I am a christian teen age 14. Pregnant. Need advice and prayers?

footstepstoheaven · May 11, 2014

Hi.

Ok, so this is a long story, so thank you if you take the time to read this

My name is Annelies. I am 14 years old. I am a Christian. And I am pregnant.

Now, I am fully aware that the last two contradict one another. But let me explain.

I took a vow of chastity (waiting until marriage) when I was 13. I fully intended to wait.

However, I got pregnant. I slept with one of my best friends who is 15. We both realised that it was a mistake and a sin a little too late. And I am fully aware that I brought this onto myself.

But I don't know what to do. My parents have told me in the past that if I ever got pregnant, they would kick me out. This happened to a teenage cousin of mine. My family disowned her.

I estimate that I am around 5-6 weeks pregnant, but it could be more/less. I have been considering abortion. I am and have always been anti-abortion. But, when you are put into this position (or put yourself into it) you start to see the other side of it. I just can't think of this pregnancy as a 'child'. It just doesnt seem right, but I am scared that I could never love it if I kept it.

Adoption is sort of out of the question. My parents probably consider adoption even more of a sin than abortion (makes no sense)

I guess that right now my choices are:

1) Keep it. But then my parents would most certainly throw me out and that would mean that the kid would never have a good life.

2) Adoption, but my parents would also disown me and I would be left on my own with nothing.

3) Abortion. My parents would never know. I would probably feel guilty forever, but it is starting to seem like a better option.

Please, if anyone has been in a similaar situation, what did you do?

And as for my friend, he is really freaked out. Says he will give me money for an abortion but will not get involved if I have the kid.

Please, no criticism. I fully understand how much I am in the wrong. But I don't need to be berated further. And please keep me in your prayers if you can.

-Annelies

jogoldie · May 11, 2014

The decision that you make is life and death.....you put alot of responsibilty on yourself and know its time to pray....
Ask God for wisdom.....If this was my decision knowing what I know now....I would go to your mother...you have not given
her credit for loving you....you have know way of really knowing her reaction....you are guessing.....when you go to God
ask Him to open her heart to this grandchild......I am a grandma and I dont care how my babies got here .....its that they are
here for me ...when my daughter came to me with the same news I first thanked God for this gift and then we got together
and delt with our issues day by day....ask mom what you should do.. tell her your heart....if shes a mom she will be there for
you.....You must let God lead you through this......dont make this a bad time of your life ...make something good from your
mistakes...if you need someone to talk to I will be just a post away pm me....im praying for you young sister.....

fire-rescue · May 11, 2014

Ok im a guy and cant fully relate to your situation. But as a christian we are suppose to love god more than anything. More than mother and father. Your decision though easier said than done should line up with gods will. Which means do not abort this little life. Sure its development may be a ball of cells but a spirit has been attatched. It is a person. You will regret it all your life. You know you messed up and there will be consequences to face with your parents. That is temporary. Dont make a choice that carries into eternity. Youre not the first or last 14 year old to get pregnant. God dont say life will be easy but he promises to be by our side. Walk with god on this one. Follow his guidence. Only god can change your parents heart. Abortion wont change the fact you got pregnant in the first place. You go with god and god alone on this and he will direct your path and open doors. Be in constant prayer and devote this baby to god and yourself to god no matter what the cost. You will get through it with god on your side. I know any advice here will be easier said than done but look at eternity not this moment in time. Hope advice here will help you but know one knows you or loves you like god does.

breno785au · May 11, 2014

You need to learn to face the consequences of your actions. Go to your parents and tell them what is going on. Dont say you may not ever love the child because its a load of crap and its a lie, a poor excuse and justification for abortion - you dont know who this child may grow up to be.
As for your parents kicking you out, I highly doubt that will happen. Kicking out a pregnant 14 year old is not a realistic situation and dont sit there and say oh yeah they will their crazy like that...I know what the mind of a 14 year old is like..I was 14 once

Animus · May 11, 2014

I believe that you should tell your parents and here is why. Firstly, you do not know how they will actually react to it. Before it has happened, scare tactics might seem effective, but once they realize that they are talking about hurting their daughter and her child for actions that she has repented of, they may be a little more loving. If your parents are more understanding than you anticipate you would be making a terrible mistake by acting without them on this. It is moral compromise that gets us into these situations but it is doing the right thing, the hard thing, that makes things right again.

Having faith in God does not just mean believing that He exists, but believing that if you do what is right that He will take care of you. When we first start obeying God it often puts us in uncomfortable positions of uncertainty. It often involves giving up something that we have been using to stabilize ourselves, whether it be drugs, sex, relationships, money, lies, etc.. Coming clean is always going to be difficult, but it has to happen eventually for us to really be free and to experience the joy that God wants for us. God is telling us to let go, and to have faith that He will catch us.

Spokenpassage · May 11, 2014

Hi, welcome to CC Annelies. There is consequences to every action. The last thing you want to do is make it worse, especially going as far as abortion. Two wrongs don't make a right. Talk to your parents and confess your sin. If you don't, the consequence may get worse. First go before the Lord to seek His mercy and grace, then go to your parents. Even if they may punish you in anyway, still admit your fault and ask for their help. If they really love you and want to help you, they will try to help you, if you truly seek it.

Jda016 · May 11, 2014

I would just add my support and I agree with all that has been said. This is your child. Do not abort it.

I will be praying with you that your parents will see your repentant heart and love you unconditionally. Do not be afraid. Commit this child to Christ even now and know that God will give you what you need to take care of it. Trust Him.

May God's precious grace be ever with you.

J-Kay-2 · May 11, 2014

footstepstoheaven said:

There are a few things that trouble me with this issue Annelies.
It grieves me you call it a kid. That is cruel and not kind to a
possible human growing in your womb.

The boy friend is willing to pay to abort it. That doesn't bother
you? What are you going to do after you abort the baby? This
guy has not been taught the value of life. It always amazes me
when one talks so flippantly about 'abortion' not recognizing the
pain that baby feels when they suction it out.

I suggest you watch an abortion on YouTube. IF you can watch it
and still call it a 'kid' and you are willing to still want it scraped
out of your womb, then I would question where is your heart ?

IMO, even if your parents do kick you out, there should be home
for unwed mothers. There the 'kid' can be put up for adoption.
That is the most gracious gift you can give to another person who
can't have a baby. There are families willing to pay for your
expenses to take your baby off your hands. They will pay for your
medical expenses and you can feel like you have contributed a life
to a woman who weeps because she can't have a baby.

Please give this a thought. Again, I say watch a video of abortion.
Then if you recognize it as something you can't do to a new baby,
talk to your parents and then if they say you must leave or heaven
forbid, abort it... Please think about private adoption or home for
unwed mothers. Then you can live a life with a clear conscience.

Yes, prayer for you to choose life. Abortion is the most cruel way
to go. I have watched "aborted babies grow into women" and they
can testify when they survived the abortion and someone adopted them,
they were happy to be alive.

One nurse in particular quit her job because she saw Doctors put live
surviving babies into a bucket and let them die. These were further
along than you are. Do discuss this with your mom and dad now. Don't
put it off.

It is my prayer you do not ruin your life, honey, because I know grown
women today who still pay the price of guilt even though they know the
Lord, they can't forgive themselves.

God bless you as you give all the posters advice on how to deal with
this. May your teen years be 'guilt' free, and stay with Jesus Christ.

tourist · May 11, 2014

footstepstoheaven said:

No criticism from me, dear. I warms my heart to hear that an abortion is not an option. It seems that whatever you do has a bad outcome. I believe that a good course of action for you to take would be to talk to a Christian minister about your situation. You must look out for the best interest of the child. I am sure that the minister will be sympathetic to you and explain viable options, such as adoption and housing for you in the event that your parents force you to leave the home. Please ask the Lord right now to bring peace and calm to your heart and tomorrow morning you must do the right thing. God bless you dear, and the precious child you are carrying.

Hungry · May 11, 2014

In my opinion any parent that would be willing to end a pregnancy by chopping up their baby into pieces so they can get around a little shame would never be a good mother anyway. Playing at being an adult got you into this mess so finish your game and be an adult now. I'm not judging you just encouraging you and others to face your consequences. In all honesty if a guy decided to have some fun with my daughter and then encouraged her to kill a baby to cover up his mistakes and I found out, I would seriously castrate him. Confess your sin to God and your parents, they might surprise you. God causes all things to work together for good. Start taking folic acid its important for the baby's development. Be a good mom. Happy Mother's Day, it really is Mother's Day here in Canada.

cinder · May 11, 2014

footstepstoheaven said:

Please put some thought into the circumstances that led to this happening. You don't want to repeat this but it seems there was something that got you to cross a line you never thought you'd cross and your best chance of future success will be to understand what motivated you to do this so you can deal with it in a Godly way next time.

I'm very concerned that this has already happened to your cousin. It makes me think you have good reason to fear getting kicked out. However, not telling your parents is going to drive a huge relational wedge between you and that is likely to send you into more self destructive behavior in your teenage years. It may be wise to investigate homes for unwed mothers and your options so you have lined up somewhere to go before you tell your parents, but plan to tell them and let them know the truth about what is going on.

If you have always been anti-abortion, an abortion is very likely to emotionally wreck you. Like sleeping with your friend, this is something that you do not want to realize is a huge mistake only after you do it. Ultimately this is your life and you have to live with the consequences. Choose for you and your child not to please others. Also please don't trust anyone working at an abortion clinic to steer you right, they are paid to sell abortions and that is what they will try to pressure you into doing. I am definitely pro-adoption and anti-abortion.

God can provide for you if you keep the child or if you are left on your own after giving it up for adoption. It wouldn't be easy, but it also isn't a hopeless prospect. Your parents may well find out if you have an abortion as the emotional fallout of the whole situation will profoundly affect you and if they are paying attention they will notice. Long term thinking can be difficult for the young, but please don't go for the quick fix of abortion now and pay the price tag of feeling eternally guilty. It's a very high price to pay.

If your parents truly are heartless enough they would kick you out you need to find some adults that will be supportive. Can you and your friend talk to his parents? What would be their view on the situation? What about your pastor or someone else at church? And there are crisis pregnancy ministries who want to reach out to people in your situation and help them out. A google search should help you find some in your area and they will be in a position to offer practical help, not just advice and prayers over the internet. You are not alone and you do not have to face this or make this decision alone. Big hug and know that God has forgiven you and you are going to make it.

Billyd · May 11, 2014

Annelies, As the father of a Christian daughter who was 16 and pregnant, I'll share my thoughts when she told me. I had told her the same thing that your parents told you. When she told us, all I could do is wrap my arms around her and hold her. (I'd probably shot him on the spot - that another story) We sat down, cried with her, then started making plans for the future weeks and months. I can also tell you that the next few years were not a piece of cake for my daughter, but the blessing of watching her graduate from High School and College, and then seeing her daughter (my special granddaughter and daughter) grow up was one of the greatest blessings of my life. I also caution you in dealing with your child's father. The chances are that he won't get involved in your child's life. With the support of your family, things will work out. Please tell your parents, and ask them for their support. I'll be praying for you and your family.

I will also pray for your child's father.

ThomistColin · May 11, 2014

Please, don't hurt this child. Adoption is the best answer if you and the father are incapable of raising the child. Even if your parents punish you, is that not a sacrifice for your wonderful child that you would ask of any mother? With tears in my eyes, please do not harm this beautiful miracle, your child.

tourist · May 11, 2014

Cinder
I sincerely appreciate the tremendous effort and insight you provided to this child in need. I was particularly touched with your heartfelt advice in the last paragraph. You are an angel to this very troubled young person. God bless you!

JustAnotherUser · May 11, 2014

One thing for certain is that I'd consider getting a new 'best friend'. That's all I'm going to go with.

SabbieWabbie · May 11, 2014

Look online for places for young pregnant woman. Go have a chat to one of the senior staff there I am sure they will have loads of information as they would have dealt with the situation many times.

If you are scared to tell your parents alone as you fear their reaction then ask someone you trust to go with you who can give you a place to stay for a few days if things don't go well.(preferably not the babies father) It is stressful for you and it will be for them too, give them time to come to terms with this, once things have settled down go and talk to them, assure them that what you did was not to hurt them and that you love them and because you are young you do realise you need them. Be honest, be sincere and let them know that you are scared and tell them how you are feeling. You could even write them a letter and leave it somewhere where they will find it, go out for a while and return in a few hours to discuss things, this way a lot of hurtful words can also be avoided. When your parents do talk to you, let them speak without interrupting them, let them vent.

The best thing for you to do would be to tell your parents, if they are not supportive there are places you can go to. If you choose adoption the family you choose might be able to help you get on your feet, blessing another family will certainly bless you. I don't mean to scare you but abortions can sometimes go wrong and later down the line women are not able to conceive again, if you do want your own family in the future you shouldn't risk it. Your babies gender has already been determined and your child could have an amazing life awaiting him/her if you give him/her the opportunity. Babies are a blessing and a gift from God, no matter under what circumstances they are conceived. Psalm 127:3 "Children are a gift from the Lord".

Keep praying and praising God because even when things seem so far gone, God can and He will turn them into something good for us.

You are in my prayers.

Nodmyheadlikeyeah · May 12, 2014

I really can't tell you what to do on all accounts here, but i can say i've been where you're at when i was a teenager. I don't know how your parents will react when you tell them, but Animus made a great point. You don't know with any certainty how they will react either.
You're 14, you can't just walk in an abortion clinic by yourself and expect they will give you one. With that being said
if you don't think you can take care of this child, the good thing to do would be give it up for adoption. Creating a human being is one of the consequences of having sex, this child didn't ask to be here, you put he/she here and just because you don't think of it as a baby doesn't make it less of one.
I ended up losing mine and had i not i would have a child just a year older than you. That is the biggest sadness in my life, out of everything that has happened in my 31 years, not having that baby is the one that still gets me. I can't imagine how you would feel if you had an abortion. There would be a life time of wondering what if...

just_monicat · May 12, 2014

i'm going to piggyback upon what nodmyhead said.

while you are a bright and insightful young lady in a crisis at this moment, i must underscore that this is a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life and i deeply caution you to be careful to be overly tempted, even persuaded to want to focus too much in the short term by wanting this "situation" to go away quietly with an abortion.

i'm afraid it will be a "quick fix" that will haunt you for the rest of your days.

i wish i had better data and specifics to support this, but when i volunteered at a different girls' organization, one of the more interesting data points i saw on the topic was the high rate of girls becoming pregnant rather quickly again following abortion, believed to be an indicator of their desire or grief to "replace" that lost child. i have yet to meet a christian woman tell me that they are content with their decision to have an abortion, and in my circle of friends, i've known at least six girls who chose such. only one is not a chrisitan today. the rest are, and all have the same regrets.

i have two girlfriends who became pregnant rather young, neither married. as a high schooler, one of my best christian girlfriends became pregnant (the very one who signed the purity agreements i did and part of the same youth group) and she got an abortion. she is now a mother of two and she has openly discussed that it's the biggest regret she'll ever know, and a big part of it is that she knew it was wrong from the outset but lacked the courage and faith to trust God to work out the details. we've discussed it several times, and the pain she feels is far beyond the words she has to express it.

her pain is that deeply felt.

the other girl was a bit older, but she did keep the daughter she gave birth too. she had a lot of help from family, but this girl is the apple of her mother's eye, and is getting ready to head to college soon. this young lady was the daughter of a prominent christian organization leader and while this created some "public shame", this event served as a catalyst to bring them all together and profoundly changed their relationship for the better. pregnancy/children have an amazing way of helping to bridge difficult family relationships, especially when practical needs exist. i'm not saying it will happen for you, but i've seen it many, many times.

i agree with others that have said adoption is probably the best option for someone your age, but i've seen girls your age with family support do ok as well.

God is bigger than your parents and even their closed-mindedness. in fact, in Proverbs 21:1 says

The king's heart is like a stream of water directed by the LORD; he guides it wherever he pleases..

if God can direct the heart of kings, he can certainly soften your parents hearts to you and your situation or provide a means for His beloved daughter. i believe that if you honor your parents with honesty and put faith in them, that God will provide an alternate means of housing/support if they indeed toss you out.

be prepared for some shock and even initial bad responses. but they may also surprise you. i agree that you should try to make alternate arrangements to stay somewhere when you do tell them, so that they have a bit of time to digest this info.

praying for you--hang in there, sister. : )

Nice_Lady · May 19, 2014

Trust in God, sister! God will never leave you alone. He will come to you and will provide with plenty. You fear God or sinful people? If God blessed you why you fear? You must love other people - Love your neighbour, your partner, your child. If you love you will never think bad. Your child have heart already and blood. Do you realize we are talking about killing a friend? Shed no blood! Also if God want you can loose the child from miscarridge. If no - do not reject God s will. Your body is not yours! God gave it to you. God provided for you food. Do not be selfish! Share your food and body with your little friend. Never fear! (Its sin to fear) I love you!

PennEd · May 19, 2014

footstepstoheaven said:

Hi.

Ok, so this is a long story, so thank you if you take the time to read this

My name is Annelies. I am 14 years old. I am a Christian. And I am pregnant.

Now, I am fully aware that the last two contradict one another. But let me explain.

I took a vow of chastity (waiting until marriage) when I was 13. I fully intended to wait.

However, I got pregnant. I slept with one of my best friends who is 15. We both realised that it was a mistake and a sin a little too late. And I am fully aware that I brought this onto myself.

But I don't know what to do. My parents have told me in the past that if I ever got pregnant, they would kick me out. This happened to a teenage cousin of mine. My family disowned her.

I estimate that I am around 5-6 weeks pregnant, but it could be more/less. I have been considering abortion. I am and have always been anti-abortion. But, when you are put into this position (or put yourself into it) you start to see the other side of it. I just can't think of this pregnancy as a 'child'. It just doesnt seem right, but I am scared that I could never love it if I kept it.

Adoption is sort of out of the question. My parents probably consider adoption even more of a sin than abortion (makes no sense)

I guess that right now my choices are:

1) Keep it. But then my parents would most certainly throw me out and that would mean that the kid would never have a good life.

2) Adoption, but my parents would also disown me and I would be left on my own with nothing.

3) Abortion. My parents would never know. I would probably feel guilty forever, but it is starting to seem like a better option.

Please, if anyone has been in a similaar situation, what did you do?

And as for my friend, he is really freaked out. Says he will give me money for an abortion but will not get involved if I have the kid.

Please, no criticism. I fully understand how much I am in the wrong. But I don't need to be berated further. And please keep me in your prayers if you can.

-Annelies

Think about this verse: You planned something bad for me, but God produced something good from it, in order to save the lives of many people, just as he's doing today.
God can ammend the sin you committed. Your unborn child may do incredible works for the Lord. Please don't take the seemingly easy way out. EVERY time I have done that I have deeply regretted it. You know the right thing to do. I pray in Jesus name that He will give you the strength, and peace to do it.

I am a christian teen age 14. Pregnant. Need advice and prayers?

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