I need some post-break up advice..

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J

Jenners

Guest
#1
#1
Just yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up after a year and 5 months of being together. I know it may not be that long compared to other relationships but even so, I feel that I truly loved this person. It ended with him saying how God was sending him signs to end our relationship...he also said how his mind was telling him to end the relationship but his heart was telling him to stay. He tried to convince me how he should only follow his mind over his heart and there is supposedly a Bible verse that says that, although I haven't found it yet... It just pains me how he blamed our whole relationship on me and he wasn't willing to pray for us yesterday. I know God has plans for me and I just have to trust in Him and I have been praying and laying out my heart and soul to Him regarding this break up...I just don't know if I should hope for the possibility of my ex asking to be together again. We had broken up once previously before and that only lasted for three days, him saying how he realized how much he loved me, but now...I don't know. It's difficult.
 
R

Raine

Guest
#2
#2
It's hard for me to give appropriate advice not knowing the full situation and not knowing his reasons for actually breaking up with you...

But yes, the bible does say that our heart is evil and deceives us, that is why we should use wisdom over feelings. Though feelings are hard to comprehend sometimes and hurt, you kinda just have to waddle through it.

And relationships that go on and off tends to be a bad sign as well as it lacks stability. Hmm... I think you should just draw near God and see what his heart is for you. Maybe God wants you guys to break up because he wants you to focus on him. It's a possibility.

As I said before... I can't comment much not knowing a lot of details, but hope this provides a bit of reassurance.

And it is a bad sign when a man can't own up to his own mistakes as well and puts the whole weight of the relationship on you. He seems unsure about himself. Look for someone who has confidence in the Lord.

Hope you feel better. *Hugs*
 
J

Jenners

Guest
#3
#3
Well he says I haven't changed to a point where he would have been satisfied with...and he only went by what he could see. And I see, I think I remember where it says that about the heart. I tried asking my other brothers and sisters in Christ about that and they said to love with your mind and heart, but I don't know..

But yes, maybe God wants me to just focus on Him, I'm going to college soon and I hope to grow spiritually there. It will be hard since my ex-boyfriend will be there though...but thank you so much, it greatly helps that you took the time to reply
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#4
#4
So...this guy broke up with you because you hadn't changed sufficiently to please him?

Don't go back- it will never end. He will never be satisfied with you. And that's not your fault, it's his.
 
J

Jenners

Guest
#5
#5
Yes, because throughout the 16 months of him and I being together, I had been working on my jealousy with other girls and I honestly thought there was progress. I wouldn't worry as much and whenever I would have those thoughts, I would throw them aside and tell myself he would never do anything to hurt me that way. He only saw the times where I would let my jealousy get the best of me and those times were fewer than when I wouldn't. It just confuses me because he tells me how he doesn't expect me to be perfect and not ever get jealous and that is what I have been doing, yet he breaks up with me because it isn't enough. I tried telling him how hard I have been trying and that I have been doing things he can't see, as in letting my worries go and not letting jealousy get the best of me, but he questioned why he should believe me. He expected more of a change over 16 months...
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#6
#6
Was he often putting himself into situations that triggered your jealousy? Hanging out with other girls when you weren't around, being flirtatious with them in front of you, talking about other women a lot or pointing out girls he found attractive?
 
J

Jenners

Guest
#7
#7
The only things he would do is text other girls, since he mostly has friends who are girls. He did say how he had flirted with a girl he liked before, which made me worry a little. The only thing he did this time was join a chat with mostly girls in a college we will both be going to and I let my jealously get the best of me. I admitted how it was my fault for expressing myself wrongly instead of calmly talking about it, but he said he just didn't care anymore.
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#8
#8
First thing right off the bat - what a cop out thing for anybody to say "I think it's God's will that we break up" "I been seein' signs lately from God that we should break up" (I'm saying those things in a whiney voice) I bet if God had a nickel for every time somebody claimed that that He'd be..... well I guess He'd still be God, but, regardless... it would RAIN nickels every time a Monday followed a Sunday for sure. No - he broke up on his own and just not willing to own up to it.

I bet 100 of those nickels that the next time you blow him off, he'll start seein signs that God wants you back together.
 
J

Jenners

Guest
#9
#9
Haha yeah he said that last time he broke up with me and said it again this time...so I don't know what to expect
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#10
#10
I can't tell if you are defending and downplaying his actions because you're in love with him, or if what you say is totally true, so I'll just say this to you-

His behavior should never make you wonder if he's being faithful to you or not, and it sounds like his behavior is questionable, at best. You had every right to feel insecure about that, and while maybe you expressed your feelings about it poorly, I doubt your jealousy "issues" were really the issue here. Unless you were trying to control him somehow, it kinda sounds like he just wanted to be free to do what he wants.

That's really not on you. You should never feel like you have to change things about yourself in order to keep a man around. If he didn't like the fact that it bothered you for him to be so chatty with other women, he should have ended it with you a long time ago and gone off to enjoy his freedom. Instead he wanted you to accept his behavior and not hold him accountable for it.

I really think you're better off without him.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#11
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#11
Jenners said:
Just yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up after a year and 5 months of being together. I know it may not be that long compared to other relationships but even so, I feel that I truly loved this person. It ended with him saying how God was sending him signs to end our relationship...he also said how his mind was telling him to end the relationship but his heart was telling him to stay. He tried to convince me how he should only follow his mind over his heart and there is supposedly a Bible verse that says that, although I haven't found it yet... It just pains me how he blamed our whole relationship on me and he wasn't willing to pray for us yesterday. I know God has plans for me and I just have to trust in Him and I have been praying and laying out my heart and soul to Him regarding this break up...I just don't know if I should hope for the possibility of my ex asking to be together again. We had broken up once previously before and that only lasted for three days, him saying how he realized how much he loved me, but now...I don't know. It's difficult.
Click to expand...

Jenners, do what I did..get rid of anything he ever gave you, burn his pictures and throw out any letters he's given you. Purge every trace of him out of your life!! Ask God to take him out of your mind and your heart and your thoughts. This is exactly what I did when my ex bf and I broke up. That was in 2006, and I havent thought about or heard from him ever since. :)
 
J

Jenners

Guest
#12
#12
MissCris said:
I can't tell if you are defending and downplaying his actions because you're in love with him, or if what you say is totally true, so I'll just say this to you-

His behavior should never make you wonder if he's being faithful to you or not, and it sounds like his behavior is questionable, at best. You had every right to feel insecure about that, and while maybe you expressed your feelings about it poorly, I doubt your jealousy "issues" were really the issue here. Unless you were trying to control him somehow, it kinda sounds like he just wanted to be free to do what he wants.

That's really not on you. You should never feel like you have to change things about yourself in order to keep a man around. If he didn't like the fact that it bothered you for him to be so chatty with other women, he should have ended it with you a long time ago and gone off to enjoy his freedom. Instead he wanted you to accept his behavior and not hold him accountable for it.

I really think you're better off without him.
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I just wasn't sure if I really had a reason to be insecure about those things...but no I wasn't trying to control him. He would tell me how he stopped talking to his ex because of me but I never asked him to, it was his own choice. It seemed that he held that against me as well..
I hope so..I mean it's hard right now and I just hope this summer will pass by quickly


blue_ladybug said:

Jenners, do what I did..get rid of anything he ever gave you, burn his pictures and throw out any letters he's given you. Purge every trace of him out of your life!! Ask God to take him out of your mind and your heart and your thoughts. This is exactly what I did when my ex bf and I broke up. That was in 2006, and I havent thought about or heard from him ever since. :)
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I struggle with that haha. What's worse is when he attempts to give back everything I ever gave him all at once :\ I've been trying to focus my mind on God and many other things and I'm blessed to have people's support on here
 
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