where do I start

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chsiann87

Guest
#1
#1
I am a young unwed mother of three handsome boys, my two oldest from a previous bad relationship and my youngest from an even worse relationship. One that I have not found my way out of yet. He has been verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. Its come to the point that my own ways have started to change. I am no longer the happy bubbly person I was. I know what I need to do. Finding the strength to do it is where my struggle is. I've prayed to God for help with this struggle and I hear nothing... I know that I have sinned more than most. I see what kind of mess I've made on my own. I know what my responsibilities will be and I'm ok with that. I guess I'm looking more for his blessing or approval than anything and I feel like there is none for me.. more than anything looking for someone who can relate..
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
If it's that bad, leave, and don't look back. I always, always, always encourage women, or men, in any abusive relationship, whether dating or marriage, to get out. Erase that person from your life permanently and return yourself to a normal existence. There is no good in staying with this person 'for the children' as they will likely have more negative effects from seeing the abuse than from being in a divorce situation. Either they will learn to abuse others themselves, or will learn that it's ok to be abuse and allow it in their own lives. If you don't have the means, start working towards finding the means. God didn't not create you to be another persons punching bag, no matter who that person is, and no matter what choices or mistakes you have made.

And you have sinned more than most? I somehow doubt that's true. ( ;
 
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AprilAngel

Guest
#3
#3
chsiann87 said:
I am a young unwed mother of three handsome boys, my two oldest from a previous bad relationship and my youngest from an even worse relationship. One that I have not found my way out of yet. He has been verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. Its come to the point that my own ways have started to change. I am no longer the happy bubbly person I was. I know what I need to do. Finding the strength to do it is where my struggle is. I've prayed to God for help with this struggle and I hear nothing... I know that I have sinned more than most. I see what kind of mess I've made on my own. I know what my responsibilities will be and I'm ok with that. I guess I'm looking more for his blessing or approval than anything and I feel like there is none for me.. more than anything looking for someone who can relate..
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Hey chsiann, I just want to say all though I am not a mother, I can understand. I am an abuse survivor. I grew up in a verbally,emotionally, physically and sexually abusive home. I have had abusive men in my life mostly verbal from them. It hurts and we take that all in and place blame on ourselves. But let me tell you something... just because you have made some mistakes, does not mean you need to stay with this man. Sure, you may love him, you may think he can change. But, what will it take for him to change? Putting you or one of your boys in the hospital, hitting you or them just a little too hard one day? It happens every day! Please sister get out as soon as you can. If he works, get the number to a safe house (they are made to blend in, he will never find you) pack just what you need, and LEAVE! You start by asking God for courage, wisdom and understanding. Then google your area's safe houses/shelters, clear all history, and the next available second you can...LEAVE. I had to witness all 3 of my younger siblings get beat on, and my mom, two of them passed from unrelated wounds and didn't have to go through it long. But, my brother and I....no kid should have to see their mom get hit, or try to save another from getting hit... I know it is hard, you will feel guilt and shame and you will want to go back because it is familiar to you now. But, you have to get out. If not for yourself than for your kids.


praying!!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
Thank you April.

I asked April to look at this post. I've known a number of women who have suffered some kind of abuse or another in marriage. I've yet to meet a woman who regretted leaving. The first year or two is a struggle, and as April said, there will be temptation to go back. Maybe guilt or regret. But as that junk leaves your mind, as the struggle of living on our own and providing for yourself gets easier. As you get around normal people who treat you right, that eventually melts away. You lose the burden in your heart you carry now. You begin to feel free and like yourself again. And hopefully a bit wiser. Don't think obedience to God is allowing a boyfriend/husband to beat you mentally or physically. All this does is squander your life and your light. God made you for so much more than that.
 
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chsiann87

Guest
#5
#5
I am a hard worker now and the thought of a second job does not bother me at all. I don't feel any love for him with the exception of him bring the father to my son. I thank every one for the encouraging as I don't really have that here. His parents are God Christian people they know how is yet choose to ignore his behavior, then again it comes from he seen growing up before his parents stated going to church his mom was the same way. He's worse that he's a man. But whenever the subject comes up of leaving his parents make me feel bad got not trying to work it out. They know that he's cheated on me, has put jigs hands on me and breaks me down mentally. And when the discussion of leaving does arise he threatens me
 
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chsiann87

Guest
#6
#6
* with taking the baby and making my life hell. Anyways thank you for the non judgmental comments. They mean more than you know..
 
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chsiann87

Guest
#7
#7
*sorry for the typos, reading that back is confusing..
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
Well, this is your life, and the life of your children. And your mind, spirit and body as well. These need to come before his parents understanding. And EVERY single abuser makes threats. Its typical, text book abusive pattern. I've read up on abuser patterns and i've yet to hear of a single situation where i couldn't predict their behavior according to the patterns. Threats are common. But most states favor mothers and if he throws any accusations at you he still has to have proof. He can't just say you're a certain way and the court believes him. I'm not saying it will be easy, or that his threats are hallow. But the key here is to focus on the long term. Preservation of your physical, mental and spiritual health, as well as those of your sons.
And once you leave, going back won't make things better. He will seem fine at first, but eventually he will want to punish you for leaving. So once you leave, plan to stay that way no matter what he does.

If you ever need to talk or have questions etc.. feel free to message me. And i don't want to speak for April, but you could always ask her if she wouldn't mind the same thing. Shes a caring and awesome person.
 
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AprilAngel

Guest
#9
#9
For sure any time if i can help I will :)
 
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chsiann87

Guest
#10
#10
I sincerely thank you for your thoughts on the matter I feel a bit ashamed that I needed to spread my problems out on the internet but I feel more peace in what I have to do. You and April are children of God thank you for not being judgmental
 
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AprilAngel

Guest
#11
#11
chsiann87 said:
I sincerely thank you for your thoughts on the matter I feel a bit ashamed that I needed to spread my problems out on the internet but I feel more peace in what I have to do. You and April are children of God thank you for not being judgmental
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There is healing in finding comfort or the words of others who have been (or sort of been) in your shoes, ChristianChat has been that healing source for me when it comes to friends and hope. Of course the real healing comes from Jesus :) He loves you and your kids and only wants the best for you. This relationship is not the best for you...praying for your safety and wisdom walking through this. You will be ok!!
 
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eddie1801

Senior Member
#12
Jun 9, 2013
127
1
0
#12
Hello:

Im sorry to hear your story. Truly, you need to do whatever it takes to leave this situation. My question is, do you have family that you could stay with? From your post, I am assuming that you guys live together. To totally move on from this guy, you need to first move out of that place. You cannot begin the process without changing that situation. Once you guys are not living with each other. You may have to address a second issue. In my opinion, there is a "soul tie" there that you have to get rid of. This is a spiritual matter. See, if you dont address the soul tie that you have with this man, you could move 100 miles away from this guy, and it would not matter, because you would still end up back in his arms. Be honest with yourself, because underneath it all you may still love this guy. I know that sounds crazy, but many abused women eventually long for abuser and go back. Well, how do you break the soul-tie you have with this guy??

By praying and fasting, in addition to reading the word of God. Reading the word will purify your mind. You are in need of a spiritual cleaning that comes from fasting, reading the word. I am saying these things to help you..however it will take discipline to accomplish this. The biggest obstacle right now is yourself. You have to make up your mind to move on. Trust God leave the consequences to him. If you are being obedient to God, he will take care of you...period. However, its when we operate in disobedience we become open to assaults from the enemy.God is greater than any circumstance..including this man.
 
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chsiann87

Guest
#13
#13
I do not have any family close by, and my job is down here as well. What you're saying makes perfect sense. I've watched my mother do it for years. I know what I have to do. I just have so many doubts in my head telling me I can't. I want to be fine with him. I have givenhim enoughchances to change, and I've seen for sometime now it won't be happening. Thank you for your wisdom on the matter. I appreciate all the encouragement
 
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eddie1801

Senior Member
#14
Jun 9, 2013
127
1
0
#14
It good to see you accept the advice given here. I know it is not easy to be openly honest about what you are going through with complete strangers. However, God is using us to speak to your heart and to give you encouragement. With that being said, please do not let the enemy deceive you into believing "a job" is worth you staying in an environment where your spiritual,physical, and mental being is under constant attack. That is truly a deception. Jobs come and go..your physical and spiritual health it way more important than ANY job. God created the earth, his blessings are abundant. Obey God and leave the consequences to him.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#15
#15
chsiann87 said:
I sincerely thank you for your thoughts on the matter I feel a bit ashamed that I needed to spread my problems out on the internet but I feel more peace in what I have to do. You and April are children of God thank you for not being judgmental
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Christians are Christians and help is help. Why have shame if that help happens to come from online? God used a talking donkey once because the guy was so thick headed. Now THAT'S a reason to feel shamed hahaha.
 
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chsiann87

Guest
#16
#16
Thank you.lol that has me laughing at 530 in the morning and thank you Eddie I understand. I worry about my boys future and supporting them so I think that's why I feel the job need. But you are correct they come and go. I hope you all have a nice week
 
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chsiann87

Guest
#17
#17
Oh and one more thing to add! I went back to church yesterday for the first time in a long time. Just thought you'd like to know that what you have said truly has had an impact. Thank you ALL
 
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evenatthedoors

Guest
#18
#18
Truly speaking, i myself am at a loss where to begin from...though what you are going through can happen just about to anyone, i sense a kind of intimacy God is intending you to build with Him...He is mighty close to you and you are not discerning it...its like the bush in fire but the fire cant consume the bush...let me explain

The generation that we are living in is one off a generation...its the final harvest, which means we are the fruits and our family line becomes the tree and roots...as much as is reflected in the bible, one true fruit reflects the whole tree and its roots...like trees so fruits and vice versa...but that fruit or that person in the harvest hour is called in to bear an incredible burden...its usually infinite day to day struggles without any clue to its end...i see that same pattern here...i believe all these are happening around/with you for a greater cause...to bring you closer to realizing the purpose of your true existence at this stage and hour

If what i have said be true...then you will realize an immediate and absolute power of the Holy Spirit in your life...like a mighty wind suddenly gushing through...engulfing all...and guiding you through this maze towards our Lord Jesus...by that Holy Spirit, you will realize if my counsel be of God or of man...and whether you are going through all this just about or for God's purpose

Let me know
 
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chsiann87

Guest
#19
#19
I'm not sure I completely understand you. I like to think I have a purpose, I just haven't come across it yet. My life whole life has been one battle to the next. My mom was drug addict struggling with her own issues. My dad was an abusive controlling somewhat insane father. I have never had it easy. I know God has his hands on me. And when I lose faith I remind myself of the footprints in the sand.. And I feel replenished. God has given me the ability to learn from my parents mistakes and I don't give Him enough credit for the strength he had provided me with through the years.. I'm not sure if that answered your response but its what I feel.
 
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evenatthedoors

Guest
#20
#20
footprints in sand is flesh language...for babes who want a lullaby...does nothing to bring you closer to God...ear tickling to full but none resulting in truth... you answered me in letter but not in Spirit...remember what paul said, the letter killeth but the Spirit giveth life...you understood my words in flesh and you did respond to me in flesh...but neither did I here nor our Father from above deal in flesh

i am speaking not just about you...even if any other true believer read what i wrote, the Spirit will act upon him or her too just as i said He will act upon you...reflect on the woman who held Christ's hem and got healed...its not a story, its true and living...any one reading that word can activate the selfsame Spirit in their lives and can be healed...

ask God if what i am counselling you is truth...and if yes, you will be led into true light of God...You will hear a small still whisper...a counsel like never before...sure in all things...and once you fully understand the voice...the Spirit of
God will over shadow you...seek after him in utter tenderness and not in the loud noises surrounding you
 
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