boycotted my mom.

[Jakob]

I have no father. I have a brother and a mother. and a good foster family. And a terrible childhood.
2 years ago, me and my brother talked about how big influence our mom was to us.
When she felt depressed, so did we. And we BOTH wanted to get out of the alcoholic-generation hamster wheel, and get a good life.
2 years ago, my brother called mom, and had a 30 minute conversation, about how selfish she is. and how she brainwashes us sub-conciously to think that drinking once every second day to escape reality is okay.
She screamed "THATS WHAT I DID WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE. I accepted my parents alcohol problems, and I knew it wasnt their fault!"
But look what forgiving/accepting did to her? Now she's an alcoholic, wanting US to accept her. I cant. I just cant.
"Happiness is seeing your mother smile", that is. And My mom is a big influence without realizing it. I just cant anymore.
My mother hanged up on my big brother 2 years ago, when she was confronted, and questioned "Dont you want to be happy? A better life? Please mom.. So we can be happy too" kind of? And my big brother went psychotic, and REALLY schitzophrenic. He's currently at a mental hospital.
TODAY.. I did the exact same thing, confronted her. And she HUNG up on me too!
It probably sound like im cruel, but i swear every word she speaks, she is blinded. She can only see it from her point of view.
Now that I said. "I dont think it's a good idea i see you anymore. For a while. I need to go to college. And I cant focus when you call me and you're drunk asking me why your other son is at a mental hospital etc. I cant"
And she says "What about my garden?" (I do her garden etc).
I know when i leave, her place is gonna be an ever bigger mess.
Do i have the right to be selfish and try, at least TRY to get a better life.
I do believe there is more to life than drinking your own bottle of tears.

To the comments who wants me to stay with her, or pray for her.
I already did. 'All you need is love' and she havent shown me any really, by happiness.
'No one you can save that can't be saved'. I do believe she cant be saved, cause shes so blinded by her own views.
And I think she is selfish for even having two kids, when she started drinking and doing drugs from day 1 we were born etc.
I do realize she had a rough childhood too, (i may sound like a prick) but why would I care? Like why should THAT affect me. It happend way before i came into this world... Why should I suffer her pain. As a son-mom relationship I reflect and look up to her. I feel her pain. and im tired of it.
I feel like this is the last option for her to maybe see herself clearly, now that i boycot her.
It's hard, cause what if she drinks herself to death. I would blame myself, for wanting a better life, leaving her 'behind'.
but trust me. ALL of my childhood, from a little kid, I wanted to help her. To see a brighter day, to see a day through kids innocent eyes. Well at least how kids should see the world. But never has she understood.
How can I go to college, then talk to my alcoholic mother. Who asks me 'why's' of the mystery's.
She is not a christian. (Yes i tried to make her a christian, by reading C.S Lewis quotes etc from an early age)
She WANTS me to accept her. But I cant.
I've not given her up as a human being. I've given her up as a role model, as she is not good for me.
I want a good life. I want to break free from these chains my family generation carry.
The start is to cut the rope. Cut me 'free'. Free from confusion.

I'm not a big christian. But I want to be.

Sorry for the ranting. It's midnight here, and i'm a bit sad.
ANY comments will do.
Thank you for listening to my confusing-midnight ranting kind souls..

 

[Fubario]

I actually learned that you have to avoid toxic relationships regardless of what type of relationship it is, Dr. Henry Cloud's book, changes that heal, talks about this as a step of maturity, of sort of realizing your own boundaries and the other persons's, and how we are responsible as we age TO people, not FOR them. I repeat, we are responsible TO people, not for them! When I grow older, my mom can no longer be held accountable for what I do, nor can she constantly assist me, I must do it myself. If she tries to enable me, I may not grow in independence from people and become then reliant on the help of others always and suffer as a result. If however, I am left to fend for myself and face life, I grow and mature and then I become independent.

So my advice would be, seek God first, and all else will follow. Live out the biblical life and seek that growth, if you cannot take care of yourself, how can you take care of others? I thought once that it was all about giving, but if I don't do anything for myself, how am I going to get by in life?

 

[AcidBurn]

If you really are just 18...

I would say take your time off. A lot of young people try to carry a burden before they
become strong in spirit. And it crushes them!!!

You have realized already that there is little one can do to change another person.
That holds true to most situations.
When others can see god working in your life, they might be moved and start to think.
And maybe change comes.
BUT you cannot make that happen. God can.

I have a buddy who is a young christian. About 3 years in faith.
Hastn't grown much (or so i belive) in spirit nor as a person.
One of the main reasons is, he (and his brother) live at his moms'.
She is not an alcoholic!! Only always nagging and calling him on the phone(its like stalking)
and never giving him some time for himself.(no overstatement... she even calls me just to know where he is atm.)
He cannot calm down, think about life, pray, read the bible etc.
But this time of "silence" is essential. It is irreplaceable!

Your are to respect and honor your mom. Not listen to all of her whims.

So.
Pray, read the bible. PRAY for your mom.
Find a church that teaches biblical manhood.
Let god work in you.
Over time he may tell you what to do about your mom.