So dissapointed in my life... need some christian advice.

[Sadgirl]

I met my current "partner" at 20, he was 38 told me he was 30 and I was naive enough to believe him but he did look younger than his age. He pushed me into having sexual intercourse with him, insisting on this for over3 months until I gave up. But I was really unhappy about it as I didn't want to do it until I was married, but I was so confused and he told me he'd leave and I loved him. I wish I had the knowledge back then that I have now... After that he told me he couldn't have kids and we don't need to use protection and in a few months I get pregnant. Instantly he tells me he's married with 2 kids. I can't describe how I felt. I was devastated,with no one around to help me, and he telling me that he doesn't live with his family anymore and that its just typical marriage etc. So, we got back together as I saw no other option for me. He took care of me and even came to stay with me by the end of my pregnancy. After having my baby we officially moved in and I told my parents (who live in another country) we've had civil marriage and felt miserable lying to them... and still do until today. He soon got a divorce. I later found out that it was true they were only together on papers. But I've been living with guilt since and I still feel guilty in the eyes of God...

I have been very unhappy for most of the time. He never married me as he was obviously using me and never really loved me as he was also seeing other women in the meantime. I kept forgiving him for the sake of my child and closing my eyes to his behavior, praying and asking God to change him, but nothing. He's gambling and using psychological violence against me. I was depressed feeling abandoned and empty, and the only thing that helped me go through this was praying to God as it filled my life with light and warmth. We have no sexual contact for some time now cause I don't want him to touch me, he disgusts me... I can't forget all the bad things he's done to me, even though I forgive him. He blames me for everything, seeing other women and gambling. I don't love him, all I live is constant disappointment, I try as much as I can to live a Christian life and make up for my sins, but its hard with a person like that next to me, he doesn't change... I am so tired and unhappy, he hasn't been a good dad to my child either. He's just been paying for everything and living his separate life, that's all.

I don't know what to do, I really want to leave. I never felt loved in my life. I'm 28, I know I can find someone to love and respect me, but I don't know if that complies with God's rules. Shall I stay and carry my cross until the end or does God allow people like me to have a new start and be happy all over again?

I am so unhappy and its affecting me and my child so much...
Please tell me your opinion on this, please help.

Thanks a lot!

 

[Stuey]

Ewww... this sounds horrible

You need to get out, this guy is horrible... he cheated on his family and you are hoping he will take care of you?

Get out. And don't run back to him. This guy does not sound like a Christian to me.

 

[DenR]

Sister, my dear sister...what a heartbreaking story! You were taken advantage of by him and still are it seems.
You need to know that your Father loves you unconditionally. He loved you when you were still a sinner, loves you now. He has forgiven you already, all your sins were forgiven by God when Christ hung on the cross and died for you.
You do not have to try to pay for your sins, they were already paid for by Jesus.
God does not put guilt upon us nor does he condemn us. We do that to ourselves..because we do not see that we are forgiven , really forgiven.

The issue of your life with him...you are not married to him, only living together. There is no rule from God that holds you to this man, especially if he is seeing other women.
Even if you were married to him you have legal grounds to divorce him if he is with other women.

God loves you and I do not believe God is not holding you in the prison you are in.
Do what your heart says to do.
Religion will not help you, only knowing Jesus personally yourself. You can know Jesus sister...just ask Jesus to lead you out of this mess and to give you the courage to do it.
You may the help of some friends or family if the man is angry about it.

But once you make up your mind, and decide in your heart, that you are going to find a better life then it will be easier. At the moment you are wavering because of guilt and worry about breaking God's rules.
No need to worry..God is the one pulling you out of that relationship or you would not have come on here to share it.
Lord Jesus, give my sister courage and fill her life with good things and the Holy Spirit. Bless her dear Father, bless her! In Jesus Name.

 

[Sadgirl]

Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply! DenR your comment is so encouraging and heartwarming, its great to know there are people like you out there, thank you. I'm blessed for finding this forum with all these wonderful people, I have so much to learn from you.

 

[DenR]

we are all learning from one another cos Christ is in each of us.
God bless you sister.

 

[Jilly81]

I met my current "partner" at 20, he was 38 told me he was 30 and I was naive enough to believe him but he did look younger than his age. He pushed me into having sexual intercourse with him, insisting on this for over3 months until I gave up. But I was really unhappy about it as I didn't want to do it until I was married, but I was so confused and he told me he'd leave and I loved him. I wish I had the knowledge back then that I have now... After that he told me he couldn't have kids and we don't need to use protection and in a few months I get pregnant. Instantly he tells me he's married with 2 kids. I can't describe how I felt. I was devastated,with no one around to help me, and he telling me that he doesn't live with his family anymore and that its just typical marriage etc. So, we got back together as I saw no other option for me. He took care of me and even came to stay with me by the end of my pregnancy. After having my baby we officially moved in and I told my parents (who live in another country) we've had civil marriage and felt miserable lying to them... and still do until today. He soon got a divorce. I later found out that it was true they were only together on papers. But I've been living with guilt since and I still feel guilty in the eyes of God...

I have been very unhappy for most of the time. He never married me as he was obviously using me and never really loved me as he was also seeing other women in the meantime. I kept forgiving him for the sake of my child and closing my eyes to his behavior, praying and asking God to change him, but nothing. He's gambling and using psychological violence against me. I was depressed feeling abandoned and empty, and the only thing that helped me go through this was praying to God as it filled my life with light and warmth. We have no sexual contact for some time now cause I don't want him to touch me, he disgusts me... I can't forget all the bad things he's done to me, even though I forgive him. He blames me for everything, seeing other women and gambling. I don't love him, all I live is constant disappointment, I try as much as I can to live a Christian life and make up for my sins, but its hard with a person like that next to me, he doesn't change... I am so tired and unhappy, he hasn't been a good dad to my child either. He's just been paying for everything and living his separate life, that's all.

I don't know what to do, I really want to leave. I never felt loved in my life. I'm 28, I know I can find someone to love and respect me, but I don't know if that complies with God's rules. Shall I stay and carry my cross until the end or does God allow people like me to have a new start and be happy all over again?

I am so unhappy and its affecting me and my child so much...
Please tell me your opinion on this, please help.

Thanks a lot!

The Lord wants you to be happy, but for now focus on getting to know Him better, which is the true path to happiness anyway. He's a husband to orphans and a father to the fatherless, as it says in the Psalms . Start by thanking Jesus for dying on the cross to take away your sins, and ask Him for forgivness. Then ask Him to let you get to know Him better. Here's a link to a post that should be helpful; the girl who made this thread in the women's forum asked a similar question to yours, and this is what I said to her; it has more details: ------> http://christianchat.com/christian-...know-who-speak-please-respond.html#post829103 I hope it helps, and please let me know if you need any other advice . -Jill

 

[Ugly]

You're not married, and even if you were, he's given you license to divorce anyways. Kick this bum to the curb and don't look back. You deserve better, so act on that and go find yourself someone better.

 

[pastel1]

Well, I am 24 and in a similar situation. Gave in early because of his insisting and am with a man who is 37. Who has gotten better with God's help. But it only got better because I had to love myself more and learn control over my feelings. I had to give alot of things to God. Like things that didnt satisfy me or make me happy. I absorbed my time into good self-help books. Which I counseled myself on. I kept a journal. Found ways to communicate my feelings and to God. Asked God to help me learn how to communicate my feelings wto him without offending him. Having a hobby is especially important , one that works for you. And disciplining yourself to maintain it for the Lord but not only for the Lord but for yourself. I have a daughter so I know it is not easy. But there are profound blessings in the Lord and you have to give God your heart. And keep pressing on. Like someone said it's a personal relationship with Jesus. Listen to the guidance and direction that comes from God. He answers our heart through it rages. I kept fighting, I also was kicked out me and my daughter. Went to stay with my cousin. But then God brought us back together because the enviroment was rich for spiritual growth where i was. though our relationship had been rocky and different. But God did start to work on his heart. But it is just dealing with the situation from our hearts. The situation doesn't change .. But our approach has to. If you do your part, God will not forget you. I accepted it and have to continually look to Jesus. But God's promises are sure!! And the clouds cleared again and the sun shined again. Dont worry about what people think about you. We still dont have sexual contact much but it's not about that. It doesnt bother me anymore like it did. I believe I was used at first, but his heart changed . But it still weighs on me. I still live with dissapointment. But it's better to keep up with the dissappointments then for it keep you suppressed . Which makes the depression of the situation worse. My man pays for everything and does the same thing. But I told the Lord I need to make myself stick to my hobby of poetry in him because it takes my mind off of the situation and onto God. What we don't have God makes up for spiritually though... Reading the bible is a must. everytime I am down and out it is a must. Guarding our heart is a must. I choose not to know the women personally who are his friends at his workplace. I dont wanna know if i dont have to know. You have to trust, but mostly God.

 

[Sadgirl]

Once again thank you all for the kind words and advices. I really appreciate it!! Jilly81 I couldn't follow the link you provided but your comment was very helpful and true, I feel that's exactly were I have to start, by getting to know Him better. Pastel1 thanks for sharing your story, its sad to know there are others in similar boat... but apparently your faith is stronger than mine but I already feel my faith grow each day I have hobbies too and I started my University again after some years, but its too hard as I don't have my family with me here and all this pressure is not helping either.

There is something else bothering me. I feel very sorry for the father of my child, as I know he sins each day and he doesn't realize it. Every time I try to get sense into him he ends us insulting me, laughing or we just have a huge fight. I worry for his soul, after all he's my child's father and I know that he has some good in him, but somehow he doesn't bother, he's used to lying, being nasty and irresponsible. I can't just leave knowing that he'll never realize how much he sins before our Father. I guess all I can do is pray for him, but somehow I find really hard praying for him...

 

[Ugly]

If you aren't going to leave him til he realizes his wrongs, then likely you can plan to always be with him. Hes an abuser. Abusers have a very very low rate of change. And even if he did ever change, its not likely you are going to be the one that brings it about. He thinks too low of you to respect what you are trying to get him to understand. Just move on. He will have to answer for his actions one day, and you can't change that.

 

[kirbalys]

If anything, that is all that God gives. Everyone, Christians and nonchristians, sin and make mistakes daily, hourly, every second. You deserve a fresh start for the sake of you and your child. God loves you and he will help you through your struggle. You have to remember that it won't be immediately, or even overnight. But He will. You must have faith, and that alone will get you through to the fresh start.

 

[meggars]

I can't just leave knowing that he'll never realize how much he sins before our Father.

it might just be that you leaving might be the kick in the pants he needs to start thinking about that....depends how you do it i suppose. avoid any kind of scene or fanfare. i'd just go with "i actually care too much about your soul's wellbeing to stay here and enable the behavior that's killing it. see ya.".....although perhaps not QUITE so nonchalant as that.