Is it friendship or more?

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beautygirl

Guest
#1
#1
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[TD="class: alt1, bgcolor: #F0F8FF"]I wrote on here a while back about a guy I was involved with, meet in church, apparently a christian.... who turned out to be a complete creep, did not respect me as a person and basically trying to manipulate me into having sex with him for his own selfish needs

Anyway I have a friend i have like for the past 3 years, he is a lovely, decent christian guy, and since being involved with this other guy I have thought more about this friend, and how is such a decent man, who I love spending time with. I reckon he would respect me, care about me, support me, look after me more than this other guy ever would. I reckon he would be a good husband, and maybe that it what I am longing for, but I guess every girl wants that.

The only thing me and the previous guy had between us was a sexual attraction, I was very much attracted to him physically and sexually and I have now released that was all it was. I kind of started to realise what is important for a marriage. The only thing is it has left me slightly confused, I really like this friend, even thought I loved him, I can actually imagine us together we seem to be great friends and he seems to care and do things for me, but it is a different kinda relationship than I had with this other guy, altho it is a good difference, I don't feel that sexual attraction. I am attracted to this friend in lots different ways, personality, the things he does, the way he speaks/says things and just generally things about him. I know i was not drawn to him physically at the start but then I started to like more things about him physically.

Guess I am just confused wether what I feel is right, because it is different from what I felt about this other guy, It was such a strong sexually attraction I had a hard time not having full sex with him. altho I didnt feel happy at all with him. I liked that he was so touchy feely with me at times & always told me i was attractive! i Know this is not everything in a relationship. but he didnt want a real commitment with me, it was all fake & superficial.

Just has left me so confused! and wether my feelings are real, or are we just great friends. what do you look for in a christian relationship and what do you look for in you partner?
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Senior Member
#2
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#2
Well, if that helps. I was not attracted (at first) to my ex bf (even he's a model). But we had this really nice connection (which is important for me). So-I gave it a try. Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's not. :) Since you both are friends-you better think twice before you show him some ''signs''. You don't want to hurt his feelings-in case you change your mind or something.
 
WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest

WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest

Banned
#3
Mar 1, 2013
176
1
0
#3
I do not believe physical/sexual attraction is love at all.

The fruit at the end of the tree branch appear desirable, but once eaten, is gone. Thus make sure you know where the roots of the tree are before you eat the fruit.

Ask yourself this, 'how do I love God?'

You have never seen Him, but you know between Him and yourself there is that connection of love. It comes from the heart and mind.

How do you know Him?

You know Him through His word and all the things He has and does for you in life.

Thus, this is what I see as love. If he goes out of his way to do good for you, then there is the trait IMO.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
You LUSTED after your ex. Now you actually care about someone as a person. I'm not sure what the confusion is? One guy you wanted to have sex with and all he wanted was in your pants, and probably would have left you after getting you in bed a few times. Guy number two treats you well, you know well and you share a mutual respect for each other. And is the kind of guy you can see actually marrying. Again, don't see where the confusion is. If you think sexual attraction is the deciding factor on picking a spouse, you have some screwed up priorities and ideas and may be best to hold off on dating and marriage until you get your thoughts aligned correctly.
Why should you feel sexual attraction for your FRIEND? He's not your husband, not even your boyfriend. Hes your friend you've known for a while. Someone that you didn't even seem to think of romantically until recently.
Sexual attraction to someone because of their looks is pure lust and has nothing to do with feelings, caring or emotion. Its just unchecked sexual desire that means nothing but a way to get what you want out of someone else. True sexual attraction comes, not from getting worked up when you look at them, but when you think of how they love you, take care of you, protect you, help you, etc... then a genuine sexual desire (not just lust) forms, and you desire to show that person you love them in the most intimate way (all in a marriage context, of course).
 
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beautygirl

Guest
#5
#5
Ugly said:
You LUSTED after your ex. Now you actually care about someone as a person. I'm not sure what the confusion is? One guy you wanted to have sex with and all he wanted was in your pants, and probably would have left you after getting you in bed a few times. Guy number two treats you well, you know well and you share a mutual respect for each other. And is the kind of guy you can see actually marrying. Again, don't see where the confusion is. If you think sexual attraction is the deciding factor on picking a spouse, you have some screwed up priorities and ideas and may be best to hold off on dating and marriage until you get your thoughts aligned correctly.
Why should you feel sexual attraction for your FRIEND? He's not your husband, not even your boyfriend. Hes your friend you've known for a while. Someone that you didn't even seem to think of romantically until recently.
Sexual attraction to someone because of their looks is pure lust and has nothing to do with feelings, caring or emotion. Its just unchecked sexual desire that means nothing but a way to get what you want out of someone else. True sexual attraction comes, not from getting worked up when you look at them, but when you think of how they love you, take care of you, protect you, help you, etc... then a genuine sexual desire (not just lust) forms, and you desire to show that person you love them in the most intimate way (all in a marriage context, of course).
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Thank you, that says it perfectly. To be honest that is what I always thought love was, I think this other guy just confused me and I just needed reminding of what is most important. That is actually how I felt about my friend before I even meet that guy I was involved with, I think he just tainted my view on what was important because clearly all that was important to him was the physical stuff, and then I thought that was what I needed to feel loved.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
I'm glad you were able to get it cleared up. Sometimes we all just need someone to come along and go 'duh!' hahaha. I know i need it and often haha. :p
 
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