what are some personal standards you have for who you choose to be friends with and what are some things that would cause you to (or have caused you to) break the friendship off?
* have you been on the receiving end of a friendship dump that HAD an explanation that was shared with you?
* have you been on the receiving end of a friendship dump that the person just cut it off without telling you why?
* do you ever dump friends without explanation?
if so, when? do you have set stipulations for doing so?
* do you ever dump friends with an explanation?
if so, when?
for me. i tend to cut people out a lot. i don't know if that means i am impatient and i don't love well. or bc i meet most of them online and it simply takes time to feed through who is really a worthy friend, OR bc i have high standards for who i fellowship with. i know at the end of the day we are supposed to forgive. as we are all fallen humans and we will all disappoint each other repeatedly. i know it's foolish to cut off friendships based on simple offenses or miscommunications or mistakes or bad moods. that doesn't mean i haven't done that, but i know it's irrational and wrong.
i also tend to take into account several factors when i consider booting someone out of my life.
the biggest one is personality. in the amount of time i have known them, does what i know of their personality mesh with mine? or does it just clash. and i do have some relationships where we clash and get mad and then make up and then clash again and again and again. and for some reason they're still in my life even though they annoy me to pieces. not sure how they make it through my system of booting. but.
another category is how long have i known them. did i meet them on the internet 2 months ago? 3 months ago? 6 months ago? the longer i've known them, the less likely i am to randomly cut them out of my life for mere annoyances and without explanation.
some people think it's funny to joke at your expense. i find it very hard to be open with someone who has done that to me before. especially if they already know me well enough to know that i would not appreciate it, but moreso, that it actually fits my credentials for getting rid of someone.
sometimes....a fight just reaches a point of no return. where neither party can accept or take responsibility for the fact that they hurt the other person. when 2 people reach such an impasse....i tend to cut it off.
when someone proves incapable of hearing where i'm coming from, despite long, thoughtful explanations of my view of things...when they can't hear me or see me...i tend to cut them off.
there are people that i meet sometimes...who, for whatever reason, just love me. they think i'm great (now, whether or not they still think that after knowing me 5 months is another story. .. one that i choose not to be bothered with hearing) but i usually let these people in my outer circle whether or not i actually like them. the only problem with this is.
there are a lot of people who do not see the circles of friendship. inner circle, middle circle, outer circle. a lot of people don't distinguish how close are you to said person. they just assume there is mutual love and they interact with you as such. sadly i tend to be way too polite to people even when they secretly bug me. i do away with that after i have known them long enough and after they have annoyed me on multiple occasions. but i always start polite. SOMETIMES misleading them into believing we have a close friendship when in reality i merely tolerate them.
it's sad that i even think like this but i do. i put people in categories. and i have criteria for staying in those categories. and violations without remorse, or repeated violations will cause me to just shut people out- sometimes without telling them why.
if i have known the person a year or more (especially if it was an in person relationship) i will tend to tell them why i can't be friends with them anymore. unless the only reason is that they annoy me. then i just quietly back out of the relationship.
then there are others whose doctrine? is just wrong. and it hurts my heart to talk to them. i know none of us have it all right. all of our doctrines are messed up in some way. but there are some crucial points that i am pretty dogged about. points that would prohibit any kind of friendship from developing.
but above all... i think a lasting friendship just has to be one that communicates well and listens at all times.
these are my thoughts. i would value and appreciate yours. i do believe i am overly sensitive and should be more careful about whom i cut out of my life. but i would be very interested if you have a friendship ending experience you would care to share.
yours in Messiah.
~Truthie
* have you been on the receiving end of a friendship dump that HAD an explanation that was shared with you?
* have you been on the receiving end of a friendship dump that the person just cut it off without telling you why?
* do you ever dump friends without explanation?
if so, when? do you have set stipulations for doing so?
* do you ever dump friends with an explanation?
if so, when?
for me. i tend to cut people out a lot. i don't know if that means i am impatient and i don't love well. or bc i meet most of them online and it simply takes time to feed through who is really a worthy friend, OR bc i have high standards for who i fellowship with. i know at the end of the day we are supposed to forgive. as we are all fallen humans and we will all disappoint each other repeatedly. i know it's foolish to cut off friendships based on simple offenses or miscommunications or mistakes or bad moods. that doesn't mean i haven't done that, but i know it's irrational and wrong.
i also tend to take into account several factors when i consider booting someone out of my life.
the biggest one is personality. in the amount of time i have known them, does what i know of their personality mesh with mine? or does it just clash. and i do have some relationships where we clash and get mad and then make up and then clash again and again and again. and for some reason they're still in my life even though they annoy me to pieces. not sure how they make it through my system of booting. but.
another category is how long have i known them. did i meet them on the internet 2 months ago? 3 months ago? 6 months ago? the longer i've known them, the less likely i am to randomly cut them out of my life for mere annoyances and without explanation.
some people think it's funny to joke at your expense. i find it very hard to be open with someone who has done that to me before. especially if they already know me well enough to know that i would not appreciate it, but moreso, that it actually fits my credentials for getting rid of someone.
sometimes....a fight just reaches a point of no return. where neither party can accept or take responsibility for the fact that they hurt the other person. when 2 people reach such an impasse....i tend to cut it off.
when someone proves incapable of hearing where i'm coming from, despite long, thoughtful explanations of my view of things...when they can't hear me or see me...i tend to cut them off.
there are people that i meet sometimes...who, for whatever reason, just love me. they think i'm great (now, whether or not they still think that after knowing me 5 months is another story. .. one that i choose not to be bothered with hearing) but i usually let these people in my outer circle whether or not i actually like them. the only problem with this is.
there are a lot of people who do not see the circles of friendship. inner circle, middle circle, outer circle. a lot of people don't distinguish how close are you to said person. they just assume there is mutual love and they interact with you as such. sadly i tend to be way too polite to people even when they secretly bug me. i do away with that after i have known them long enough and after they have annoyed me on multiple occasions. but i always start polite. SOMETIMES misleading them into believing we have a close friendship when in reality i merely tolerate them.
it's sad that i even think like this but i do. i put people in categories. and i have criteria for staying in those categories. and violations without remorse, or repeated violations will cause me to just shut people out- sometimes without telling them why.
if i have known the person a year or more (especially if it was an in person relationship) i will tend to tell them why i can't be friends with them anymore. unless the only reason is that they annoy me. then i just quietly back out of the relationship.
then there are others whose doctrine? is just wrong. and it hurts my heart to talk to them. i know none of us have it all right. all of our doctrines are messed up in some way. but there are some crucial points that i am pretty dogged about. points that would prohibit any kind of friendship from developing.
but above all... i think a lasting friendship just has to be one that communicates well and listens at all times.
these are my thoughts. i would value and appreciate yours. i do believe i am overly sensitive and should be more careful about whom i cut out of my life. but i would be very interested if you have a friendship ending experience you would care to share.
yours in Messiah.
~Truthie
Last edited:
