hi there
Really, what is going to be best is time. The more you are with him, the more he proves himself to you, the more you will naturally be able to relax with him. Sadly, he has to earn and work for what most people give more freely. But don't feel bad about it. You are just reacting to your experiences and the affect they have on you. The healing process is ongoing and may takes years or more to get past much of it. But hopefully between the two of you it can speed up.
Does he know about your past? About your insecurities and the issues all of it is causing you? If not he should. He needs to know where you are emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. He will have some extra work to do for a while, to be with you. But, that doesn't make you bad to be with. I've dated some amazing women who came from various types of abusive relationships. And though they were damaged, the person inside them was still good. Unfortunately their issues stood in the way at times.
Have you had counseling? Abuse is traumatic, especially the kind of abuse it sounds like you've been through. Counseling can help you work through the problems abuse is causing you. There is a treatment available that you could look into that Might be helpful. You would have to talk to a professional first, but its called EMDR. Its used to help treat PTSD sufferers, but also works on anxiety and similar issues.
These are a few things i can think of off the top of my head. I've read on abuse victims and abusers, dated, counseled (i'm not a professional though) abuse survivors. I don't know it all, far from it, but i have a decent idea about such subjects. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more, if not i'm sure there would be some wonderful women who have experienced these things and could provide some help as well.
