Sign from God?

[elissab103]

I recently came out of a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. We were both abusive to each other and were this way I think because we weren't walking with God. A couple months ago when things were good, I asked God to show me who I'm supposed to marry by having them give me white roses. I prayed in silence so it was only between God and I. The next day my boyfriend (now ex) gave me white roses and not only that but jokingly kneeled down on one knee and "proposed". I didn't realize what happened at the time but about 3 minutes later I was reminded that I prayed about it. We thought it was crazy. I was skeptical because I didn't think God could be that clear and we were in an ungodly relationship too but my boyfriend wasn't. He told me that he believes it, asked why I wouldn't and then said he believed it because he's a christian.

My ex is not the kind of person I want to be with for the rest of my life. And especially with the kinds of things that happened between us I do not want to be with him. BUT I do believe that with a lot of prayer and faith in God, He can change anyone and fix any situation. My ex boyfriend was my first boyfriend and the only person I've been able to connect with or have understand me in every single way. I can't imagine being with anyone else or finding someone else that similar. At the same time, he isn't walking with God and that bothers me. And I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to choose the lifestyle I want and God wants. I want a good, strong, Christ-driven relationship with my ex boyfriend but it's really hard to see how things could be turned around. And I can't forget about the white roses. I've prayed for God to give me a sign and I know He may just be testing me to trust in Him but I don't want to go back and forth.

We got in such a huge fight before he moved to Maryland for a job position. I will be moving to Virginia in a couple months. He told me that he was done with me and that we will never date again. I don't think we'll have to date to know if we want to get married or not. I know that we understand each other like no other person.

My pastor told me to forget about it and said he thinks it may be a counterfeit, and when I told my mom about it she was shocked. I do want to marry him. I do want to be with him. I just want a Godly relationship with him. One where I know he will be there spiritually like I need a husband to be. I want a partner in Christ.

It may sound like I want someone to tell me that we will be together, but that's not what I want. I want answers to everything. I want scripture to back up something like this. I want reasons for why God would do this. I don't see how the enemy could've since he couldn't hear me and I didn't let my ex boyfriend know about it before he grabbed the flowers. I would like advice on if I should wait for him? Should I believe this sign? How do I gain faith in Christ with this there? How do I trust what happened? I know I need to focus on God. That's not the kind of answer I'm looking for. I want reasons as to why I should believe in this or not. I just need help. Thank you.

 

[T_Laurich]

(I am trying to type this without sounding mean....)

I don't have any 'answers' but maybe what I say can help...

I suggest trying to gain a personal relationship with God and Jesus. It sounds like you are well on your way. In fact you might be closer to God then I am; so sorry if I seem hypocritical or insensitive.

I have found that putting God first makes my life easier to live. I can see why your pastor thinks it is 'counterfeit', after all your relationship does not sound Christian-like...
The bible talks about Satan disguising himself as an angel of light. In 1 Corinthians 11: 12-15

But I will continue doing what I have always done. This will undercut those who are looking for an opportunity to boast that their work is just like ours. These people are false apostles. They are deceitful workers who disguise themselves as apostles of Christ. But I am not surprised! Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no wonder that his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. In the end they will get the punishment their wicked deeds deserve.

I understand your want for a partner, But do not force yourself into a marriage out of want. In my opinion both husband and wife should be lifting each other towards God. 1 Corinthians 7 talks a lot about marriage and can be extremely helpful for you.

p.s. sorry if you have ocd, I ramble when I type and rarely reword or rewrite things, just correct spelling hence the edit...

 

[elissab103]

This is exactly what I didn't want to be thought. I'm not forcing him into what I want him to be. I'm simply asking if I should believe the white roses? I specifically prayed for it just like Abraham's servant prayed for a specific sign when looking for a wife for Isaac and found Rebekah (Gen. 24:12). I don't understand how my pastor can say that it was a lie from satan when I prayed in my head (since he can't listen to our thoughts). I just want to know if there is any scripture on a thing like this or if it's a Godly thing for me to believe it?

I can definitely see how the enemy was working in the relationship and using ungodly things to destroy our bond but I know that God can change anything and anyone including the dynamic of our relationship. I am just trying to decide if this was from God? And if it wasn't, how did the enemy know what I had asked for?

 

[kenisyes]

A lot depends on what you mean by "abuse". The classic abusive husband will beat you one day, and offer roses the next. This is why anyone working in abuse counselling finds it so challenging. The woman will normally refuse to come out of it, and often winds up in the hospital in a few more cylces of the up/down.

If you mean that you were both immature and fighting too much, then separate if you are living together, take some time and prayer, and see each other on dates for awhile, to see if you are growing into what you would like to have in a mate, or not.

Do not, under any circumstances, consider those roses a sign from God. They are too likely to be the sign of the abusive male personality. And do not consider his ultimatum not to date you again a sign of anything other than his immaturity to try to manipulate you. Yes, God can heal anything, but we have to choose to let Him. Do not expect things to change after you are married. Do not enter into a liftime relationship with someone who you "do not want to be with for the rest of your life". You will know God's sign, by what this man chooses and by what you choose to become in a year or so while you are waiting for his choice. Marriage, like salvation, is as much a matter of reasoned choice as it is of feelings. Both of you are young enough to give this some time, and find out if it is just immaturity of youth, or a permanent personality problem leading to the abuse. You have more than enough time, at your age, to "let this fish get away".

 

[LightningClap0002]

Elissa,
Love is one thing that requires patience. God went many generations after promising His people a savior before He sent His son. He gave Joseph dreams as a young man that took his entire lifetime to come true.
When it comes to love, the one thing that is required is love... true love. The only way to really know what true love is by seeking God. Once you know what it is, the only way to know if it really is true love is time. Time unmasks any lies.

As others have said, it sounds like you need to spend some time without splitting your devotion. Devote yourself to God, experience His great love. Then you will have a great measuring stick to use in any future relationship, or if you rekindle this one a few years down the road. Be warned, though, doing what is right will be far more difficult than not. If it's difficult for you, you can be pretty sure that you're heading down the right road. Its in those times when we struggle that God's power and grace are truly shown. He wants us to depend on Him for everything. He is our creator, our provider; He IS love, without Him a relationship is just a shell of what it could be.

God bless.

 

[elissab103]

I like what everyone has said. And I do want to focus on God during this time. And I am. But I don't believe in coincidences. And when I prayed that, we were in a very very good place. The prayer was "I don't know who I'm going to marry God, if it's this guy or someone else. But let me know by letting them give me white roses". It wasn't abusive until later on. I really just don't understand why I would get white roses the day after I prayed about this. It was a very specific prayer and was ment to be so I would know and it would be clear to me. I chose this flower because it's not a flower someone would choose when giving another person flowers.

I have a peace about it this morning. And I know it's just going to take a lot of time and work for both of us. I want to do it seperate. I want to be in love with God first and have an obsessive loving relationship with Him. I think it's just the enemy saying things to me to hurt me and make sure things don't get better. I'm just going to trust God with this one. When my ex did this he also had a watch in his hand. I'm going to take that as it's going to take time. I know he has a heart for God but he doesn't understand that it takes a lot more than going to church on Sundays. It isn't my job to think about the future like this. It's my job to trust that the Lord has great plans for me to bring me happiness and Him glory. I just have to be okay with it. And if it's God's choice to have me be with someone else, I'm okay with that.

 

[LightningClap0002]

I like what everyone has said. And I do want to focus on God during this time. And I am. But I don't believe in coincidences. And when I prayed that, we were in a very very good place. The prayer was "I don't know who I'm going to marry God, if it's this guy or someone else. But let me know by letting them give me white roses". It wasn't abusive until later on. I really just don't understand why I would get white roses the day after I prayed about this. It was a very specific prayer and was ment to be so I would know and it would be clear to me. I chose this flower because it's not a flower someone would choose when giving another person flowers.

I have a peace about it this morning. And I know it's just going to take a lot of time and work for both of us. I want to do it seperate. I want to be in love with God first and have an obsessive loving relationship with Him. I think it's just the enemy saying things to me to hurt me and make sure things don't get better. I'm just going to trust God with this one. When my ex did this he also had a watch in his hand. I'm going to take that as it's going to take time. I know he has a heart for God but he doesn't understand that it takes a lot more than going to church on Sundays. It isn't my job to think about the future like this. It's my job to trust that the Lord has great plans for me to bring me happiness and Him glory. I just have to be okay with it. And if it's God's choice to have me be with someone else, I'm okay with that.

I dunno if this will help you or not, but I want to share with you my first relationship; it lasted 4 years.

I was in high school, and never dated before. I was very committed to God, actively taking part in church and feeling close to God. I had known this girl for a year and started to think that I wanted to have a relationship with her. My church youth group had a week long retreat in the middle of no where, just isolated time with God. I spent the vast majority of that week praying about it. Asking God to show me His will. As the week wound down I knew very clearly two things. 1) I loved her and 2) God was behind the relationship. After 2 years of dating I was still very much in love with her. I had continued to pray and knew now that she was the one that I was going to marry. Things started to go downhill from there. She did became a little abusive and jealous. I wasn't concerned, God was behind the relationship. We struggled through another 2 years and then she left. For months I was confused and lost. I was finally able to move on, but the confusion remained. I knew without a shadow of doubt that God had supported the relationship. And yet, we didn't get married. So I questioned myself, did I do something wrong? Did I misunderstand? Did God change His mind? Eventually I got an answer. Just because God tells us something at one time doesn't mean it will remain that way. God used that first relationship of mine to teach me many many things. In the end, the most powerful thing that I learned was a glimpse of the torment that comes with being separated from love. I came to appreciate what eternal life separated from God's love would be like.

So, if I can give you any advice, don't seek God's will on a matter once and then go off on your own. Rely on Him every day. No matter what way you go, I doubt it will be easy. Praying that God's peace continues to be with you.

 

[BrittanyJones]

I had a guy pursue me for a long time but I was in love with someone else. To get him to back off I asked him to go and pray about it. To my EXTREME surprise, after three days he came to me and said that God told him that I would end up marrying the other guy.

Well, guess what? I didn't end up marrying him as he was never interested.... What I did learn was to put God first and stop trying to make a man the biggest part of my life.

 

[hattiebod]

Really put God first...in ALL ways, in ALL things in your life, when we really strive to do that, then He becomes all you want and care about. You will want to honour Him, be with Him, know Him and please Him. Get yourself under His authority. What seemed important will no longer be...what He is, will become all consuming and will be reflected in your life. You will no longer have such fear....questions.....Being under His authority, being obedient to Him...is the path to a 'happy life' a contented life, filled with what He desires for us, not what we desire. Not boyfriends, husbands or children. They may be there....and then again, they may not but we will truly accept His timing. We need to truly grasp that He really is the Truth and He is Life. God Bless you, <><