry

Guest
#11
#11
Yes, I know I have sinned and I have prayed to God about it and asked for help. Of course my heartbreak involved with my sins will come naturally, and I know that's the price I'll have to pay. But no matter what I did, I do not deserve to be with an abusive person. I know recognise that I have been developing a victims mentality and it's now very clear it's a case of domestic violence. Thank you for all the support
 
W

Wesley

Guest
#12
#12
Someone who truly loves you will not treat you in such a demeaning manner.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#13
#13
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
 
1

17cherry

Guest
#14
#14
Hi everyone, again thank for all your guidance and help. I have finally emailed him to end it with him (he wasn't picking up his phone, and I don't feel its safe for me to see him) so it's over now. I thank God that I am able to get out of it with only heartbreak and nothing more serious, He is truly protecting me. My dad prayed for me just now, I'm so lucky to have all the support I do from my family and friends.
 
S

SpaceCowboy

Guest
#15
#15
Leave him and repent.
 
W

Wesley

Guest
#16
#16
Ugly said:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Click to expand...
My favorite passage in the Bible. Paul hits the nail on the head with this.
 
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