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Christian Young Adults Forum

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Thread: How to handle a hateful people.

  1. #1
    Senior Member Theygaveutheirworst's Avatar
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    Default How to handle a hateful people.

    Today I got chewed by a coworker. I've been working with this guy for the past 8 months and gets harder and harder to be around him. he is THE most negative and hateful person I have ever met in my life. Since I get to work in close quarters with him 5 days a week, I get to hear his hateful opinion about everyone in the building I work at( including me). Two days ago, in his anger about a coworker leaving early, he thought he could bully into doing work his way by catching a bad attitude with me. I've been working there for 8 years, and he's been there 8 months, so him trying to tell me how to do my job is totally disrespectful. He also is the most prideful person I've ever met. He thinks the workplace is one big competition, where he is trying constantly to make others look bad. If he has a bad day, we all have a bad and bitter day/mood at the end of the work day.

    You know the sad thing is? I really want to tell him everything I just wrote in the above paragraph and more, but most importantly, I want to ask him what happened in his life to cause him to be so bitter and hateful. The other coworker we both work with told me that he(bitter coworker) told him that he hates people in general. Brothers and sisters of Christ, how in the world can I continue not to want to go back off on him when he spits out so much hate and anger 99% percent of an 8 hour work day? Luckily, the majority of the time when cusses me out, it's told behind my back to another coworker. But when he starts cussing other people out, and complaining to me how lazy people are, I literally can't help but want to tell him to grow and stop acting like a man-child. I'm nearing just burning my bridges with him if he blatantly goes off on me again just because he has no control over his mouth and temper. I've tried my best to show him love and respect these past few months, but he's gotten to a point were he just makes me so angry by the end of the work day because of how hateful a person he is. At times I think he really is trying to provoke me into arguing with him just so he can have the satisfaction of getting under my skin. He knows I'm a Christian(and he proclaims to be one as well!), so I really do believe he is trying to turn me into a bitter, hateful person like he is. I do believe if/ when I argue back with him, he'll get some sick pleasure out of it to see that he broke me. I NEED PRAYER in the worst way with this. How can I show Christ-like love to him when his heart is as black as coal???
    jeremyd likes this.
    We do not understand the intricate pattern of the stars in their course, but we know He Who created them does, and that just as surely as He guides them, He is charting a safe course for us.

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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    8 months? Co-worker, equal in authority? Here's a thought: when he speaks to you next time this way, just say you are sorry. Yes, apologize. Maybe he will ask you what you are apologizing for, and then you can say how clear it is that life has hurt him, and you are part of life. Maybe he will listen to your thus far unspoken reactions at that point. You are a member of the Kingdom of priests after all, so it within your authority to apologize for the part of God's creation that seems offensive. Maybe all this complaining around you is just to get you on his side, and all he really needs is a friend who can see things his way.

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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Theygaveutheirworst View Post
    How can I show Christ-like love to him when his heart is as black as coal???
    Do you think Christ sees his heart so black that it can be compared to coal? You know coal has it uses. You want to show a Christ-like love, right? Well, dude, sorry to say, or rather, happy to say, Christ displayed to us, the greatest type of affection and love by dying for us in one of most earthly and brutal ways possible to kill a man.

    This is where I'm conflicted: I could issue that you can do whatever means it takes to avoid this guy, or you can look to God in the matter.

    Matthew 5:43-48

    New International Version (NIV)

    Love for Enemies

    43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
    1 Peter 1:2-25

    New International Version (NIV)

    2 who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to be obedient to Jesus Christ and sprinkled with his blood:
    Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

    Praise to God for a Living Hope

    3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
    10 Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, 11 trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of the Messiah and the glories that would follow. 12 It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.

    Be Holy

    13 Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. 14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”
    17 Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors,19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.
    22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 24 For,
    “All people are like grass,
    and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
    the grass withers and the flowers fall,
    25 but the word of the Lord endures forever.”[c]

    And this is the word that was preached to you.
    Take it or leave it.
    Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

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    Member Dread_Zeppelin1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Wow, this guy sounds like he has problems. You know what? You can do all the love thy neighbor stuff, but in the work place you also have the right to protect yourself from terrible people. I would document what he says, when he says it and if you're good with your co worker have them sign it with you as a witness. He obviously makes you feel uncomfortable and I know a little bit about HR work place problems. You need to contact your local HR and tell them whats going on-- that's why HR exists. Use trigger words like ''abusive language'' and ''very uncomfortable''.

    Can you put up with this guy? Sure! You can also torture yourself day in and day out praying that he'll turn a new leaf...maybe he will, maybe not.

    There was a situation like this in my church once. A man caused many problems and was very disruptive and caused mass pandaemonium. Many scoffed on the pastor because he was supposed to show this man excessive love and tolerance. He did, for a while, but still this man continued to cause disorder and tension. Many good people left, many good families with great qualities. That was when my pastor kicked him out. The church immediately went back to being harmonious although the good families didn't return due to hurt feelings and unwanted drama.

    Sometimes, the wolf needs to get kicked out of the hen house. Use wisdom and protect yourself.

  5. #5
    djness
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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dread_Zeppelin1 View Post
    Wow, this guy sounds like he has problems. You know what? You can do all the love thy neighbor stuff, but in the work place you also have the right to protect yourself from terrible people. I would document what he says, when he says it and if you're good with your co worker have them sign it with you as a witness. He obviously makes you feel uncomfortable and I know a little bit about HR work place problems. You need to contact your local HR and tell them whats going on-- that's why HR exists. Use trigger words like ''abusive language'' and ''very uncomfortable''.

    Can you put up with this guy? Sure! You can also torture yourself day in and day out praying that he'll turn a new leaf...maybe he will, maybe not.

    There was a situation like this in my church once. A man caused many problems and was very disruptive and caused mass pandaemonium. Many scoffed on the pastor because he was supposed to show this man excessive love and tolerance. He did, for a while, but still this man continued to cause disorder and tension. Many good people left, many good families with great qualities. That was when my pastor kicked him out. The church immediately went back to being harmonious although the good families didn't return due to hurt feelings and unwanted drama.

    Sometimes, the wolf needs to get kicked out of the hen house. Use wisdom and protect yourself.
    I am in agreement with this.

  6. #6
    djness
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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Quote Originally Posted by kenisyes View Post
    8 months? Co-worker, equal in authority? Here's a thought: when he speaks to you next time this way, just say you are sorry. Yes, apologize. Maybe he will ask you what you are apologizing for, and then you can say how clear it is that life has hurt him, and you are part of life. Maybe he will listen to your thus far unspoken reactions at that point. You are a member of the Kingdom of priests after all, so it within your authority to apologize for the part of God's creation that seems offensive. Maybe all this complaining around you is just to get you on his side, and all he really needs is a friend who can see things his way.
    Sorry.....
    I have worked a job with guys like this before. If you say sorry to the guy when you have done nothing wrong you only solidify your position as a rung to be climbed for this guy.

    If anything I would look him right in the face after one of his outbursts and use this movie quote '' I'm so tired of you getting angry, and yelling all the time, it's exhausting. I feel like I'm partners with the Hulk."

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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Quote Originally Posted by djness View Post
    Sorry.....
    I have worked a job with guys like this before. If you say sorry to the guy when you have done nothing wrong you only solidify your position as a rung to be climbed for this guy.

    If anything I would look him right in the face after one of his outbursts and use this movie quote '' I'm so tired of you getting angry, and yelling all the time, it's exhausting. I feel like I'm partners with the Hulk."
    It would be interesting to compare what kind of careers we have had to have learned such vastly different response strategies.

  8. #8
    djness
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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Quote Originally Posted by kenisyes View Post
    It would be interesting to compare what kind of careers we have had to have learned such vastly different response strategies.
    I worked for a computer company for 15 years that these guys were at. I left after about 6 years because the employer wouldn't do anything about these guys behavior. Eventually my old boss called me up and say ''hey i fired those guys will you come back''
    I did and worked there for several more years.
    Great job. Loved it.

    My first thought with saying sorry to someone you did no wrong to. Is did Jesus ever say he was sorry for doing nothing wrong?

    Nobody should ever apologize for doing nothing wrong.

    This is my opinion.

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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Quote Originally Posted by djness View Post
    I worked for a computer company for 15 years that these guys were at. I left after about 6 years because the employer wouldn't do anything about these guys behavior. Eventually my old boss called me up and say ''hey i fired those guys will you come back''
    I did and worked there for several more years.
    Great job. Loved it.

    My first thought with saying sorry to someone you did no wrong to. Is did Jesus ever say he was sorry for doing nothing wrong?

    Nobody should ever apologize for doing nothing wrong.

    This is my opinion.
    I've been a college teacher and church music minister my whole life. Maybe that's the difference in perspective. I would say I'm sorry to see how bad life has hurt him.

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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    A flame thrower would work.
    - Either that or forgive him.
    Last edited by RickShafer; August 11th, 2013 at 06:49 PM.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Tandemtruths's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    ...Kill....

  12. #12
    Senior Member Theygaveutheirworst's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    I would try talking to him about his past, but he gets very defensive when asked about his personal life. He just simply sees no value in others. I'll continue to show him value and worth though, even after he explodes on me for child-like reasons. I've seen God move and change many hardened hearts before-including mine. I know He is also in that business today. It's interesting to think about how God could break his heart for people.
    jeremyd, kenisyes, twill and 1 others like this.
    We do not understand the intricate pattern of the stars in their course, but we know He Who created them does, and that just as surely as He guides them, He is charting a safe course for us.

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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Is your/his superior aware of his attitude problem and how its affecting those around him? If not, its probably time someone says something to a manager/boss and let them know how it is adversely affecting productivity.

    If that doesn't seem to help, or if no one wants to do anything about it, then maybe its time to start looking for a new job. I know what its like to put 11 years in a job only to find out you have no real authority or power to change things. Its better to face the fact and move on than to stay there and let it turn YOU into an angry, bitter person. Trust me, I've been there. That was part of the reason I found Jesus.


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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Dear Theygaveutheirworst
    God said don't judge if you don't want to be judged that way. So if I was you I would ignore his bad behaviour and I would pray for his poor soul. Ask God to make him understand his behaviour is wrong. Remember that just these kind of persons need mostly than others our prayers because they are hurting themselves with this kind of behaviours.
    Rolnik likes this.
    God Bless you
    Cris

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    Senior Member vanillakay's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Goodness. Really sorry your having to put up with that!

    They say misery loves company, and I guessvit's true. Either tell him that the next time he opens his mouth to you,your reporting him to your boss for bullying and harassment..OR. still pray for him. Continue to treat him as Jesus would and hope that by being an example to him, he might eventually change too. Good Luck!


    Jeremiah 29:11
    11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    Romans 8:28
    And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    Be patient, he'll be fired eventually. Definitely pray for him and ask for ways to show him God's love. But really, he'll make the wrong person mad and then you won't have to put up with him anymore.

    In the meantime, just try to keep your own reputation in good standing...basically by not responding to him. And where possible, avoid being around him.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: How to handle a hateful people.

    You cannot hide from that which is put in front of you. And may I remind all of you who have commented, we do not fight against flesh and blood! It is not the man you are addressing, but the demons behind the man. Be honest with him with GOD's Love. Direct your anger and hate towards the demons and your love towards the man. They are two seperate entities. If he gets offended then you know your speaking the truth. Demons get offended and angry when truth is spoken. Do NOT go behind his back! Joseph did that with his brothers bringing upon himself what pharaoh's wife did to him. Do not do what demons would do. If you feel that going to someone higher up and getting this man out of there would be the right thing to do, then tell him what you are going to do and then do it. You already know to go to GOD for this matter, so I won't insult you by saying what is already a given to do. I pray that GOD anoints you regarding this matter and that HE gives you the strength to overcome the animosity that is trying to break you, in Yahshua's Name.

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