Soul Mate Died

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T

TD18

Guest
#1
#1
My boyfriend died from a brain tumor a month ago. He was an amazing Christian and he was also my best friend! My parents dont believe in long distance relationships and since he lived in Sweden they told me they felt bad but they couldnt understand my pain since we couldnt always get to see each other in person that often. That is weighing on my heart in addition to his death now.

He was my first true love and he was an amazing Christian! I got more into my faith when I met him. We prayed together, we were waiting for marriage...when I met him he became my biggest dream. I think that he was the first time Ive ever truly loved anyone including my family. He was moving here early next year and we were going to get married in two years.

When he first died I felt God around me. The two weeks after I felt so happy! I was so grateful that I got to experience true love and good love- we were both in submission to God and each other, we both encouraged each other and I have just never felt so much love in my entire life!

Now, after Christmas something broke. I am terrified of the future, I want to hurt or kill myself but I know I cant because Ill go to hell, I feel ugly (though when he was alive I felt beautiful), I feel worthless and thats a new feeling for me...

I dont know what to do...I also have past guilt from other problems like porn addiction, anger, lust, etc- things that I didnt have when my bf entered my life and showed me how to be a good follower of God.

Im just so confused. Please help me
 
exbi-savedbygrace

exbi-savedbygrace

Senior Member
#2
Dec 25, 2012
102
7
18
#2
Can I be honest with you TD18? I have had many young ladies with similar testimonies, and you know what the common denominator ften is. You found a feeling of completion in somebody that wasn't Christ, and honestly you aren't supposed to. I love my wife, and Lord knows if she died I would be broken, but if I feel an emptiness because of her loss then I am filling myself with eher and not being full of the Holy Spirit. We must be aware that all things on earth including people are temporary. If we get our fulfillment in men whose breath is in his nostils then we are resting on failure because the arm of flesh WILL ALWAYS fail. God is the only thing that lasts eternally. It is not wring to love or to even rely on others, but if that is not tempered proprly it can easily become idolatry and whe our idols fall we fall along with them. I say this not to be harsh but truthful. In Love, Jose
 
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TD18

Guest
#3
#3
That makes so much sense. I felt that happening during our relationship and I prayed on it. He definitely made God the center of his life and I tried to do the same. And I figured since he was such a good influence that it didnt matter. He was the one that brought me back to my faith so I figured how can this be wrong?
 
K

kenisyes

Guest
#4
#4
You were so blest to have known him. What you are going through is common to all people, when someone dies. You can google up the "stages of grief" and you'll see. There are many good sites. Here's one: The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central

About maybe hurting yourself: I'm sure you will make the decision to live for God, and that decision will make you stronger in the future.
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#5
#5
TD18 said:
My boyfriend died from a brain tumor a month ago. He was an amazing Christian and he was also my best friend! My parents dont believe in long distance relationships and since he lived in Sweden they told me they felt bad but they couldnt understand my pain since we couldnt always get to see each other in person that often. That is weighing on my heart in addition to his death now.

He was my first true love and he was an amazing Christian! I got more into my faith when I met him. We prayed together, we were waiting for marriage...when I met him he became my biggest dream. I think that he was the first time Ive ever truly loved anyone including my family. He was moving here early next year and we were going to get married in two years.

When he first died I felt God around me. The two weeks after I felt so happy! I was so grateful that I got to experience true love and good love- we were both in submission to God and each other, we both encouraged each other and I have just never felt so much love in my entire life!

Now, after Christmas something broke. I am terrified of the future, I want to hurt or kill myself but I know I cant because Ill go to hell, I feel ugly (though when he was alive I felt beautiful), I feel worthless and thats a new feeling for me...

I dont know what to do...I also have past guilt from other problems like porn addiction, anger, lust, etc- things that I didnt have when my bf entered my life and showed me how to be a good follower of God.

Im just so confused. Please help me
Click to expand...
Sweet pea, I do sorrow with you over the loss of your friend. :(

We know he is in the presence of the Savior, and rejoice that his pain and trials are over, but grief is for the living...for the ones who deal with that empty place.
We grieve for and with people like you, who are learning to live without the loved one.

Here's the good news, and the reason for joy---for you.
The Lord led you to this young man, and that led you back to the Lord. :)

Now, you can make God part of the process of grief, and let Him comfort you, and love you.
He wants to do this. :)
And yes, no mere person should ever take the place of God for us.
But you know this now, and God has made you wiser. That's a lifelong process that God causes each of us as believers to undergo, and it's for our good, and for His glory. :)

Those feelings of guilt---those have no place in your life, dear one.
You are in Christ, and every sin has been forgiven. The enemy, or your own flesh, may lie to you, but the Truth is in God's Word, and it says you have been forgiven, because Jesus died for you, and He is your Savior.
Just ignore those feelings, and forget what God has 'forgotten'. Instead, remember that you were forgiven much (as have we all been!) and you are thankful, and won't walk in those ways again. :)
When the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, that draws us closer to the Lord. When we feel condemned by the enemy or the flesh, we feel unworthy to go to our Father. And He never wants us to feel that way...that way causes a break in fellowship with Him. I hope I'm making sense. :rolleyes:

I encourage you to immerse yourself in the Word of God, and in other believers, and in worship and praise music, and in prayer.
God waits on high to show mercy and compassion to you, little one. ♥
He is pouring grace on you at this very moment, leading you back to Himself.
Those feelings you had at first will be back. :)
Try not to worry.
You were, indeed, very blessed to have known your friend, and that's what will last.

I'm praying for you, beloved of your Father. ♥
-ellie

 
M

meggars

Guest
#6
#6
I can't begin to understand where you're coming from or offer up any advice as I've never had anyone I could feel that way about, but I'll sure pray for you!
 
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TD18

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you all so much for your responses! My friend and I talked and prayed today about a lot of things and I am feeling SO much more positive! God is really good! I am just happy that I will definitely see him again and until then Jesus is giving me comfort. I couldnt take my eyes off the pain to see that He never left me! I am so grateful to you all! Thank you and God bless
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
TD18 said:
That makes so much sense. I felt that happening during our relationship and I prayed on it. He definitely made God the center of his life and I tried to do the same. And I figured since he was such a good influence that it didnt matter. He was the one that brought me back to my faith so I figured how can this be wrong?
Click to expand...
Because maybe Gods plan was this man to bring you to your faith, but nothing more. But you let emotions get involved where they should not have been and got distracted. As i read your post the word 'idol' kept coming to mind. It seems to me so much of your faith was through your boyfriend, rather than connected directly through God. And now that that connection to your boyfriend has severed, it has severed your relationship with God because it was not a right relationship from the get go.

On a side note 'soul mate' is not a biblical idea. It started in paganism.
 
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